Spike Spiegel
Member
- Sep 26, 2022
- 71
I feel that so many of my problem's are just due to my own weakness of will. Logically I tell myself that if I got eight hours of sleep every night, if I quit smoking and vaping, if I meditated daily, never missed my meds, workout daily, replaced screen time with reading or something constructive, that my mental health issues would all go away. I have been able to live this lifestyle in short bursts maybe for a week or up to a month at a time but I always fall back to my old ways. Also when I do live like this I feel bored and even a little scared that this is supposes to repeat every day and be "normal" basically until I die.
There are so many nights where I will consciously think if I go to sleep now I'll feel better tomorrow, wake up earlier, get more done, feel better about myself and in turn have to rely less on coping methods like smoking or just laying in bed. Yet in those moments when I'm thinking that, I'll instead choose to take another hit and stay up later because in my mind I feel something during those late night hours when I'm by myself that for some reason in that moment I prioritize over the entire next day.
Sometimes I think I want to be down, I feel so much more and think so much deeper when I'm depressed, Its almost a familiar feeling.
Logically it all seems so simple, be strong willed and do what has been proven to help people, do what you know works for you, yet I fail and fail and fail.
There are so many nights where I will consciously think if I go to sleep now I'll feel better tomorrow, wake up earlier, get more done, feel better about myself and in turn have to rely less on coping methods like smoking or just laying in bed. Yet in those moments when I'm thinking that, I'll instead choose to take another hit and stay up later because in my mind I feel something during those late night hours when I'm by myself that for some reason in that moment I prioritize over the entire next day.
Sometimes I think I want to be down, I feel so much more and think so much deeper when I'm depressed, Its almost a familiar feeling.
Logically it all seems so simple, be strong willed and do what has been proven to help people, do what you know works for you, yet I fail and fail and fail.