Deleted member 15256

Deleted member 15256

Member
Feb 18, 2020
55
My son. And I am ruining his future.
He will be better without me
 
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LONE WOLF.

LONE WOLF.

PUNISHER.
Nov 4, 2020
1,988
My Dog! He's my best and only friend!
 
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H

hellodarkness

Member
Dec 8, 2020
92
I will preface to say that I know everyone thinks their kids are the best, very few of us are right. But you know, I'm right because my kids are amazing and the only reason I didn't jump in June when I had a beautiful window
 
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R

regular john

Member
Dec 17, 2020
89
It's nice I'm not alone in this, I do it too. I read r/suicidebereavement and vent to friends if I need to so I can keep myself from doing anything rash, I'll utterly crush my parents and my little sister and I don't have the mental fortitude fully accept that or in the afterlife (if I can feel guilty in the afterlife, I'm sure to feel guilty even though I'll watch over my family 24/7, I'll definitely be those souls have hover over the family instead of moving on). My family and little sister are everything to me so I prefer to take my method immediately if there were a freak accident where I'm the only one left.

OP, I'm sorry you're in this situation. I'm amazed you're 50 because I don't think I'm strong enough to live to that age. Do you have any hobbies that keep you busy?
I liked playing musical instruments but after years of trying I realized I don't have any talent for this.
 
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A

Anathema

Member
Dec 2, 2019
62
Parents, pets. That's it really. Once they're gone I'm gone.
 
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blackwidow92

blackwidow92

Member
Nov 18, 2020
83
My family I suppose. But it's getting harder and harder to hold on even for them. Why should I have to live a life of misery just to protect them from getting hurt. I know it sounds selfish but I just haven't got anything much left in me, it's a task to even take care of my personal hygiene these days.
 
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orbroots

orbroots

Member
Dec 24, 2020
25
I'm pretty indecisive. I want to live long enough to make a decision. I want to feel balanced, not indifferent.
 
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PursuitofWonder

PursuitofWonder

Student
Dec 12, 2020
137
It sounds sad but the only things I enjoy or stay alive to enjoy are drugs and media. A good song or a movie plus a substance makes me forget that I want to die for a couple hours.
 
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sweater

sweater

tired of it all
Dec 23, 2020
27
I am living exclusively for my cat, in all honesty. And even then, I know when I go I have someone to care for her that will probably do a better job than me.
 
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KleinerWolf

KleinerWolf

Account Wipe.
Apr 30, 2020
2,700
I live for feeling good.

although I've never been able to attain it due to physical circumstances and pre-existing limitations.

if you told me I was going to ctb oneday, I would have thought you are insane.
 
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astronaut

astronaut

Is life worth living, should I blast Myself ?
Dec 13, 2020
6
Im just living to se what life have to offer from Day to Day, Drugs, and growth. Im growing spiritualy and I belive in life after death, trying to do Good cuz I belive in Karma and Reincarnation and I belive in God,I Will suffer for all the bad things I done, so im trying to do Good. But sometimes death seems soo peacefull. I tried suicide And im glad I did not succed. There is no coming back from that. I belive there is life in other planets and our consciousnes can take on any Body, human animal or Aliens from other planets, consciousnes has No limits. Energy cant be destroy only transformed. Where did we come from ? Where are we headed ? Who started all this ? The system of the world is Broken, only chasing money and fame buying stuff they dont need and so it goes. This world could be better but the leaders of the world are psycopath, they dont Care about us. But yeah I belive in life after death and some of My traits Will follw me to the next life, be it here or some other place in the cosmos. I like to Long walks but i dont really see any reason for Keep going but om gues im afriad of death. The kosmos has been going on for a long time. We are part of the universe. Im 28 btw.
 
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muffin222

muffin222

Enlightened
Mar 31, 2020
1,188
Technically, I'm in the midst of attempting "recovery", so I force myself to muscle through everyday to the best of my capabilities. I still yearn to die just as much, if not more, than I did prior to shifting from limbo into recovery. So, I don't know lately
 
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Deleted member 22624

Deleted member 22624

One foot in the grave
Oct 7, 2020
1,085
Technically, I'm in the midst of attempting "recovery", so I force myself to muscle through everyday to the best of my capabilities. I still yearn to die just as much, if not more, than I did prior to shifting from limbo into recovery. So, I don't know lately
Oh dear, you too! It needs a lot of faith I think to push past this
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
20,711
Right now I only live for the opportunity to consume more entertainment. I'm stupid enough to still get excited by all kinds of movies, tv shows, and video games so as long as there are some of those left that I want to experience I might still want to be around though I will definitely try to ctb when I am 28. That is, as long as I don't get a significant other to live for. I definitely don't currently have any such people I'd want to live for but at least I don't think I ever will so that's one less thing to worry about.
 
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J

JustDie

Member
Jun 18, 2018
54
currently? Because I can. Although I still have the depression that brought me here a few years ago, I have learnt that is just how it is and there is so much random bullshit I can do in life that I want to. The only example that I can think of for this that does not sound degrading is that I found a BF and why not? Let's see what love is, let's see what I can do, and let's see how it ends up failing.
 
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fred farkle

fred farkle

Specialist
Dec 17, 2020
346
I really feel you, bro.
My dad is everything to me!
than stay with him and bring him some happiness! me,i am all alone my wife died and thats why i am here.
 
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I

IWantToSleep

Experienced
Dec 27, 2020
227
I don't know, no particular reason. I'm very confused.
 
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LONE WOLF.

LONE WOLF.

PUNISHER.
Nov 4, 2020
1,988
My son. And I am ruining his future.
He will be better without me
SAMI, Are you sure? I haven't seen my dad in 30 year's and l really miss him, knowing l'll never see him again and tell him all the things l want to say to him is tearing me up inside, there's a real painful ache in my heart and there's nothing I can do about it!!! I'd give the last drop of blood in my body and the rest of my existence bar 24-hours just to spend one day with him to try and rebuild the bridges l burned down 3 decades ago!
 
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Deleted member 15256

Deleted member 15256

Member
Feb 18, 2020
55
SAMI, Are you sure? I haven't seen my dad in 30 year's and l really miss him, knowing l'll never see him again and tell him all the things l want to say to him is tearing me up inside, there's a real painful ache in my heart and there's nothing I can do about it!!! I'd give the last drop of blood in my body and the rest of my existence bar 24-hours just to spend one day with him to try and rebuild the bridges l burned down 3 decades ago!
You're probably right.
I just can't fight this feeling that I am ruining his life the same way I am ruining mine
 
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newave3

newave3

I want out
Nov 21, 2020
2,778
I only live to sleep.
 
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muffin222

muffin222

Enlightened
Mar 31, 2020
1,188
Oh dear, you too! It needs a lot of faith I think to push past this

I think so, too. A lot of faith in the unknown and a lot of grit to press forward through the pain believing that something brighter lies on the horizon, even if you can't see it yet. It's a huge hurdle to surmount, for sure
 
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SadJessu

SadJessu

Just tired.
Aug 17, 2020
168
I am 50. Never had job career. I have no family. Never had a girlfriend. I am on my own. Unemployed at the moment . No education. Only high school. I don't think it makes sense to continue living. Can you tell me guys what you live for ?
I'm so sorry to hear this, I don't know what to say. As far as I'm concerned, I live for my partner. He's an amazing, understanding person whom I love with everything I have. Thing is, I'm a pretty shitty person. I deal with a lot of mental illness that probably make life very difficult for him. I feel like he deserves better.
 
Darkhaven

Darkhaven

All i have left is memories
May 19, 2019
979
My 2 cats.
 
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Weightoftheworld

Weightoftheworld

Let me burn.
Apr 19, 2020
258
My kids.
It was also my dad too but he passed last month so if it wasn't for them I would've CTB right after his funeral.
 
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mimiopo22

mimiopo22

Specialist
Dec 4, 2020
380
for nothing.
 
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A

Algo5

New Member
Dec 2, 2020
3
I've been through no end of hurt and humiliation through the years...and all for my mum. Sadly, I can feel our relationship deteriorating, as I increasingly resent her standing in the way of me being able to at least try to find piece in the afterlife (if it exists, which I somewhat doubt).
 
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S

Symbiote

Global Mod
Oct 12, 2020
3,101
Trying to live for myself now. If I can't do that, then I might as well pull the trigger.
 
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