Who else fantasizes about having terminal illness?

[Timetogo123]

If I could take anyone's life ending disease that would be over in a month or two I would swap my life for theirs any day. If only you could choose.

Some want to live some don't want to live and it should be accepted that human life isn't precious anymore as there's too many of us and we are all slaves to a money and status system.

Sorry to be miserable. I'm planning on a ctb soon.

 

[throwaway2goawy]

I often think about being crushed in a collapsed building accident so nobody knows that I wanted to die. I'm gonna blame watching all the 9/11 stuff as a kid, definitely impacted my head watching that unfold.

 

[the_final_countdown]

Yeah, I always considered it as an opportunity to have an "out." When I was scanned for a kidney stone blockage in 2019, they detained me and amost admitted me then and there because my kidney was swollen. But even more than that, in the process of the scan, they spotted a tumor on my liver. I hate to admit it, but I was rooting for cancer. Turned out it was a benign hemangioma. I was ready for cancer, to accept it and let it have its way. Instead, my coworker's husband suddenly was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer and died within months. Ironic.

Every time I got an MRI scan for my health problems I prayed and hoped it was terminal cancer.

I wasn't looking forward to the pain. But I could suddenly give up on living. It would finally, finally end, albeit painfully.

Now it has to be done in an ugly way. Now I have to watch my life spiral out of control.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't because:

1) I would likely not have the freedom to spend my last days independently or doing whatever I want. Being strapped to a hospital bed plugged into machines sounds like a humiliating way to go.

2) I would hate the narrative of how people would interpret my death. People would be all over me showering me in phony sympathy and praise over how "strong" I am and other BS like that. I already hate when my friends act nice to me because of my self loathing like jeez, maybe there's a good reason I hate myself? If I die, it has to play out more like evil being vanquished than some sob story about a sick person dying from an inevitable tragedy. I want people to enjoy my death and they can't necessarily do that if I die of a terminal illness (besides maybe relief from hospital bills).

 

[hopelessanddisabled]

I have seen some people with terminal diseases endure horrific treatments like chemotherapy just to potentially extend their lifespan a few months-years. I have always wished that I could take a walk through their minds and understand what compels them to cling to life with so much fervor and conviction.

I'm a cancer survivor of almost 20 years and although it has been 18 years since my last dose of chemo ITS STILL DESTROYING ME AND MY PRIMARY REASON TO CTB. EVEN THOUGH IM CANCER FREE

 

[watchingthewheels]

I don't because:

1) I would likely not have the freedom to spend my last days independently or doing whatever I want. Being strapped to a hospital bed plugged into machines sounds like a humiliating way to go.

2) I would hate the narrative of how people would interpret my death. People would be all over me showering me in phony sympathy and praise over how "strong" I am and other BS like that. I already hate when my friends act nice to me because of my self loathing like jeez, maybe there's a good reason I hate myself? If I die, it has to play out more like evil being vanquished than some sob story about a sick person dying from an inevitable tragedy. I want people to enjoy my death and they can't necessarily do that if I die of a terminal illness (besides maybe relief from hospital bills).

Interesting...I wouldn't want to die in a hospital bed, either. Personally, I wasn't thinking of that for myself in my own comment. I had something else in mind. I once read a novel called BLAMELESS IN ABADDON, where the central character has accepted his cancer and refused chemo and other treatments, opting not to fight, but to let the cancer take over and live his live in the meantime, cherishing it instead of fighting chemo sickness, etc. It's been a decades I read it, so I don't remember all the details, but I think it was back then that I personally had a similar conviction about that. No desire to prolong the inevitable, should it come to that route.

 

[Black Sky]

Once upon a time, when I was in college, I had some swollen lymph nodes and for a brief time I felt a kind of happiness and relief that I hadn't felt in a long time, thinking it might be cancer. Needless to say, it was short lived, as it turned out to be nothing.

Another time, a bit more recently, I had a dream where I had some terminal illness and my time was running out. I never felt such desperate urgency to prolong my days as much as possible... that reaction had me a little confused when I woke up, I have to admit. I suspect it might've been SI. Or maybe the fact that I had no control about the when and how, knowing it would be very painful and gruesome, while I still had no means for a peaceful exit in my hands.

 

[restforeternity]

I'm literally giving myself heart failure. Its just a matter of time. Incessant smoking, working hard, rollerblading while drinking Gatorade laced with vodka, smoking, hardly drinking any water, coffee is my breakfast an sometimes forget to eat and have a drinking binge. Sometimes I have a tendency to binge and purge.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

cancer would be great but i do have kidney disease which i can make terminal and i am currently doing that. im not eating much and when i do eat it is only protein. will take a while but its quicker than waiting for the drugs...

 

[Symbiote]

No need to fantasize it when I know my existence and identity is a terminal illness.

 

[signifying nothing]

Of course. And an angel of death.

 

[BandAddict]

I do, and more often over time. Though I'd argue that mental illnesses can feel terminal. But yeah, I mostly think about terminal cancer. My mom said that something like that would be a "justifiable" reason to be euthanized.

 

[Perpetually99]

I still think about this all the time. It gives me so much peace. I have a past CTB attempt that only my immediate family knows about. If I die of heart failure or suddenly, they will just assume I ended my own life. Hence why I need something like cancer that can be diagnosed as terminal. I just want 6 months to live.

How does one expedite this? Besides drinking and smoking.

 

[bluedreamscape]

I wish I could get something fatal like glioblastoma and spend the last couple years of my life traveling, partying and basically doing bucket list stuff. I would prefer that much more than decades more of working a job I hate

 

[Bagger]

I in the past thought about getting a cancer or something and how it would be like. Later, tumor appeared inside my feet. It was like 15 years ago and I ignored it. It still grows, veeeeery slowly. Sometimes there is some pain from that spot. And i have very mixed feelings, but I don't think I will ever do anything about it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think it would be great news. Even know my death would likely be painful, it would save me having to do it myself. Knowing my luck I would probably end up with more chronic health problems instead that don't kill you but just make your life a misery.

 

[BlankUser]

I wouldn't want terminal illness. Life is so hard already, terminal illness would bring more pain and less hope. It's better to choose by yourself when you want to ctb.