does anyone else fantasize about their funeral or their loved ones reactions?

[revivals]

i have always been very attracted to the idea of "revenge suicide" where you take your own life to punish the people around you and make them regret treating you the way you did. as ive gotten older ive thought about my funeral not to make my loved ones guilty or upset but to imagine them caring about and missing me. part of the reason im still alive today is that it would be such a waste to not go to my own funeral.

 

[instormdrains]

It makes me feel super horrible thinking about the funeral but I see where your coming from. A couple years ago I was really obsessed with making people never forget about me but I was kinda corny. Probably gonna be clossed casket cus ill jump and if I decide to drown myself ill still ask for it. I feel a bit freaked out having everyone look at my corpse. Im trying to minimize the funeral as much as possible I wont tell any friends so hopefully its just my familly who is basically required to show up. If I could make it so they didnt know I would but oh well.

 

[Charly]

i have always been very attracted to the idea of "revenge suicide" where you take your own life to punish the people around you and make them regret treating you the way you did. as ive gotten older ive thought about my funeral not to make my loved ones guilty or upset but to imagine them caring about and missing me. part of the reason im still alive today is that it would be such a waste to not go to my own funeral.

I fantasize about it a lot but not in a good way. People are extremely nice to me, i got friends and a boyfriend who loves me more than anything. Everyone knows im struggling and they do their best to support me in my whining and unsufferable state. This makes me feel even more guilty and ponder about how much of a useless dumb person i am. It destroys me to think of their shocked reaction, some people especially in my family would probably stop living if i'd go. It's horrible to think about, and still i have to make peace with that.

 

[hughmun9]

i have always been very attracted to the idea of "revenge suicide" where you take your own life to punish the people around you and make them regret treating you the way you did. as ive gotten older ive thought about my funeral not to make my loved ones guilty or upset but to imagine them caring about and missing me. part of the reason im still alive today is that it would be such a waste to not go to my own funeral.

but regardless of when you die you won't be able to attend your own funeral...

I don't actively participate in the fantasy but I do get given flashes of it by my imagination and it does make me feel like people care. But I feel like the few people that would be affected by it, would be because of an attachment to me as opposed to a real mutual connection we have. So I have that thought and quickly realise no one actually cares about me or knows me.

 

[otomedissection]

I feel this. I've always wished that you were able to have a "free trial period" of death. Like where you can observe how the world moves on awhile after you die and see how people react, who truly cares, what changes, etc. Then from there you could choose whether you wanted to reverse everything and continue living or remain dead permanently. I'd be a little afraid of what I'd see, but I'd be so curious to know.

 

[revivals]

I feel this. I've always wished that you were able to have a "free trial period" of death. Like where you can observe how the world moves on awhile after you die and see how people react, who truly cares, what changes, etc. Then from there you could choose whether you wanted to reverse everything and continue living or remain dead permanently. I'd be a little afraid of what I'd see, but I'd be so curious to know.

yeah, exactly. im so curious what people would say about me if they really knew i would never hear it.

 

[TAW122]

I've pondered the thought of the aftermath of my death, whether CTB or otherwise and how people would react... Of course, many years ago I might have cared about what others thought or would react, but in the recent years, given the difficulty of my own personal life and things getting harder as well as more strained relationships (parents, acquaintances, and also just becoming more jaded about the world itself), I'm more focused on just ending my own suffering than to burden and trouble myself with what others' will react, think, say at my funeral. Especially when I would not be around to experience or even impact myself.

 

[skyunderthesea]

I often think of what my funeral would look like. Who would be sad? I'm sure my grandparents would be and maybe a couple of my friends but do I want to stick around and suffer just cause a couple people would be sad?

On that note, does anyone ever imagine being hospitalized after an attempt and people close to you telling you how much they care? I'm fairly closed off about this kind of thing and I usually play it off as a joke whenever I slip up so I guess it would be nice to have people take it seriously. Some part of me is tempted to take a bunch of Tylenol or something just as a cry for help but that feels pathetic. I'll probably just hang myself in the woods when I can't take it anymore.

 

[punyama]

i have always been very attracted to the idea of "revenge suicide" where you take your own life to punish the people around you and make them regret treating you the way you did. as ive gotten older ive thought about my funeral not to make my loved ones guilty or upset but to imagine them caring about and missing me. part of the reason im still alive today is that it would be such a waste to not go to my own funeral.

my ideal scenario would be to just disappear like i never existed in the first place.
i would rather nobody ever found my body.
i want to know how my crush would feel but that's it.

 

[interna]

i used to, but not anymore

 

[Passenger4224]

I love thinking about when my mom hears about my death and rushing upstairs panicked and crying to wake up my dad and tell him the news. I picture them blaming themselves and both of their lives pretty much being destroyed. I love it.

 

[sleepytime5]

i have always been very attracted to the idea of "revenge suicide" where you take your own life to punish the people around you and make them regret treating you the way you did. as ive gotten older ive thought about my funeral not to make my loved ones guilty or upset but to imagine them caring about and missing me. part of the reason im still alive today is that it would be such a waste to not go to my own funeral.

ugh I fucking wish, it's one of the things triggering me into staying here, suicide deaths don't even get a proper funeral, like they'll probably burry me at the outskirt of the cemetary and disrespect the shit out of me. My family will probably be all womp womp over it which I really don't get why, such hypocrisy to play with me and get me to this point only to then sob over the milk you spilled