Venting Who do you hate the most?

[Mm80]

I agree and I never wanted things to be out in public. Like I said, regardless of all the drama, he made some very good and fair points during his stay on the forum.

I'm gonna change my username to... The bpg bridge

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I'm gonna change my username to... The bpg bridge

You mentioned him first.

 

[Symbiote]

I have a burning hatred of myself. I beat myself up often too, angry vicious inner voice as well.

 

[Mm80]

You mentioned him first.

Just felt like you were talking to him through me that's all.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

Just felt like you were talking to him through me that's all.

I doubt he is watching over the forum. Anyway, peace brother.

 

[Mm80]

I doubt he is watching over the forum. Anyway, peace brother.

That's like saying God cannot see everything that is happening.
In your eyes anyway lol

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

That's like saying God cannot see everything that is happening.
In your eyes anyway lol

I know you like him, but comparing him to God is a bit much, imo.

 

[Mm80]

I know you like him, but comparing him to God is a bit much, imo.

On the 6th day, God created bpg, and his work was done.
Unbeknown to God, many years later a load of fools on a suicide forum would actually mistake him for the messiah, buy into the hysteria and become obsessed with an idea that doesn't reflect reality.
Thankfully I wasn't one of them.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

On the 6th day, God created bpg, and his work was done.
Unbeknown to God, many years later a load of fools on a suicide forum would actually mistake him for the messiah, buy into the hysteria and become obsessed with an idea that doesn't reflect reality.
Thankfully I wasn't one of them.

Ouch! That was a bit mean.

 

[Mm80]

Ouch! That was a bit mean.

Probably a bit harsh but I do think it all got a little silly. No member should be idolised like that on the forum. It shouldnt be what it's about imo.
How do you think I feel when I look in the mirror in the morning and see a bpg tattoo across my chest?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

How do you think I feel when I look in the mirror in the morning and see a bpg tattoo across my chest?

Change the meaning, change your feelings. I've highlighted my favorites.


AcronymDefinition
BPGBlocks Per Game (basketball statistic)
BPGBest Practice Guidelines (nursing)
BPGBest Practice Guide
BPGBaseline Practice Guide
BPGBisphosphoglycerate
BPGBerwind Property Group (various locations)
BPGBig Picture Group (Ohio)
BPGBi-National Planning Group (NORADHQ)
BPGBelgian Polymer Group
BPGBypass Graft
BPGBuilding Performance Group
BPGBulgarian Pharmaceutical Group, Ltd. (Bulgaria)
BPGBinational Planning Group (Canada - US - NORTHCOM)
BPGBritish Photodermatology Group
BPGBusiness Productivity Group (Fresno, CA)
BPGBy-Pass Gastrique (French: Gastric Bypass)
BPGBriefings Publishing Group (Wicks)
BPGBase Point Group
BPGBullet Proof Glass
BPGBlue Prairie Group (Chicago, IL)
BPGBritish Pharma Group
BPGBrodie Plant Goddard (UK)
BPGBlagnac Patinage sur Glace (French ice skating club)
BPGBerkshire Paranormal Group (UK)
BPGBusiness Process Group
BPGBaseline Process Guide
BPGBraking Power Generation (mode)
BPGBeach Party Group/Guard
BPGBasic Peak Group (chromatography)
BPGBusiness Practices Group (various organizations)
BPGBest Practices Grade (security)
BPGBenign Prostate Growth
BPGBureau du Pilotage de Gestion (French military office)
BPGBest Price Group (Palm Beach, FL)

 

[Midnight]

Existence itself.

 

[sadworld]

Existence itself.

Existence sucks, I agree!

 

[sarahR]

Myself! I'm like a faulty human being that should be destroyed!

 

[LastFlowers]

Not myself, though many would love to accuse me of such. (I only hate my physical form and my situation, the entrapment, where it has lead me and what it has kept me from.)
I do, however, hold a great degree of hatred for many other individuals. Some of which are "close" to me.

 

[AbsoluteNothingness]

None. Neither "hate" nor any other "negative" thing. I just dont care. I don't "dislike" nor "hate" neither 'myself' nor 'the world', I don't "dislike"/"hate" anyone/anything in general. I don't have any "negative" nor "positive" 'opinions' about absolutely anything. I couldn't give any less of a fuck how 'the world'/'things'/'life'/'planet earth', whatever, is/can be and isn't/can't be lol. Nothing has to be any way for me to 'like' 'it'/'care about' 'it'/be 'interested' in 'it'/"want to 'live'|'experience'|'do'|'explore'|'know about'|'learn about' etc 'it'. I don't want to 'live'/'have' any 'life' of absolutely any 'type'/'kind'/'way'
And don't say: "yOu dOnT cArE aBoUt aNytHinG, yOu donT cArE hOw lIfE tHe wOrlD aNd thiNgS iN gEnErAl ArE aNd yoU dOnT wAnT tO lIvE/eXpErIeNcE lIfE bUt iTs bEcAuSe oF a ReAsOn, bEcAuSe sOmEtHiNg bAd hApPeNs tO yOu aNd yOuRe SuFfErInG aNd Or ArE dEpResSed aNd yOuRe NoT hApPy wItH YoUR LiFe (im not "uhappy"/"sad"/"depressed" nor any other ""negative""/""bad"" 'thing'/'way' lol, it's NOT that 'i' "want to be 'happy' 'but I cant'" no lol it's the opposite. I can perfectly be 'happy' and literally any other "positive" 'thing' if that's what i wanted to lol but i just dont ffs, i just don't give a damn shit about "being happy" and literally any other thing. Nothing "bad" has ever happened/is happening "in my life" and wItHouT aNy rEAsOn aT aLl ItS iMpOsSibLe tO nOt wAnT tO lIve aNd eXpErIeNcE lIfE aNd NoT cArE aBoUt aNytHinG aNd nOt hAvE AnY iNtEreSt In AnYtHinG, tHaTs nOt pOsSiBle aNd iTs iRrAtIonAl (as if i gave a fucking shit if whatever thing is "rational" or "irrational" and what the fck "rational"/"irrational" means lol.) MaYbE yOu sAy tHat yoU dOnT cAre AboUt aNytHinG aNd tHat yoU dOnT cArE aBOuT aNytHinG bUt iTs tEmPoRaRY aNd a pHaSe, tHaTs jUsT dEpReSsIon (it's not 'temporary' nor 'a phase' nor "depression" nor literally any other 'thing'/'reason' lol, im not "depressed" at all about anything and don't have any type of "anxiety" neither, nor literally any other "mental illness"/"mental health issue"/"problem"/"bad situations"/"bad circumstances" of absolutely any 'kind'/'type' at all.) ANd yOu sAy tHaT bEcAusE YoUr LifE iS bAd aNd pAinFuL aNd oR iTs bOrInG aNd mEaNiNgLeSs (lmao i don't give a f shit if 'something' is "meaningless" or "meaningful" or whatever other 'way' lol, has never cared and never will) tO yOu aNd ItS oVerAlL NoT tHe lIfE yOu WAnT tO hAvE aNd lIve (i dont want to have/live/experience/do any 'life' of absolutely any fucking 'type'/'kind'/'way'. Theres no life 'i want' lol, no matter how the fck it is i just dont want to live/have absolutely any 'life' of any type. I dont want to 'live'/'experience' 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth' nor whatever other 'thing' in absolutely any way at all. I just dont lol don't ask why because there aren't ANY reasons at all. I don't give a fcking shit how *insert whatever* is/can be. i don't have any "definition" of "positive"/"negative" nor "good"/"bad", nor "interesting"/"boring", nor "useful"/"useless", nor
MaYbE iTs bEcAuSe hOw hOw mOdErN lIfE iS aNd wHat iT iS aBouT aNd hOw iT wOrKs, mAybE iTs tHe wAy hUmAn LiFe iS nOwAdAyS iN tHe ModErN sOciEtY aNd wOrlD wHat mAkES yOu sAy tHat, aLsO mAybE bEcAuSe oF hOw cRuEl tHe wOrlD iS bEcAuSe Of HumAnItY rUinInG iT (((((i don't give a fucking shit lol. i dont want any fcking 'type' of 'life'/'planet'/'world'. I dont want neither "this world" [let's put the example that there are "more worlds" and "more lives" apart from "these ones" I hope not lmao i just want ABSOLUTE ETERNAL NONEXISTENCE/NOTHINGNESS/OBLIVION. Absolutely nothing. That's it, just nothing. Neither another 'life'/'type of life'/'world'/'type of world'/'planet'/'type of planet'/'consciousness'/'type of consciouness' nor absolutely/literally any other single imaginable/unimaginable 'thing'.] Nor any other "world"/"type of world" nor "life"/"type of life". I just dont give a f about anything and the question ive been always making 'myself' is why the fuck do i have to 'care'/'want to care'/be 'interested' in/want to be 'interested' in etc 'something', whatever it is. Why? just because 'i' was 'born'/'brought' 'here' and 'became' 'something'/'someone'? but what if i just literally simply don't fcking want to? why the fuck am i prevented from not existing/not wanting to live/experiencing life' (nor any other thing) even though i never even asked for existence nor any 'life'/'world'/'planet' nor literally any other thing of any type/form/way/kind? it was all the decision of others.
It's not that i dont want to live life/don't want to exist "because Im suffering" or any other 'reason' no, im not suffering at all for/about absolutely anything, in any way. My life is all 'good'/'great'/'normal'/'perfect' and i couldn't care any less lol. I dont 'want'/'wish for'/'dream about'/'like' [I neither "like" nor "dislike"/"hate" anything/anyone at all. I DONT CARE AND DONT WANT TO CARE. Theres a huge difference.]/'need'/'are interested in'/'want to live and have'/'desire'/'care about' ANY 'life'/'type of life' AT ALL. I dont give a fck, never have gave and never will, if 'the world'/'humanity'/'society'/'life'/'existence'/'planet earth' blah blah, whatever the fuck, is "cruel"/"bad"/"sad"/"painful"/"unfair"/"horrible"/"hard"/"boring"/"meaningless"/"empty"/"pointless" {or whatever all those ""negative"" 'words' mean lol} or whatever other """negative""" 'ways'/'types of' or if it's "good"/"great"/"amazing"/"fair"/"exciting"/"interesting"/"wonderful"/"happy" {or whatever the fuck all those ""positive"" 'words' mean} or whatever other """positive""" 'ways'/'types of' lol i. Literally. Just. Dont. Care!!!!!)))) "MAybE yOu dOnT wAnt tO eXiSt/yOu dOnf care BecAusE oF hOw tHinGS aRe, bEcAuSe THinGs aRe a WaY yOu dOnT liKe, bEcAuSe Of tHe cUrReNt sItUaTiON iN tHe WoRld BecAusE oF tHe pAnDemIc aNd wElL bEcAusE tHe wOrlD iN gEnErAl iS a BaD plAcE fiLleD uP wItH pRoBlEmS (and i couldnt give any less of a sht lol) aNd pEoPlE lIvInG iN vErY bAd cOnDitIonS wIth MiSeRaBlE lIvEs aNd a LoT oF cOrRuPtIoN aNd cRuElTy, iNjuStIcEs aNd vIoLeNcE gOiNg On iN tHe wOrlD" (again i dont give a f shit lmao) No ffs it's not because of that, I couldnt care less and it doesn't "affect" 'me' nor "worry" 'me' at all in any way. It's not because of any of that nor because of literally any other 'reason' of any type at all. I dont give a shit how 'the world'/'planet earth' is/isn't/can be and what happens/what doesn't happen/what can happen neither 'what' "humanity"/"people"/"society" does/doesn't/can do neither how what they 'do' is/isnt/can be neither "how" they are/arent/can be lmao I DONT CARE. Not because 'the world'/'planet earth' is a "great place"/"wonderful place" means I will care about it/be "interested" in it and that Ill want to 'explore'/'see'/'live in'/'experience'/'be part of'/'inhabit' 'it' (i dont want to explore/see/live/experience/be part of/live in/inhabit etcetc ANYTHING/ANYWHERE lol, however it is.) I couldnt care less how whatever thing is/isnt, if it is "good"/"positive" or "bad"/"negative" or whatever the fuck, lol. it's indifferent to me. I just dont want existence of any type, and i dont say i dont want any existence at all "BecAusE iM sUfFeRiNg", "bEcAuSe iM 'dEpReSsEd'", "bEcAuSe mY lIfE iS 'bAd'", NO. It's NOT because of any of those 'reasons' NOR because of literally ANY other 'reasons', AT ALL. My life isnt "bad" at all, just the opposite, it's 'great'/'good' and I 'have it all' and I COULDN'T CARE ANY LESS. And no I'm not "empty" or whatever that means, before anyone assumes that i say i dont give a shit "because im 'empty'", no. And no, im not "depressed" nor "anxious" about anything in any way at all and have never been. Im not under any "medication" or whatever that is lol. im not suffering in absolutely any way, I have 'parents'/'family'/"loved ones" (or whatever that it's called) who 'want'/'love' 'me' 'a lot' (i put it between 's because i couldnt care any less, not because it isn't true. It is, i just dont care and never will, and call me "cruel"/"inconsiderate"/"ungrateful"/"cold-hearted" [or whatever tf that means lol] or whatever other ""negative"" 'thing'/'way', i dont care.) and i dont give a shit. I just dont. To not be suspicious and sent to a psychiatrist/psychologist or whatever that shit is I have no choice but 'smile' and pretend i care but honestly I just dont and have never cared and never will. I dont give a damn, as "cruel" and ""ungrateful"" as that sounds. I have a 'good'/'perfect'/'great'/'normal' 'life' and I dont give a f sht. I have 'shelter'/'food'/'clothes'/'place to sleep'/'comfort'/'good'|'great' 'parents'|'family' and blah blah many other ""positive""/""good""/""great"" 'things' and I DONT CARE AT ALL. Im allowed to 'do' "whatever i want" and i dont give a single f shit, theres absolutely anything at all hat i "want to do"/"care about"/"have 'interest' for"/"want to learn"/"want to know"/"want to experience"/"like" [[i neither "like" nor "dislike"/"hate" anything/anyone, i DONT CARE, thats different. I couldn't give any less of a damn about anything, it's not that I "dislike" or "hate", however whatever 'thing' is i will never neither "like"/"love" it nor "dislike"/"hate" it. Everything/anything whatever/however it is/can be is absolutely indifferent to me, has always been and will always be. i dont have any type of 'opinion' about anything/anyone, neither "positive" nor "negative".]] nor any other 'action verb' at all. I dont want to 'do' anything of any type, not only from "responsibilities" BUT NEITHER from "leisure" NOR any other type of 'thing'/'activity'/'action'. My 'parents' let/allow/want 'me' to 'be' "whatever"/"however"/"whoever" "I want" and I DONT GIVE A SHT. I just simply dont. They say they dont want to 'force' 'me' to anything and i couldnt care any less neither lol. They 'say' (or whatever "say" means lol) I can 'live' 'my life'/'life' "the way i want to" and 'have'/'live' the 'life'/'kind of life' "I want to have and live"/"I like" and I DONT CARE AT ALL. I just dont, i. Just. Don't. There's no 'life'/'kind of life' I "want"/"want to live and have"/"want to do"/"want to experience"/"like" (I neither "like" nor "dislike" any 'life'/'kind of life', i just literally dont want any 'life'/'type of life', couldnt care any less how a 'life' is/isnt/can be) there simply isn't any and has never been and never will. Many "good"/"positive"/"great" (or whatever that means lol) 'things' happen/have happend to 'me' "throughout 'my life'" and i literally just couldn't care any less at all. I dont give a fuck Im supposed to act very "grateful" and be "happy" or whatever that means but i literally couldn't care any less. And it's not that "I want to be 'happy' but I cant", it's just the opposite, I can/could be perfectly be 'happy' [or whatever "happy" means lol] but I dont want to lmao. I dont want to be any fucking way at all, much less "positive" 'ways'. Im apparently 'very "lucky" and "privileged" (or whatever those 'words' mean lmfao) and I couldnt care any less. I dont give a single fuck at all. Ive always been/I am 'treated' 'very' 'well' by my 'parents'/my 'family' and they say they want "all the best for me" and I dont give not even a single fcking sht but obviously have to force a 'smile' and pretend I care and act "grateful" or whatever that means bc thats the "normal thing" and to not be suspicious and assumed to be "depressed"/"empty"/"broken"/"mentally unstable"/"mentally ill"/"apathetic" or whatever the fuck those 'words' mean lol and that there's 'something' "wrong" with 'me' lol.
And well, i havent ctbed yet because I know they'll suffer a lot (and also bc I dont have any way out anyway) and it'll make a "negative impact" in their 'lives' and they'll be very 'devastated' and 'sad' and I imagine them 'crying' a lot when finding the body and as much as I dont give a shit about anything at all that scene i get in my "mind" of my 'parents' and the rest of 'my' 'family' finding my body (or whatever tf a 'mind' is lmao) is actually 'shocking'. It's a hard decision for 'me' because i know they 'love' 'me' a lot and will be very affected and devastated and it'll be 'hard' for them but i know I DEFINITELY will ctb someday anyways lol that wont 'change' 'me' and 'become' "interested" in 'life'/'living'/'existence'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'things' and blah blah (I neither want any of this whatever/however it is neither absolutely ANY other single type of thing whatever/however it is, PLEASE no afterlife, i really hope nothingness is true because that's what I wish death is, absolute eternal non-existence.) and won't make 'me' want to live/experience/do/explore 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth' blah blah whatever, neither will never make 'me' care about/be "interested" in it (nor any other thing whatever/however it is), sorry but i wont stay even though I simply just dont fucking want to ( and don't want/dont want to 'want' at all absolutely anything else/anything in general whatever it is) just because if I leave they'll cry and be sad and traumatised/devastated. i should have the right to not exist if that's what I want. Because 'im' inevitably 'something'/'someone'/'here'/'existent'/a 'human being'|'living being'|'species'|'individual'|'life form'|'creature' and 'I' was inevitably/forcedly 'born'/'brought' 'here' to 'existence' and 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'life on earth' (((it is called "life on Earth" as if there are gonna be more lives after "this one" ends, please no lol i literally just dont want any 'lives' of any type, any 'worlds'/'planets' of any type, any 'existences'/'consciousness'/'awareness' of any type nor any other thing ffs, i only want NON-EXISTENCE/NOTHINGNESS!!! im "sorry" to those who want an "afterlife" though lol))) and 'I' was also forced into 'parents'/'family' now ill even have to assume the """guilt""" of leaving 'them' 'behind' and 'hurting' 'them', sigh. Sorry but as much as it will hurt them a lot and will completely 'change' their 'lives', I will still ctb someday anyway. it is a hard decision because I know they'll suffer and all that but I know I will, if i just dont want to exist/live|experience|do|explore 'life'/'the world'/'existence'/'planet earth' I just dont and that's it. Any of this (nor any other thing in general, nothing in general should be an obligation/ shouldn't be obligatory. Im so sorry to my 'parents' and my 'family' but I wont stay just for your sake (or wahtever "sake" means lol) and just because you'll be devastated. I never asked to exist/be 'brought' anywhere and I should have the right to leave whenever I want.

Also wanted to say that im not "hopeless" about anything lol. I know this username i have isnt appropriate at all for 'me' because I'm not "hopeless" about absolutely anything, Im not any type of "hopeless", at least not the type of "hopeless" you all/everyone else/in general are. But well i put the 'word' "hopeless" for.the username because at that moment i was thinking about ((i dont want to 'think'/'think about' any fucking thing of any type but well, im 'here'/'something'/'someone'/a 'person'/a 'human being'/'living being'/'life form'/'entity'/'species'/'individual'/'living creature', 'i' 'exist' and this along with other 'action verbs' is what 'human beings'/'people' 'in' a 'planet' called 'earth' 'do' so.. to not be suspicious immediately and taken to a psychiatrist/psychologist while being assumed to be "depressed" and or that something "bad" happens to 'me' or whatever other 'reason' and blaah blah blah, i have no choice but 'think'/'function'/'move'/'do things' pretend im interested in 'life'/'things'/'the world' etcetc uNlesS iTs 'bAd' oR aNy OtHeR "nEgAtIvE" wAy and act like i want to be "happy", act "normal" and "active" and other garbage like that.))That i dont have any way out to ctb
I just don't 'care' and never will and never will want to and I'll never understand why the fuck do 'I' have to care/want to care about 'something' or whatever lol, despite I never asked to exist nor be 'brought' anywhere, it seems that everything is obligatory, at least 'here' on 'planet Earth'/'life'/'human life'/'the world' or whatever their 'names' are, uNlEsS yOuRe 'sUfFeRiNg'/uNlEsS yOu hAvE a 'jUsTiFiEd'/'vAliD' 'ReAsOn' and I just cant comprehend why it has to be like that, just because 'humans' say so and feel like it? Lol. What's so "wrong" about just literally not wanting/not giving a shit about/not having absolutely any "interest" in anything at all of literally any 'type'/'kind'/'way' and just literally simply just not wanting to 'experience'/'live'/'do' 'life'/'know'/'explore'/'enjoy'/'discover'/'be part of'/'participate in'/'see'/'perceive' 'the world'/'planet earth' (in general, no matter how/what way it is etc. Nor literally any other 'thing'/'place') (WITHOUT IT being 'temporary' nor "depression" nor "apathy" nor "loss of interest and motivation" nor "bEcAuSe oF a rEaSoN)? . I simply just dont, no matter 'what'/'how' whatever 'thing'/'person'/'place' is. There aren't any 'reasons' for 'why I dont care about anything', I just dont and never had cared and never will and will never want to and thats it

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

None. Neither "hate" nor any other "negative" thing. I just dont care. I don't "dislike" nor "hate" neither 'myself' nor 'the world', I don't "dislike"/"hate" anyone/anything in general. I don't have any "negative" nor "positive" 'opinions' about absolutely anything. I couldn't give any less of a fuck how 'the world'/'things'/'life'/'planet earth', whatever, is/can be and isn't/can't be lol. Nothing has to be any way for me to 'like' 'it'/'care about' 'it'/be 'interested' in 'it'/"want to 'live'|'experience'|'do'|'explore'|'know about'|'learn about' etc 'it'. I don't want to 'live'/'have' any 'life' of absolutely any 'type'/'kind'/'way'
And don't say: "yOu dOnT cArE aBoUt aNytHinG, yOu donT cArE hOw lIfE tHe wOrlD aNd thiNgS iN gEnErAl ArE aNd yoU dOnT wAnT tO lIvE/eXpErIeNcE lIfE bUt iTs bEcAuSe oF a ReAsOn, bEcAuSe sOmEtHiNg bAd hApPeNs tO yOu aNd yOuRe SuFfErInG aNd Or ArE dEpResSed aNd yOuRe NoT hApPy wItH YoUR LiFe (im not "uhappy"/"sad"/"depressed" nor any other ""negative""/""bad"" 'thing'/'way' lol, it's NOT that 'i' "want to be 'happy' 'but I cant'" no lol it's the opposite. I can perfectly be 'happy' and literally any other "positive" 'thing' if that's what i wanted to lol but i just dont ffs, i just don't give a damn shit about "being happy" and literally any other thing. Nothing "bad" has ever happened/is happening "in my life" and wItHouT aNy rEAsOn aT aLl ItS iMpOsSibLe tO nOt wAnT tO lIve aNd eXpErIeNcE lIfE aNd NoT cArE aBoUt aNytHinG aNd nOt hAvE AnY iNtEreSt In AnYtHinG, tHaTs nOt pOsSiBle aNd iTs iRrAtIonAl (as if i gave a fucking shit if whatever thing is "rational" or "irrational" and what the fck "rational"/"irrational" means lol.) MaYbE yOu sAy tHat yoU dOnT cAre AboUt aNytHinG aNd tHat yoU dOnT cArE aBOuT aNytHinG bUt iTs tEmPoRaRY aNd a pHaSe, tHaTs jUsT dEpReSsIon (it's not 'temporary' nor 'a phase' nor "depression" nor literally any other 'thing'/'reason' lol, im not "depressed" at all about anything and don't have any type of "anxiety" neither, nor literally any other "mental illness"/"mental health issue"/"problem"/"bad situations"/"bad circumstances" of absolutely any 'kind'/'type' at all.) ANd yOu sAy tHaT bEcAusE YoUr LifE iS bAd aNd pAinFuL aNd oR iTs bOrInG aNd mEaNiNgLeSs (lmao i don't give a f shit if 'something' is "meaningless" or "meaningful" or whatever other 'way' lol, has never cared and never will) tO yOu aNd ItS oVerAlL NoT tHe lIfE yOu WAnT tO hAvE aNd lIve (i dont want to have/live/experience/do any 'life' of absolutely any fucking 'type'/'kind'/'way'. Theres no life 'i want' lol, no matter how the fck it is i just dont want to live/have absolutely any 'life' of any type. I dont want to 'live'/'experience' 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth' nor whatever other 'thing' in absolutely any way at all. I just dont lol don't ask why because there aren't ANY reasons at all. I don't give a fcking shit how *insert whatever* is/can be. i don't have any "definition" of "positive"/"negative" nor "good"/"bad", nor "interesting"/"boring", nor "useful"/"useless", nor
MaYbE iTs bEcAuSe hOw hOw mOdErN lIfE iS aNd wHat iT iS aBouT aNd hOw iT wOrKs, mAybE iTs tHe wAy hUmAn LiFe iS nOwAdAyS iN tHe ModErN sOciEtY aNd wOrlD wHat mAkES yOu sAy tHat, aLsO mAybE bEcAuSe oF hOw cRuEl tHe wOrlD iS bEcAuSe Of HumAnItY rUinInG iT (((((i don't give a fucking shit lol. i dont want any fcking 'type' of 'life'/'planet'/'world'. I dont want neither "this world" [let's put the example that there are "more worlds" and "more lives" apart from "these ones" I hope not lmao i just want ABSOLUTE ETERNAL NONEXISTENCE/NOTHINGNESS/OBLIVION. Absolutely nothing. That's it, just nothing. Neither another 'life'/'type of life'/'world'/'type of world'/'planet'/'type of planet'/'consciousness'/'type of consciouness' nor absolutely/literally any other single imaginable/unimaginable 'thing'.] Nor any other "world"/"type of world" nor "life"/"type of life". I just dont give a f about anything and the question ive been always making 'myself' is why the fuck do i have to 'care'/'want to care'/be 'interested' in/want to be 'interested' in etc 'something', whatever it is. Why? just because 'i' was 'born'/'brought' 'here' and 'became' 'something'/'someone'? but what if i just literally simply don't fcking want to? why the fuck am i prevented from not existing/not wanting to live/experiencing life' (nor any other thing) even though i never even asked for existence nor any 'life'/'world'/'planet' nor literally any other thing of any type/form/way/kind? it was all the decision of others.
It's not that i dont want to live life/don't want to exist "because Im suffering" or any other 'reason' no, im not suffering at all for/about absolutely anything, in any way. My life is all 'good'/'great'/'normal'/'perfect' and i couldn't care any less lol. I dont 'want'/'wish for'/'dream about'/'like' [I neither "like" nor "dislike"/"hate" anything/anyone at all. I DONT CARE AND DONT WANT TO CARE. Theres a huge difference.]/'need'/'are interested in'/'want to live and have'/'desire'/'care about' ANY 'life'/'type of life' AT ALL. I dont give a fck, never have gave and never will, if 'the world'/'humanity'/'society'/'life'/'existence'/'planet earth' blah blah, whatever the fuck, is "cruel"/"bad"/"sad"/"painful"/"unfair"/"horrible"/"hard"/"boring"/"meaningless"/"empty"/"pointless" {or whatever all those ""negative"" 'words' mean lol} or whatever other """negative""" 'ways'/'types of' or if it's "good"/"great"/"amazing"/"fair"/"exciting"/"interesting"/"wonderful"/"happy" {or whatever the fuck all those ""positive"" 'words' mean} or whatever other """positive""" 'ways'/'types of' lol i. Literally. Just. Dont. Care!!!!!)))) "MAybE yOu dOnT wAnt tO eXiSt/yOu dOnf care BecAusE oF hOw tHinGS aRe, bEcAuSe THinGs aRe a WaY yOu dOnT liKe, bEcAuSe Of tHe cUrReNt sItUaTiON iN tHe WoRld BecAusE oF tHe pAnDemIc aNd wElL bEcAusE tHe wOrlD iN gEnErAl iS a BaD plAcE fiLleD uP wItH pRoBlEmS (and i couldnt give any less of a sht lol) aNd pEoPlE lIvInG iN vErY bAd cOnDitIonS wIth MiSeRaBlE lIvEs aNd a LoT oF cOrRuPtIoN aNd cRuElTy, iNjuStIcEs aNd vIoLeNcE gOiNg On iN tHe wOrlD" (again i dont give a f shit lmao) No ffs it's not because of that, I couldnt care less and it doesn't "affect" 'me' nor "worry" 'me' at all in any way. It's not because of any of that nor because of literally any other 'reason' of any type at all. I dont give a shit how 'the world'/'planet earth' is/isn't/can be and what happens/what doesn't happen/what can happen neither 'what' "humanity"/"people"/"society" does/doesn't/can do neither how what they 'do' is/isnt/can be neither "how" they are/arent/can be lmao I DONT CARE. Not because 'the world'/'planet earth' is a "great place"/"wonderful place" means I will care about it/be "interested" in it and that Ill want to 'explore'/'see'/'live in'/'experience'/'be part of'/'inhabit' 'it' (i dont want to explore/see/live/experience/be part of/live in/inhabit etcetc ANYTHING/ANYWHERE lol, however it is.) I couldnt care less how whatever thing is/isnt, if it is "good"/"positive" or "bad"/"negative" or whatever the fuck, lol. it's indifferent to me. I just dont want existence of any type, and i dont say i dont want any existence at all "BecAusE iM sUfFeRiNg", "bEcAuSe iM 'dEpReSsEd'", "bEcAuSe mY lIfE iS 'bAd'", NO. It's NOT because of any of those 'reasons' NOR because of literally ANY other 'reasons', AT ALL. My life isnt "bad" at all, just the opposite, it's 'great'/'good' and I 'have it all' and I COULDN'T CARE ANY LESS. And no I'm not "empty" or whatever that means, before anyone assumes that i say i dont give a shit "because im 'empty'", no. And no, im not "depressed" nor "anxious" about anything in any way at all and have never been. Im not under any "medication" or whatever that is lol. im not suffering in absolutely any way, I have 'parents'/'family'/"loved ones" (or whatever that it's called) who 'want'/'love' 'me' 'a lot' (i put it between 's because i couldnt care any less, not because it isn't true. It is, i just dont care and never will, and call me "cruel"/"inconsiderate"/"ungrateful"/"cold-hearted" [or whatever tf that means lol] or whatever other ""negative"" 'thing'/'way', i dont care.) and i dont give a shit. I just dont. To not be suspicious and sent to a psychiatrist/psychologist or whatever that shit is I have no choice but 'smile' and pretend i care but honestly I just dont and have never cared and never will. I dont give a damn, as "cruel" and ""ungrateful"" as that sounds. I have a 'good'/'perfect'/'great'/'normal' 'life' and I dont give a f sht. I have 'shelter'/'food'/'clothes'/'place to sleep'/'comfort'/'good'|'great' 'parents'|'family' and blah blah many other ""positive""/""good""/""great"" 'things' and I DONT CARE AT ALL. Im allowed to 'do' "whatever i want" and i dont give a single f shit, theres absolutely anything at all hat i "want to do"/"care about"/"have 'interest' for"/"want to learn"/"want to know"/"want to experience"/"like" [[i neither "like" nor "dislike"/"hate" anything/anyone, i DONT CARE, thats different. I couldn't give any less of a damn about anything, it's not that I "dislike" or "hate", however whatever 'thing' is i will never neither "like"/"love" it nor "dislike"/"hate" it. Everything/anything whatever/however it is/can be is absolutely indifferent to me, has always been and will always be. i dont have any type of 'opinion' about anything/anyone, neither "positive" nor "negative".]] nor any other 'action verb' at all. I dont want to 'do' anything of any type, not only from "responsibilities" BUT NEITHER from "leisure" NOR any other type of 'thing'/'activity'/'action'. My 'parents' let/allow/want 'me' to 'be' "whatever"/"however"/"whoever" "I want" and I DONT GIVE A SHT. I just simply dont. They say they dont want to 'force' 'me' to anything and i couldnt care any less neither lol. They 'say' (or whatever "say" means lol) I can 'live' 'my life'/'life' "the way i want to" and 'have'/'live' the 'life'/'kind of life' "I want to have and live"/"I like" and I DONT CARE AT ALL. I just dont, i. Just. Don't. There's no 'life'/'kind of life' I "want"/"want to live and have"/"want to do"/"want to experience"/"like" (I neither "like" nor "dislike" any 'life'/'kind of life', i just literally dont want any 'life'/'type of life', couldnt care any less how a 'life' is/isnt/can be) there simply isn't any and has never been and never will. Many "good"/"positive"/"great" (or whatever that means lol) 'things' happen/have happend to 'me' "throughout 'my life'" and i literally just couldn't care any less at all. I dont give a fuck Im supposed to act very "grateful" and be "happy" or whatever that means but i literally couldn't care any less. And it's not that "I want to be 'happy' but I cant", it's just the opposite, I can/could be perfectly be 'happy' [or whatever "happy" means lol] but I dont want to lmao. I dont want to be any fucking way at all, much less "positive" 'ways'. Im apparently 'very "lucky" and "privileged" (or whatever those 'words' mean lmfao) and I couldnt care any less. I dont give a single fuck at all. Ive always been/I am 'treated' 'very' 'well' by my 'parents'/my 'family' and they say they want "all the best for me" and I dont give not even a single fcking sht but obviously have to force a 'smile' and pretend I care and act "grateful" or whatever that means bc thats the "normal thing" and to not be suspicious and assumed to be "depressed"/"empty"/"broken"/"mentally unstable"/"mentally ill"/"apathetic" or whatever the fuck those 'words' mean lol and that there's 'something' "wrong" with 'me' lol.
And well, i havent ctbed yet because I know they'll suffer a lot (and also bc I dont have any way out anyway) and it'll make a "negative impact" in their 'lives' and they'll be very 'devastated' and 'sad' and I imagine them 'crying' a lot when finding the body and as much as I dont give a shit about anything at all that scene i get in my "mind" of my 'parents' and the rest of 'my' 'family' finding my body (or whatever tf a 'mind' is lmao) is actually 'shocking'. It's a hard decision for 'me' because i know they 'love' 'me' a lot and will be very affected and devastated and it'll be 'hard' for them but i know I DEFINITELY will ctb someday anyways lol that wont 'change' 'me' and 'become' "interested" in 'life'/'living'/'existence'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'things' and blah blah (I neither want any of this whatever/however it is neither absolutely ANY other single type of thing whatever/however it is, PLEASE no afterlife, i really hope nothingness is true because that's what I wish death is, absolute eternal non-existence.) and won't make 'me' want to live/experience/do/explore 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth' blah blah whatever, neither will never make 'me' care about/be "interested" in it (nor any other thing whatever/however it is), sorry but i wont stay even though I simply just dont fucking want to ( and don't want/dont want to 'want' at all absolutely anything else/anything in general whatever it is) just because if I leave they'll cry and be sad and traumatised/devastated. i should have the right to not exist if that's what I want. Because 'im' inevitably 'something'/'someone'/'here'/'existent'/a 'human being'|'living being'|'species'|'individual'|'life form'|'creature' and 'I' was inevitably/forcedly 'born'/'brought' 'here' to 'existence' and 'life'/'the world'/'planet earth'/'life on earth' (((it is called "life on Earth" as if there are gonna be more lives after "this one" ends, please no lol i literally just dont want any 'lives' of any type, any 'worlds'/'planets' of any type, any 'existences'/'consciousness'/'awareness' of any type nor any other thing ffs, i only want NON-EXISTENCE/NOTHINGNESS!!! im "sorry" to those who want an "afterlife" though lol))) and 'I' was also forced into 'parents'/'family' now ill even have to assume the """guilt""" of leaving 'them' 'behind' and 'hurting' 'them', sigh. Sorry but as much as it will hurt them a lot and will completely 'change' their 'lives', I will still ctb someday anyway. it is a hard decision because I know they'll suffer and all that but I know I will, if i just dont want to exist/live|experience|do|explore 'life'/'the world'/'existence'/'planet earth' I just dont and that's it. Any of this (nor any other thing in general, nothing in general should be an obligation/ shouldn't be obligatory. Im so sorry to my 'parents' and my 'family' but I wont stay just for your sake (or wahtever "sake" means lol) and just because you'll be devastated. I never asked to exist/be 'brought' anywhere and I should have the right to leave whenever I want.

Also wanted to say that im not "hopeless" about anything lol. I know this username i have isnt appropriate at all for 'me' because I'm not "hopeless" about absolutely anything, Im not any type of "hopeless", at least not the type of "hopeless" you all/everyone else/in general are. But well i put the 'word' "hopeless" for.the username because at that moment i was thinking about ((i dont want to 'think'/'think about' any fucking thing of any type but well, im 'here'/'something'/'someone'/a 'person'/a 'human being'/'living being'/'life form'/'entity'/'species'/'individual'/'living creature', 'i' 'exist' and this along with other 'action verbs' is what 'human beings'/'people' 'in' a 'planet' called 'earth' 'do' so.. to not be suspicious immediately and taken to a psychiatrist/psychologist while being assumed to be "depressed" and or that something "bad" happens to 'me' or whatever other 'reason' and blaah blah blah, i have no choice but 'think'/'function'/'move'/'do things' pretend im interested in 'life'/'things'/'the world' etcetc uNlesS iTs 'bAd' oR aNy OtHeR "nEgAtIvE" wAy and act like i want to be "happy", act "normal" and "active" and other garbage like that.))That i dont have any way out to ctb
I just don't 'care' and never will and never will want to and I'll never understand why the fuck do 'I' have to care/want to care about 'something' or whatever lol, despite I never asked to exist nor be 'brought' anywhere, it seems that everything is obligatory, at least 'here' on 'planet Earth'/'life'/'human life'/'the world' or whatever their 'names' are, uNlEsS yOuRe 'sUfFeRiNg'/uNlEsS yOu hAvE a 'jUsTiFiEd'/'vAliD' 'ReAsOn' and I just cant comprehend why it has to be like that, just because 'humans' say so and feel like it? Lol. What's so "wrong" about just literally not wanting/not giving a shit about/not having absolutely any "interest" in anything at all of literally any 'type'/'kind'/'way' and just literally simply just not wanting to 'experience'/'live'/'do' 'life'/'know'/'explore'/'enjoy'/'discover'/'be part of'/'participate in'/'see'/'perceive' 'the world'/'planet earth' (in general, no matter how/what way it is etc. Nor literally any other 'thing'/'place') (WITHOUT IT being 'temporary' nor "depression" nor "apathy" nor "loss of interest and motivation" nor "bEcAuSe oF a rEaSoN)? . I simply just dont, no matter 'what'/'how' whatever 'thing'/'person'/'place' is. There aren't any 'reasons' for 'why I dont care about anything', I just dont and never had cared and never will and will never want to and thats it

Sorry, couldn't read due to lack of paragraphs and weird capitalization of letters.

 

[these_days9]

Definitely me. I'm the only thing I can sort of confirm is real, and I hate all of it. I do believe in others and the world, but I guess I also can't blame them just in case the small possibility exists that they aren't actually there. Regardless, they both exist only in how I perceive them so it just all leads back to hatred of me. I know it's not fully logical but there ya go.

 

[Disappointered]

ok thats what i thought you meant i just kind of always clumped it together lol

i hate myself because im worthless and cant do anything right.
i hate others but like not everyone. i have a select few.
and i hate the world.

This is basically the same as my answer would be.

 

[MindFrog]

The only constant things in this world is change and my ever loving hate for myself.

 

[ecmnesia]

For me it's all three, the only difference is that the hatred is sometimes simultaneous and sometimes it isn't.

same.

 

[Despondent]

My deadbeat biological father

 

[Mr2005]

Myself easily