I only feel comfortable around people when they know how much self-hatred I have for myself. I often don't like my quirks and habits. I feel more comfortable on here and with close friends.
The most uncomfortable situations are with people of my past and my relatives. I hate the person I have become and that I don't have anything to show. No career, no partner, nothing but self-hatred.
I live for being seen, mirrored and acknowledged. While at the same time actually this drives me insane. I hate for be perceived in ways that feel uncomfortable for me. Needy, morally corrupt, ignorant, judgemental, a fraud, a faker. Even though I think many of that is partially true. But I need to be transparent about that. The person has to know that I already have hatred for these traits before they can judge me for it.
I have a very low tolerance for stimulus. And social interaction can easily feel like catastrophes to me. With AI analyses I try to get rid of the uncertainty that they inherently have. I hate the ambiguity that comes along with them.
I cannot live with or without them. Only in small dosages. The best and worst moments in my life circle around social relations. That's pathetic. I often have the feeling I need someone to save me from myself. From this unhappiness I am in. And all the torture I am doing to myself. While at the same time this torture alienates me from the people around me.
The most uncomfortable situations are with people of my past and my relatives. I hate the person I have become and that I don't have anything to show. No career, no partner, nothing but self-hatred.
I live for being seen, mirrored and acknowledged. While at the same time actually this drives me insane. I hate for be perceived in ways that feel uncomfortable for me. Needy, morally corrupt, ignorant, judgemental, a fraud, a faker. Even though I think many of that is partially true. But I need to be transparent about that. The person has to know that I already have hatred for these traits before they can judge me for it.
I have a very low tolerance for stimulus. And social interaction can easily feel like catastrophes to me. With AI analyses I try to get rid of the uncertainty that they inherently have. I hate the ambiguity that comes along with them.
I cannot live with or without them. Only in small dosages. The best and worst moments in my life circle around social relations. That's pathetic. I often have the feeling I need someone to save me from myself. From this unhappiness I am in. And all the torture I am doing to myself. While at the same time this torture alienates me from the people around me.
