Help Who do I even talk to about having vengeful thoughts w/o getting locked up?

[phantomisgone]

I've just been so angry these past years ever since my CTB attempt. Angry because the people who driven me to do so get to live all happily with their lives. As if they never did anything wrong to me. My whole reality has been altered because of all of them. Sure it's "better" now and they aren't necessarily in my life anymore, but I still have to deal with what they did to me.

I don't want to physically hurt them. I just want to verbally let out my frustration, but I can't, nor will it help because I can't make people care about what they did to me... unless they actually felt how I felt.

I can't speak to:

• A counselor/therapist at my College because they will immediately flag me
• My parents because they believe that I'm doing better now (plus they witnessed the aftermath of my CTB attempt)
• The people who did me wrong because they will not even care and even make things worse
• My friends because they don't know how I truly feel and it would overwhelm them

I just have no one to talk to while these thoughts happen to me once a week. I just hate how I have to deal with this, while they get to wander around, as if they were innocent.

 

[Spreadingmywings]

Just notice they are thoughts and stop giving them your focus; don't identify with them. You are like the vast blue sky and they are clouds just passing by. It is when one gives them attention that the story narrative aka thoughts create your reality and an apparent suffering. Have you tried meditating? Def recommend; it helps see through the illusion of the mind, which is impermanent.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I think it would be safe to talk about these thoughts with a counselor. Your thoughts aren't "I hate these people, I want to assault/kill them", it is more "I'm so angry at these people, I want to yell at them and make others know that they wronged me." Unless you're playing down the severity of these thoughts in your post. If you are, no judgment from me. But if your feelings and thoughts are just what you've described in this post, I don't think a counselor would report you for telling them that.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Why not make some more specific posts and just talk to us about what's on your mind?