Who did you want to be before you wanted to die?

[Redleaf1992]

Back at university (about 14th ago) I began by studying radiotherapy. I wanted a career where I could help people and I felt the skills required fit somewhat into my strengths. Like most people I envisioned have a loving partner and probably children.

Unfortunately things kinda went down hill from there. At uni I discovered my concentration to listen is zilch. Really struggled and messed up in other ways, so switched courses. I coped with the other course in terms of passing exams (skin of my teeth) but now stuck in a career which has no meaning to me.

Having a partner never played out for variety reasons anxiety/intimacy/gender confusion etc etc. Never had a relationship unfortunately.

Everything kinda went down hill from there really, living on autopilot.

 

[FloodedForest]

I wanted to be have become something, have a decent life, job etc. Instead, I became nothing, anxiety driven, unsociable, unable to give my kids a life they deserve, worst achiever out my siblings (3 of them), struggling to function, shut down in group settings.

 

[sserafim]

I've never really wanted to be anyone. I've always wanted to be on the outside looking in, just watching life instead of having to be part of it.

Same, I've always felt like an observer rather than a participant of life

 

[heisenberg]

i've always wanted to be a doctor, nurse, or paramedic. i just wanted to help people. i wanted to be in a relationship with someone that loves me and have dogs and cats together.

 

[soontobec0rpse]

I wanted to travel. Since I was very small I did. I always imagined escaping my abusive family and living in another country. I've wanted to go to Asia since I was little.. always thought the scenery was beautiful. I wanted to be a writer/artist. I'm realizing that my circumstances make that impossible. And I'm realizing that no matter where on the planet I go I won't be happy.

 

[grungy自殺]

I wanted to be normal and not speak so awkwardly to people that would give me anxiety.

Childhood was easy to socialize, but later in teenhood it becomes a never ending nightmare to talk to people when you're in a completely different environment that doesn't give you a space to breathe.

 

[underthedatetree]

I don't really remember. I think an artist and animator

 

[matt1968]

I'm not sure I had too much of an idea.
I worked hard academically at school (so I could shut myself away) but not really an idea of what I wanted to do.
I played sport to a good standard but again no real ambition.
Then just drifted from job to job - enjoyed some and done a variety of things.
But recently, I've just had a big burnout / breakdown (AVPD I think) and I now believe I was just trying to survive all the time and with that had no understanding or capacity to think for the future.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i don't know of anything in particular. always did well in school - academically and socially. i don't think i wanted to work though but as it turns out, i loved a lot of my jobs. i loved animals and the outdoors (especially if water was nearby) but i never really had any ambition. i think photographer came to mind once. one thing i realized through experience is that i didn't want to be a car mechanic. that job just sucks. around that same time, if i had my pool cue, i could (and did) shoot pool til the sun came up and was happy as a clam.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

Shortly before becoming a teen i wanted to be dead. Whenever i've attempted to become something more "realistic" it's turned out to have been a complete waste of time.

sorry i read over your post the first time/ i saw jedi knight and was like ok... i've had less than 4 mins sleep in the past 3 days... pirate huh? i don't like land lubbers either!

 

[makeitstop___]

I'm not sure I had too much of an idea.
I worked hard academically at school (so I could shut myself away) but not really an idea of what I wanted to do.
I played sport to a good standard but again no real ambition.
Then just drifted from job to job - enjoyed some and done a variety of things.
But recently, I've just had a big burnout / breakdown (AVPD I think) and I now believe I was just trying to survive all the time and with that had no understanding or capacity to think for the future.

I feel this. The surviving it day in and day out is exhausting.

 

[Pikmin]

All I ever wanted to be was a father, and have a family of my own. I didn't really have a family growing up, I wanted to have a kid or maybe two, and love and support them like I wish I had been growing up.

 

[tbroken]

I wanted to become a better version of what i already am, a computer engineer with also a strong skillset in electrics/electronics or something like that.
Plus I wanted more friends with my same character and philosophy, but most of the times i meet ppl who follow fashions, lie etc..
But i think it is not their fault and neither mine, it is all CTPSD fault.

 

[Forveleth]

I wanted to be a carpenter but my parents forced me into college and a non-trade career. I also wanted to travel the world but my partner makes travelling unbearable, so I gave up on that.

 

[sickgirlzis]

I want to be a mother and an author and study psychology more. I still want these things, it's the only thing keeping me going sometimes, but I am just not motivated to even care to work towards anything.

 

[LunarLight]

I wanted to be a singer.