Who did you want to be before you wanted to die?

[Lostone47]

Wanted to be a cfo of a company at some point. I went to a hybrid trade school that allowed top performers to get degrees instead of strictly graduating in the trades. Was dating a woman for 1.5 years and helping raise her 3 year old daughter at the time because the father was a deadbeat. She got pregnant with our child so I decided to stay in the mechanical trades because of the overtime money for pregnancy and future family expenses. 4 months into the pregnancy she decided she didn't want to have 2 kids and informed me she was going to get an abortion instead, after we had already discussed our future family and marriage. I was devastated because I had made a major life decision for the future family unit and she was just going to give it all up. Irrational or not, I tried to CTB via electrocution because I felt like a failure. That basically set me on a path of numbness and indifference to my dream of becoming a husband and a father.

 

[uselessman]

I wanted to be a good son, a good father, a good husband.

Instead something went wrong. I turned out to be a broken human. I had some childhood trauma but otherwise I had every opportunity growing up. I just couldn't make friends. People just didn't like me for all sorts of reasons. Am I an introvert because no one likes me?? or does no one like me because I am an introvert?

3 years ago I just stopped talking to everyone. I changed my phone number, I moved to a town 30 miles away and I left my social media active but stopped posting entirely. In that time 1 girl that I had not seen in at least 40 years was the only person to ask me if I was ok via messenger and 2 other people who are close to each other did eventually ask me for my number because I sent one of them a congratulations on his work.

I feel like society evolved faster than humans. If people are fine living that way more power to them but its just not for me anymore.

 

[Catch-22]

I can't remember not wanting to die even from my first memories I thought existence was not great. But for a brief moment then I thought I had a chance in life I wanted it to something that helped people. I guess I wanted to do something in The Healing Arts

 

[Justnotme]

FuneralCry "try not to say the same repetitive shit for the 30 thousandth time" Challenge (impossible)

Try not to call the same type of messages shit, try just NOT to read them if you don't like them and not offend others
Challenge (impossible)

It seems like you're having a lot of trouble not reading what you don't like. In addition, you are also insulting

A very "noble" act.

 

[letsgetittogo]

Try not to call the same type of messages shit, try just NOT to read them if you don't like them and not offend others
Challenge (impossible)

It seems like you're having a lot of trouble not reading what you don't like. In addition, you are also insulting

A very "noble" act.

I was probably having a bad day, unironically wasn't cool of me. I could sit here and defend it, but I won't.

I shouldn't have shit on how someone chooses to express themselves, I genuinely wish I hadn't.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Just wanted to be myself, but without fear and anxiety.

 

[whats_the_point]

I wanted to move to a different country, have a few pets, go hiking and to learn how to manage my anxiety and clear up my brain fog. All this seems impossible now.

 

[sserafim]

I never wanted to be anyone or anything. I never wanted to grow up or be an adult anyways. I wanted to be dead before 18, I always thought that I would die young. Sadly, that didn't happen. I'm planning to ctb before 25 though. I feel like it's my fate/destiny to die young.

 

[BlessedBeTheFlame]

Someone normal. Someone people could accept. No one reasonable could ever accept disgusting subhuman parasites like me.

 

[RemainingDubious]

In the primary school i attended each class would do a presentation to the rest of the school for assembly. The first one i was involved in was about what we wanted to be when we grew up. Everyone wanted to be teachers, doctors, police officers, fire fighters or follow in their parents footsteps. i wanted to be a pirate, the teacher and assistant would attempt to get me to want to pick something that was realistic but i didn't since i'd be lying as i didn't want to be anything else. i remember it felt like everyone laughed at me when it was my time to stand up in front of the entire school and say i wanted to be a pirate.

When i got a little bit older i wanted to be a Jedi knight.

Shortly before becoming a teen i wanted to be dead. Whenever i've attempted to become something more "realistic" it's turned out to have been a complete waste of time.

 

[sserafim]

In the primary school i attended each class would do a presentation to the rest of the school for assembly. The first one i was involved in was about what we wanted to be when we grew up. Everyone wanted to be teachers, doctors, police officers, fire fighters or follow in their parents footsteps. i wanted to be a pirate, the teacher and assistant would attempt to get me to want to pick something that was realistic but i didn't since i'd be lying as i didn't want to be anything else. i remember it felt like everyone laughed at me when it was my time to stand up in front of the entire school and say i wanted to be a pirate.

When i got a little bit older i wanted to be a Jedi knight.

Shortly before becoming a teen i wanted to be dead. Whenever i've attempted to become something more "realistic" it's turned out to have been a complete waste of time.

I remember that when I was young, people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up as well. Honestly, I didn't want to be anything. I hate this expectation that we have to "be something". I feel kind of bad for those other kids who were deluded and brainwashed into looking forward to growing up. Adulthood is basically a lie that's fed to people, it's such a scam, slaving away your whole life just to make ends meet. I can't believe that everyone fell for the lie instead of realizing the cruel, harsh reality.

 

[ctbcat]

wanted to be famous, i guess. ever since i was a kid. but i was always too scared to try at anything, even back then, so i guess you could argue i've always been in a 'given up' state. it's funny, how my spirit craves attention so much. maybe it's just human. i can't read into it, anyway. i'm nothing, so some faraway dream doesn't matter. i'm useless or underdeveloped in anything the capitalist system wants me to churn out

 

[Onomatopoeia]

All I ever wanted to be is my husband's wife, the mother of our kids, and a great teacher. The USA is an evil country that won't allow this. My husband and I had the sole goal of uplifting and healing as many of our students as possible. Then they killed my husband and our baby. I hate this world.

 

[RemainingDubious]

I remember that when I was young, people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up as well. Honestly, I didn't want to be anything. I hate this expectation that we have to "be something". I feel kind of bad for those other kids who were deluded and brainwashed into looking forward to growing up. Adulthood is basically a lie that's fed to people, it's such a scam, slaving away your whole life just to make ends meet. I can't believe that everyone fell for the lie of the cruel, harsh reality.

It seems the education system is only there to indoctrinate the next generation to replace a previous generation.

Nothing ever really gets better i don't know anyone who is genuinely happy with their life. i don't know anyone who is genuinely content either.

Most people seem to sell out and waste their finite time doing stuff they don't want to do for people or companies that genuinely couldn't care less about them.

it's sad so many people invested the same old lies.

 

[Account4521]

I wanted to drive around the world with a bike.

 

[SoulofSteel]

I wanted to graduate, get a good job and start a family with the person I thought would be my wife.

 

[divinemistress36]

An emotionally stable person

 

[Neko__guy14]

Man, before I kinda threw in the towel, I was all about wanting a chill family, being this outgoing and interesting person, you know, smart and well-rounded. Also, totally pictured myself in a cute relationship and being this awesome artist. Oh, and I had these grand plans for a cool social media presence. Life happened, stuff changed, but I'm still figuring it out, you know?

 

[underscore_nine]

I'm everything I ever wanted to be, but I'm still alone unfortunately

 

[Joker2003]

I just wanted a normal life, but I'm too useless to even achieve normal.

I wanted to go to college, get a career I can tolerate, have a significant other, and maybe have children of my own one day.

Mental and physical issues have ruined this dream, and now I just want to fade away...

 

[Undertow Mermaid]

I was in 4th grade and I got really into archeology. I remember telling my teacher Mrs. Brown that I wanted to travel the world and be an archeologist. She told me "You can't be, you're not capable of being that smart."

You were right Mrs. Brown. I'm in my 30s, no job, no skills, and just rotting. She saw what I was a mile away.

 

[WeirdGirlAnon]

I've never really wanted to be anyone. I've always wanted to be on the outside looking in, just watching life instead of having to be part of it. I think the world and the people and just the concept of life is so so interesting and so amazing and I've tried so hard to connect with it/want to connect with it and I've just never really been able to.</3

 

[roku6]

I always wanted to resemble a normal person. Finding joy in small things, enjoying a beer with my friends or strangers, find significant other, get curious about things around me and not get burnout in my job.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I wanted to be an animator or a cartoons/comics creator of some sort. I also wanted to be in a relationship. Neither are ever coming true.

 

[synchroscope]

Oof. I can't really remember what I wanted to be anymore. Been actively suicidal since I started school and realized that people outside of my home were just as bad- if not worse- than the people in it. I remember thinking about the future as an escape- I started getting really into college planning around age 10. I just wanted out.

The suicidal ideation started getting really bad a couple of years ago now that I've really accepted that there's nowhere else to escape to. I used to be able to think oh, well things will improve once I finish college. Things will improve once I move out. Things will improve once I find a good job. Wherever you go, there you are.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

when I was a child I wanted to be a painter. Soon realised that wouldn't allow me to have a stable life and I couldn't see myself having to be so social in order to be noticed so I then changed to wanting to make art for games.

Soon came the biggest art block of my life in conjunction with the death of my mother and severe mental problems so I stopped painting and instead learned to code.

My life dream changed to be me being happy, with a loving boyfriend, pets and a nice house. I achieved all that almost, I'm renting but the rest is done, except for being happy. I even recovered quite a bit from my art block and produced pieces I like but nothing in life seems to make me happy for the long term.

Now I have no dream and feel lost.

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

I don't really know, I've just kinda meandered through life straddling the poverty line not able to leave and find an environment safe enough to actually explore that question. I don't think there ever was anything, really; I'm trapped in a decaying, crime-ridden, violent shithole with nowhere to go, and I've hated being alive for as long as I can remember, since before I was 10 I've wanted to be dead.
If I were to try and ascribe some sort of metaphysical meaning to that I'd say I was just a mistake, a miscarriage that took a couple decades longer to go than it should've. I have always envied my brother, who was miscarried before I was conceived. Why couldn't it have happened the other way around? I wonder what he could've been sometimes, if he would've liked living instead, and I could always come up with more potential for a non-existent person than I could for myself.

I make music, I enjoy it and I like to think I'm pretty good at it, but I never really wanted to be known for it or anything. I turned down an offer from a relative that I could've used to try and make a career out of it when I was 15 because I didn't want to deal with all that shit, I just wanted to make my shitty little songs in peace and I think that's maybe it.

I never really had a chance in life to begin with, and I know that now; but what I wanted to be while alive was "a person that makes music", and I achieved that. I don't really care about or want anything peripheral to that. I don't care that barely anyone listens to it, it's enough for me just to be able to make it and put it out there and have the peace of mind that it'll exist for longer than I will.

Other than that, the only other longer lasting and more consistent desire I've had is to not exist. My life just wasn't meant to be I think.

 

[terra.nuvo]

I wanted so many things for myself. I wanted to be more out-going and better with people. I had hoped i'd graduate college and join the peacecorp or something like that but I soon realized depression makes finishing school a lot harder so those dreams kind of went out the window. I think most of all though I wanted a family and a husband who loved and appreciated me, but alas dreams don't always come true.

 

[SillyGirl>_<]

I never had a clue job wise but ive always wanted to be a mom. (adopt)

 

[marysfictionalworld]

wanted to be a writer of some kind. wonder if i still could but we'll see, i guess. getting words onto a page is like pulling teeth right now