I wanted to be a meteorologist. After I got my first job and started going to college, I wasn't sure what field I wanted to go into, but I've always been obsessed with the weather. I loved learning about the science behind it, and how the jet streams in our atmosphere and the moisture in the air all contributed to the formation of storms. Learning about this stuff was just a hobby for the most part, and I spent a ridiculous amount of time doing research on it in my spare time, and watching documentaries.
Unfortunately, I never managed to get into a university where I could get that kind of professional training. I couldn't afford it and couldn't get scholarships, so I was content for my interest in the weather to remain a hobby. Unfortunately, years of being a wage slave at jobs I hated, and putting my life on hold to help my friends and family wore me out until the idea of going back to college again felt impossible.
On top of all that, the weather now depresses me the same as everything else. Considering the fact that thunderstorms were my main interest, and the stress that goes into accurately predicting these things so people don't get killed when they become severe or start to rotate, it stopped being something I wanted to do. There are professionals in the field who I have a ton of respect for, who have been doing this for several years, or even decades, but despite their best attempts to forecast, and warn people, sometimes the weather gets so bad that people die on their watch, even after giving it everything they have. Some of these professionals have even been injured or killed by these things themselves. The most notable example I can think of was a 2.6 mile wide tornado near El Reno, Oklahoma in 2013.
I don't know if there are any currently active members of Sasu who lived through the April 27, 2011 super out break or not, or any of the other monstrous tornado outbreaks that happened before or after that, but there were many amazing meteorologists who worked 12-16 hours that day, just trying to keep as many people safe as possible, but yet, the number of tornado deaths just kept going up, and the tornado count itself broke historical records. Those people who forecast these things had to watch as the body counts climbed in their states, despite their best efforts. If I wasn't already suicidal, living through something like that as a professional (or as an ordinary person trying to hide from an EF4+ tornado in a closet) would've changed that.
Now I don't really give a damn about the weather, at least not any more than the average person whose only interested in their local weather for the week. It's just another horrific part of a world I've wanted to escape from for so long, and I feel like losing my fascination for this was one of the last dominoes to fall for me.
I wanted to do something with chess; playing and coaching/teaching. But I've been stagnating harder the worse my depression gets. I haven't had motivation to study or play any serious games for over a year.
That would've been awesome if you could've done that! Is there any chance you could start a Chess-related youtube channel? I've found quite a few small channels lately, where people are trying to get their ratings up to 2000. I understand depression ruins just about everything, so it's rough. Chess is one of the few things I still enjoy too, but now it's restricted to playing daily games on Chess.com on my phone lol. I make a move every 1-2 days after the first few opening moves and that's it.
