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escape_from_hell

Student
Feb 22, 2024
122
It's not me lol. I look more like her. Haha what attention trap? I didn't know. I just posted here bc I don't have anywhere else to 😅
I can believe it given you are here with the rest of us and post a lot. I am not accusing you of seeking attention.
If you sincerely did not expect or hope for a bit of attention with this post, then indeed you should be careful and be slow about this bucket list item. Maybe okcupid and chatting with a lot of guys that look like your crush for a week or so beforehand.

That said, there are probably several guys here whose dream way to go would be skydiving sans parachute making love to you on the ride down :))
 
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TopChicken

TopChicken

Time to catch the bus
Mar 4, 2024
40
So it looks like, from what you said, dating apps are out and irl seems like it may be out as well. Correct if me if im wrong on that last part. If thats the case, your best bet would seem to be to look here, or on reddit. If here, it may help to post your state, and see who lives nearby. Although im sure a lot of people may avoid volunteering in order to not be labeled a creep.

You could also try a website like fetlife. Its kind of a dating app/forum for people in the kink community. The reason i recommend this, is because people in the kink/bdsm community are usually more empathetic, place a higher value on consent, and try to keep eachother safe. Plus there is an emphasis on aftercare. Although it does attract predators as well, you can usually ask around about a person to see of anyone reported them of wrongdoing, and there are ways to weed out the bad actors by getting to know them. Although, as with everything, theres no way to 100% certain. Also, if irl isnt out of the question there are meetups you could attend as well. If you want help trying to find one, just lmk.

Either way, please be safe. Dont expect your first time to be great. Especially as a girl, the first time can be painful so you may need to do it more than once if youre comfortable. If you want more information, or just somebody to talk to, feel free to ask me here or message me. I wish you the best of luck and hope you stay safe. Also, try to have fun, because the more relaxed you are the better it will be.

Edit:spelling
 
robotomy

robotomy

Member
Aug 6, 2020
26
From being a bit terminally online, I've noticed that guys might not only seek out some of your traits, but also even fetishize them. In your case, it mainly includes being Asian and Autistic. Asian women tend to be viewed as more docile and submissive, partly because of cultural differences between Asian countries and more culturally diverse places like the US. But also because of the younger-looking, softer facial features ("neoteny" is the word for it, I think). There's discussions out there regarding benign racial preferences vs fetishization, and it seems that out of women of color, Asians are the ones most fetishized.

As for the autism thing, my guess (because I'm not an expert on any of this) would be another cultural thing about male vs female roles, objectification, maybe even infantilization, in a complicated soup that I cant fully make sense of right now. But I dont think this is as prevalent as the asian fetishization phenomena.

So as some of us have said here - if you want to avoid nasty, and even potentially dangerous interactions...you should be careful, no matter where you seek. But what I've mentioned here adds another layer of complexity. You have some traits that might be subject to more objectification than usual, and that might translate to a poorer experience (such as one-sided sex where only the guy is enjoying it). But I guess a disclaimer would be that I tend to overthink things a bit...
 
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sserafim

sserafim

머리 아프다
Sep 13, 2023
6,952
From being a bit terminally online, I've noticed that guys might not only seek out some of your traits, but also even fetishize them. In your case, it mainly includes being Asian and Autistic. Asian women tend to be viewed as more docile and submissive, partly because of cultural differences between Asian countries and more culturally diverse places like the US. But also because of the younger-looking, softer facial features ("neoteny" is the word for it, I think). There's discussions out there regarding benign racial preferences vs fetishization, and it seems that out of women of color, Asians are the ones most fetishized.

As for the autism thing, my guess (because I'm not an expert on any of this) would be another cultural thing about male vs female roles, objectification, maybe even infantilization, in a complicated soup that I cant fully make sense of right now. But I dont think this is as prevalent as the asian fetishization phenomena.

So as some of us have said here - if you want to avoid nasty, and even potentially dangerous interactions...you should be careful, no matter where you seek. But what I've mentioned here add another layer of complexity. You have some traits that might be subject to more objectification than usual, and that might translate to a poorer experience (such as one-sided sex where only the guy is enjoying it). But I guess a disclaimer would be that I tend to overthink things...
I heard that autism was a manifestation of the extreme male brain. I'm not sure how true this theory is though. Apparently it's even been debunked. Autism makes me clueless in social interactions though, like how I didn't realize that my crush was trying to hook up with me until after the fact
 
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Guy_Smiley

Guy_Smiley

Just another lost soul
Jan 4, 2024
353
Wow, never in my life did I think I would live to see a young attractive woman asking where she can find a guy to do it with :))

Seriously though, if you just want to have sex and aren't interested in a relationship, and you're okay with not having a personal connection with the guy (in the way you might have with someone you already know or had gotten to know on a personal level), then I think an escort might be your best bet. With a simple web search you'll find many escort agencies that have straight male escorts. Here are just a couple from the first page of search results.
Link
Link

There are several reasons why I think an escort is your best bet. First, it's safer. I'm pretty sure the escorts all have to go through a vetting process to be listed with the agencies. This process would almost certainly include a background check. Anyone with a criminal record, especially any violent or sexual crimes, would be denied. Secondly, unlike a guy you meet online or IRL, it's their job (literally) to make you happy. This means they won't pressure you to do anything you're not comfortable with, won't have any expectations of you, and will focus on your sexual pleasure rather than just their own. This greatly increases the chances that it's an enjoyable, positive experience for you. Lastly, you can pick the escort based on your specific preferences (e.g. appearance / body type, age, ethnicity, etc).

One thing to note in case you're concerned is that hiring an escort is perfectly legal because, technically, they're not being hired for the purpose of sex (as is the case with prostitutes/gigolos). Technically, they're being hired for the purpose of providing "companionship". Of course, the majority of the time, a person hiring an escort is doing it mainly for sex. Saying the escorts are for hire for companionship and that any sexual activity that occurs is simply incidental is just how the agencies get around laws prohibiting prostitution. So, escorts assume there's a very good chance that the client is going to want more than just companionship, and if the escort wants to have good ratings and repeat business, they're very likely going to be okay with that. If the client happens to be a young attractive woman, I'm guessing they'll be happy to oblige :))

Anyway, whether you get an escort or choose to go a different route, I hope it turns out to be a positive experience for you.

TL/DR: An escort might be your best bet.
 
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robotomy

robotomy

Member
Aug 6, 2020
26
I heard that autism was a manifestation of the extreme male brain. I'm not sure how true this theory is though. Apparently it's even been debunked. Autism makes me clueless in social interactions though, like how I didn't realize that my crush was trying to hook up with me until after the fact
That must be tough, because I'm sure it's already hard for non-ASD people to detect nuanced social cues like that. Like if a guy was trying to tell if a girl was interested in him, there's cues like laughing at mediocre jokes, maybe hair twirling, etc...but it can be a very fine line sometimes. It's like that to me at least. In my life I've only found out a girl was interested in me if it was really obvious...one example being that I accidentally overheard them explicitly saying it to someone else. Another example isn't wild and probably not that rare, but I wont say publicly for privacy reasons. Anyways, it doesn't help that I'm a tad bit socially withdrawn myself, just not to your level (and not diagnosed with ASD or Aspergers).

I believe guys aren't as complicated as women when it comes to preferences, but sometimes intelligence (at least the kind that people/society most easily recognize) of the girl is a factor after initial attraction (and/or hooking up based on that attraction). Girls sometimes find intelligence attractive, but if she was as smart or smarter than a guy, some guys might feel "threatened" or insecure with that. Earlier I found someone else mentioning something along those lines of men liking women that are 'less' in one way or another (https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...this-society-is-so-unfair.156543/post-2412122), but I don't think this is a universal preference. Anyways, that might have a part to play in the autism fetishization thing I mentioned before.
 
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SexyIncél

SexyIncél

🍭my lollipop brings the feminists to my candyshop
Aug 16, 2022
1,399
Lol wdym? How can I find guys of high quality?
You can go where they hang out, including online. You like philosophy & politics? Find someone you align with; vet them for yellow & red flags. Slip into their DMs. (Instagram is effectively the biggest dating app.) If it doesn't work out with him: lather, rinse, repeat

(If you want to lock him down in a relationship, recall the advice I mentioned for female Game)

You could also attract some creeps who fetishize virginity.
Pretty much most guys. :P It's like the creepiness of girls when you become high-profile & they want you because they see other women wanting you. Despite their existing boyfriends. 'tis what it is. Having people attracted to you for odd reasons isn't the worst problem in the world

(Unless you're a famous author rescued by your #1 fan. Then it's the worst problem in the world.)

[edit: Actually I just realized — I personally knew an author who many suspect was killed by a woman who preyed upon him! I knew her, and they may be right]

Anyway, virginity's an asset, which the OP could leverage sanely, if she so wishes. The right kinda guy should know how to make it a good experience. It's counterintuitive for gals, because they don't value virginity in guys. They prefer us experienced. But we're the other way

You say you are above average. There are probably SaSu members tugging one out just fantasizing about it already 😂.
Men indeed tend to be touchy-feely creatures, with an urge for erotic touch from a variety of gals. (In contrast, gals tend to fixate on higher-quality guys)
 
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R

rozeske

Maybe I am the problem
Dec 2, 2023
2,411
I don't know why most aren't suggesting it but imo for your first time it would be preferable to look for someone you know irl that you feel comfortable with than online people you barely know, both for safety purpose and your personal comfort and enjoyment.
 
vak

vak

🙃💕
Feb 13, 2024
194
Uh, sorry if this seems rude to say but aren't you asexual? I'll admit I don't really get the asexual community sometimes.
Asexuality has little to do with sex FYI, it's about attraction to neither gender. Sex is behavior, sexuality is attraction. Many asexuals are curious about sex, enjoy how it feels, do it to procreate, or they do it to make their romantic/platonic partner happy.

1710930924990
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
18,772
Asexuality has little to do with sex FYI, it's about attraction to neither gender. Sex is behavior, sexuality is attraction.
So does that just leave attraction to non-binary people? Or…nonhumans? Sorry, but this still doesn't really make much sense to me. 😓
 
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vak

vak

🙃💕
Feb 13, 2024
194
So does that just leave attraction to non-binary people? Or…nonhumans? Sorry, but this still doesn't really make much sense to me. 😓
No need to go into the gender identities, it's sexual attraction to nobody (or very little sexual attraction, because it's a spectrum), simple as that.

There are different ways how to be attracted to people besides the sexual (aesthetically, emotionally, platonically, intellectually, sensually ...), and intimacy in platonic relationships can also include sex, more likely initiated by the allosexual party. Most asexuals are either sex-favorable or sex-indifferent (I think about a third are sex-repulsed), so it's something that can happen if both parties are willing. But the asexual won't see their partner as "sexy" or "hot", I don't even know what these words mean really. They will have no drive or desire to have sex with them, but they might like them enough to do it to make them happy, or they might want to use it to get closer to each other. Or they might just want to try it out of curiosity like serrafim - so her possibly identifying as asexual and seeking sex as an experience is not at all contradictory.

There are also QPRs as an alternative for romantic relationships which asexuals sometimes enter, it is a committed relationship with different approach to romance and sex (unique to the couple). It could be an arrangement that the sex is only used for procreating for example.

In case you are interested, check out AVEN, it's our own little community outside LGBTQ+. Here's a nice table for you in regards of different attitudes toward sex:
1710932302649
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
18,772
In case you are interested, check out AVEN, it's our own little community outside LGBTQ+. Here's a nice table for you in regards of different attitudes toward sex:
View attachment 132788
The table does help quite a bit, thanks, though the sex-positive/sex-favorable cell just seems like a typical non-asexual person to me. At least the pieces are kind of connecting in my head a little more.
 
vak

vak

🙃💕
Feb 13, 2024
194
though the sex-positive/sex-favorable cell just seems like a typical non-asexual person to me.
It might not be clear from the description, but the table is not meant to be unique for asexuals, it shows the spectrum of general attitudes towards sex, but it applies to asexuals as well. Not every non-asexual (allosexual) person is sex positive or sex favorable, these different attitudes are valid for all sexual orientations. That's why it's important to distinguish between sex and sexual attraction, because the sex itself isn't that useful for determining (a)sexuality, as the table hints at.

Anyway, I don't want to derail serrafim's thread, I just wanted to make it clear that her stance is valid (if asexuality would be something she identifies with, that's her choice), and I understand her completely. If you or anybody else would have any questions about aromanticism or asexuality, my DMs are open 🙂 💚🤍🖤🩶🤍💜
 
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PetrichorBirth

PetrichorBirth

Member
Mar 5, 2024
64
Ask around where people are from on this site. Things get significantly easier once you know that you live close to eachother. Then start talking, making up a plan to hang out, with the knowledge that you're interested in doing the deed. The vibes can significantly differ depending on the person, so it's important to not rush, or it will feel not right. It's an extremely emotionally bonding experience. No one would want to feel used in that vulnerable state.
 
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Throwawayacc3

Throwawayacc3

Freedom
Mar 4, 2024
878
Don't do that. I lost my virginity at 19 mainly due to peer pressure and constantly bullying (friends is probably not the word to use to describe the people I was with). I'm male and it felt aweful afterwards. Even though she wanted to do it I felt like it was nothing. I'd only been speaking to her two days before it happened. Then first relationship at 29/30. It's different. Problem is she left after 4 years given financial or depression or both so it's kind of a moot point. I tried once with someone at 28 (but for a relationship) but they said I wasn't good enough (money wise ironically).

I'm a guy but the feeling is absolute emptiness. When she left my brain basically overclocked and about 2 weeks later I went straight to dating apps - downloaded all of them and said my situation and just want to talk to someone (I think with the autism side I liked my systems and how things worked but it had been obliterated). Not in an emotive aspect but more so in a way where you want your schedule and little things you did to go back to normal. I'd have a system for her clothes (dresses and long clothes on hangers) while shirts, skorts and golf stuff folded in certain cupboards which she appreciated.

Basically gone off the whole thing now. Not going to get into a relationship at all going forward. It's not worth the pain and complete change in situation and just overloads the brain. Even swiping left on my phone still shows all of the photos in the memory bank. Just can't look at it.

Anyways - you'll feel even worse inside. Hook up stuff is not what (I perceive) that people crave. Plus with autism hook up shit is way too chaotic, random, impulsive, etc.
 
LevUwU

LevUwU

I hate my life and the government
Mar 16, 2024
152
Men when they realize women also get horny (Impossible) ((They are going to give some of the worst suggestions known to humanity)
 
Throwawayacc3

Throwawayacc3

Freedom
Mar 4, 2024
878
Men when they realize women also get horny (Impossible) ((They are going to give some of the worst suggestions known to humanity)
I don't think having a label like that is correct. I don't like it when women or men get too close to me or try and touch me. A handshake ok but that's it. I need to know that individual to a point that they "seem" like they aren't a threat but you can never tell with neurotypical people.

Even when I played golf and I saw a lot of guys saying "look at this female golfer" and all that. Im not into the whole defend women over anything (I apply that logic to men as well) but I just didn't get it. The only reason you look at it is because she's a woman, so the golfing stuff is basically moot?

My experience be careful of touchy feely people you don't know. The ones that hug a lot and all that - always seem to be the personality types that want to control or get something from you. Happened to me in Barcelona but these three men were clearly pickpockets. Had to leave that situation fast.
 
4.I.2.Must.Die

4.I.2.Must.Die

Up with life I cannot put 🙅 ✋ Where's the exit 🔚
Nov 8, 2023
1,796
It's not me lol. I look more like her. Haha what attention trap? I didn't know. I just posted here bc I don't have anywhere else to 😅
Just be aware that there are guys on here with porn and sex addictions and when you do that and talk about wanting sex you're just waving a red flag to a bull. Of you do look like that then literally any adult dating app and you'll score extremely fast. I'd probably say don't choose someone on here even though friendships on here do seem to work.
 
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4.I.2.Must.Die

4.I.2.Must.Die

Up with life I cannot put 🙅 ✋ Where's the exit 🔚
Nov 8, 2023
1,796
So I'm curious @sserafim has your sasu personals ad gotten you loads of guys PMs for a little bow chi chi wow wow 👄💋💗💓??
 
S

saunabliss

Member
Jan 14, 2024
31
If you're into music, you'll find plenty of guys ready to bang it out in clubs and festivals. Go see an artist you really like and guaranteed someone will hit on you. That's the way I would do it.
 
Adûnâi

Adûnâi

Little Russian in-cel
Apr 25, 2020
826
As I'm terminally online, AND the only one who can say it, so I'll suggest - Chaster for long-range keyholding. You can even get paid and give guys funny tasks like wear stockings I dunno. Again, I'm not implying it to be that fulfilling or even adjacent to IRL sex, but again, I'm the change I want to see in the world, so apologies.
 
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anotherlastchance

anotherlastchance

Your never not you
Feb 3, 2024
94
I don't know what to say or where you should find someone. but make sure that the person you choose isn't in it for its own pleasure, he/him should be challenged to make you feel good. but yeah that's something you never know till the deed is done. when I was still working as a scaffolder I regularly went to the redlight district. but I always wanted me to make sure that the woman in question felt good. one time I went down on her and in the end she was so surprised that I knew what I was doing. she said OMG your so gentle and soft most young guys are so aggressive but you not you pussy licking so good… basically what she said is that younger men might be to confident and don't know what they're doing or don't care I see sex as an art to make the other person feel good either GF or prostitute doesn't matter
Yeah being a toy boy for woman twice my age for five years learns you a lot sexually.
Just find a nice sweet guy and try to tell him what feels good and what not try giving him instructions don't be to scared to say what feels good if he doesn't know what he is doing he can't find out on his own so help him and besides that every woman is kinda different so explanation is kinda necessary
 
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L

LifeIsCrazyNemb

Arcanist
Jan 21, 2024
403
If you have autism and are afraid to go to a bar/night club and even afraid of using Tinder maybe you should try to match with a lookalike mind, try this app:

Otherwise should try to hire a male scort (i think you can easly "order" online) and be very clear and detailed about you condition and expectation.
 
sserafim

sserafim

머리 아프다
Sep 13, 2023
6,952
I'd prefer a friend for that but I don't know any guys irl lol. My crush lives halfway around the world…
*oops quarter way around the world. He lives in Europe lol
 
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bipolar22

bipolar22

Member
Aug 31, 2022
62
Been a virgin till mid 20s. I learned having meaningless sex is useless to me just like jerking it alone to pornhub. They only fantastic thing about it is doing it with someone you love as it is such a bounding experience with them. You will be very underwhelmed if you just do it for the sake of doing it IMO
 
C

Camper

Member
Sep 27, 2022
48
Don't do that. I lost my virginity to a POS who I didn't vet very well. I'm not ashamed of no longer being pure, but I definitely have been negatively affected by that experience.

Also, all of the people ITT suggesting you should meet a guy through here, that one other forum, or any forum for that matter, is doing you a great disservice. Men on web forums (it really doesn't matter which one) tend to be unhinged. And unhinged men never respect women's boundaries.

Wait until you meet someone special in real life. And use a dildo in the meantime.
Anything from the Vixskin line is good.
 
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StillBreathing

StillBreathing

Student
Dec 4, 2022
133
If you just want to "do it" with no emotional attachments I would suggest a prostitute, male, female, whatever you are into. Sex workers are used to dealing with all kinds of people - this is from my own experience. Most are kind and gentle people. If you want to back out - you can. There are no commitments except you have to pay for their time, it is their job after all. I have heard of sex workers who have clients coming in just to get a hug or talk.

You should not get emotionally attached right now with someone expecting a relationship. especially if you are struggling mentally. Focus on your own needs. That is what I feel would be best for all parties.
 
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