When was the last time you smiled or had some hope

[Throwawayacc3]

For me it was this:



Miss the sanctuary.

 

[anhed0nia]

I must admit, this made me smile too! My own answers are boring, just hopeful job prospects that fell through anyway. May we all receive more happiness of the puffed up cockatoo variety.

 

[SnackNinja]

Probably about 15 years ago

 

[FuneralCry]

Never, the whole idea of happiness and hope make no sense to me when the true problem lies in existence itself. Existence truly is such an harmful and meaningless imposition and more than anything I wish I never existed at all, under no circumstances would I ever wish to have the ability to suffer in this disgusting and evil world.

To exist means to suffer so unnecessarily all while risking experiencing way worse suffering at any moment, and in my case I don't want to suffer, instead I only wish for the peace of non-existence, the only comfort lies in ceasing to exist. I'd always see it as better that this existence permanently disappears into nothingness, I've never had any interest in the futile and torturous burden of existing as a human.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I must admit, this made me smile too! My own answers are boring, just hopeful job prospects that fell through anyway. May we all receive more happiness of the puffed up cockatoo variety.

You know how odd they are. They basically act like a 5/6 year toddler for 70/80 years or more. However - should they have a bad experience : say their owner dies or another bird they preeen passes away or their diet becomes terrible they get horribly depressed and start self plucking, eating their own feet (self mutilation), refuse to eat. It's pretty wild. I'm depressed in that video I took but she did a dance (she doesn't do that for anyone at the sanctuary but I was there often). I still think about her and Romeo (he's a smaller cockatoo) while rotting in bed.

Probably about 15 years ago

What was the event?

 

[thot88]

Today when I read some really good trolling online

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Never, the whole idea of happiness and hope make no sense to me when the true problem lies in existence itself. Existence truly is such an harmful and meaningless imposition and more than anything I wish I never existed at all, under no circumstances would I ever wish to have the ability to suffer in this disgusting and evil world.

To exist means to suffer so unnecessarily all while risking experiencing way worse suffering at any moment, and in my case I don't want to suffer, instead I only wish for the peace of non-existence, the only comfort lies in ceasing to exist. I'd always see it as better that this existence permanently disappears into nothingness, I've never had any interest in the futile and torturous burden of existing as a human.

I should have rephrases hope to "contentness" . There were some "hope" videos on YouTube because I was looking at some doomed stuff and I think it got pushed to the front on my mind when typing.

With your second paragraph I don't know if I'm there at that point yet but who knows. Days seem to be getting longer and sleep is getting worse.

Today when I read some really good trolling online

May I hear how it went down?

 

[theboy]

I still have hope, but it's far away. I smile, but it's only for a moment, because then I go back to negative thoughts.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I still have hope, but it's far away. I smile, but it's only for a moment, because then I go back to negative thoughts.

I should have rephrased it to contentness as I stated above. Hope is the wrong word. Hope is just gambling but with terrible terrible odds.

In the video at that moment I was depressed but content.

 

[theboy]

I should have rephrased it to contentness as I stated above. Hope is the wrong word. Hope is just gambling but with terrible terrible odds.

In the video at that moment I was depressed but content.

depressed but happy?

 

[Throwawayacc3]

depressed but happy?

Let me explain this: at that time my previous partner left and then decided to show up at the flat I rented so it was quite conflicting. Had depression for years but it was really terrible starting last year. It's always there now.
With Carmela (the cockatoo) it feels like that aviary is a space of "freedom" and she doesn't care how I look, dress, speak, anything. So in that moment I am content but it's only a fraction of the day. The depression is too overwhelming everywhere else.

 

[F@#$]

Probably when I was a kid,unless you count trippin on shrooms or some good paper. That's been a few years ago.

 

[theboy]

Let me explain this: at that time my previous partner left and then decided to show up at the flat I rented so it was quite conflicting. Had depression for years but it was really terrible starting last year. It's always there now.
With Carmela (the cockatoo) it feels like that aviary is a space of "freedom" and she doesn't care how I look, dress, speak, anything. So in that moment I am content but it's only a fraction of the day. The depression is too overwhelming everywhere else.

I understand. So what's the plan with her now?

 

[Final_Choice]

I smile a lot when I'm around people, though I never stop thinking about dying at any moment.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Probably when I was a kid,unless you count trippin on shrooms or some good paper. That's been a few years ago.

I don't know why but when you said "tripping on shrooms" I immediately thought of the amber heard trial "my dog stepped on a "
I don't know how I came to that conclusion or comparison.

 

[sserafim]

For me it was this:

View attachment 132833

Miss the sanctuary.

Is that real? It looks fake to me (especially its eye). I can't believe that animals actually look like that. Nature and evolution are so fascinating, it's cool that the bird's feathers look like a crown on its head

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I understand. So what's the plan with her now?

Oh no she stayed until the lease ended and then left after that. Said I was family and all these other words and nothing else. It's done. 4 years and a photo graphic memory. It's not hell. It's purgatory every single day. Plus having the sanctuary visits ripped from my routine because of stupid paper money. Life is great isn't it?

 

[KafkaF]

These are really three different questions in one, imo.

The last time I smiled at all was, idk, like 30 minutes ago maybe? Just because I found something darkly funny. I smile quite a lot still, I'd say. Though most of them are smiles which are about finding something funny or polite smiles or similar. Not smiles of genuine happiness.

When was the last smile I had of genuine happiness? I'm not entirely sure. But I'd bet it was probably somewhere in September of 2023 talking to my previous girlfriend. She would make me smile in happiness a lot.

And then when was the last time I had hope... I guess in October right after she broke up with me and everyone around me told me I could get her back. But that hope was short-lived.

Haven't had any real hope since then.

 

[Silent Raindrops]

The last time I smiled?? Almost 15 years ago... You'll be lucky if you can get me to just grin nowadays.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Is that real? It looks fake to me (especially its eye). Nature and evolution are so fascinating, it's cool that the bird's feathers look like that (a crown on its head)

Yes Carmela is real. She's an Umbrella Cockatoo. When they get excited they raise their head feathers exactly like a crown. You can see Romeo below - he's a bare eyed cockatoo. A lot smaller.

You can tell they came from dinosaurs. They have zygodactyl feet. Two toes forward and one back. They look like little velociraptor feet.

 

[theboy]

Oh no she stayed until the lease ended and then left after that. Said I was family and all these other words and nothing else. It's done. 4 years and a photo graphic memory. It's not hell. It's purgatory every single day. Plus having the sanctuary visits ripped from my routine because of stupid paper money. Life is great isn't it?

oh, too bad. i hope you can recover financially and lovingly, if that's the case. pm anything.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Is that real? It looks fake to me (especially its eye). I can't believe that animals actually look like that. Nature and evolution are so fascinating, it's cool that the bird's feathers look like a crown on its head

A funny thing that with the macaws - they are way heavier and bigger claws. Because I was in there for a while my arms looked like self harm stuff because of the scratch marks and sometimes blood. Lol how ironic.

oh, too bad. i hope you can recover financially and lovingly, if that's the case. pm anything.

Financial is done - business dead. Applied for over 1000 jobs there and here in the UK. Nothing. Just waiting on the autism stuff to be done and will see. No future I'm afraid.
Get love from my dog and I'm ok with that.

Is that real? It looks fake to me (especially its eye). I can't believe that animals actually look like that. Nature and evolution are so fascinating, it's cool that the bird's feathers look like a crown on its head

The macaws have very very sharp claws.

I think I liked birds so much because they can just fly around and be free and do what they need to do unless humans where we get stuck and can't do anything.

These are really three different questions in one, imo.

The last time I smiled at all was, idk, like 30 minutes ago maybe? Just because I found something darkly funny. I smile quite a lot still, I'd say. Though most of them are smiles which are about finding something funny or polite smiles or similar. Not smiles of genuine happiness.

When was the last smile I had of genuine happiness? I'm not entirely sure. But I'd bet it was probably somewhere in September of 2023 talking to my previous girlfriend. She would make me smile in happiness a lot.

And then when was the last time I had hope... I guess in October right after she broke up with me and everyone around me told me I could get her back. But that hope was short-lived.

Haven't had any real hope since then.

Similar situation. I've realised I say lol or lmao a lot when it comes to these subjects. I think it's just a reflex now. It's not like hearing a joke and laughing. But that's the point isn't it? Comedy is really tragedy.

 

[robotomy]

PeachJars experiences joy at Alveus

LSF Mirror

arazu.io

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I smile a lot but it's only fake smiles to prevent my parents from annoying me with bullshit toxic positivity sayings. As for when I smiled genuinely, it probably was back when I was a super young kid and couldn't comprehend anything going on but even that diminished quickly due to getting bullied throughout childhood. As for hope, I never had hope to begin with

 

[Endofit]

I smile a lot when I'm around people, though I never stop thinking about dying at any moment.

I'm the same. I still have that mask on all day eventho I'm half dead

 

[Throwawayacc3]

PeachJars experiences joy at Alveus

LSF Mirror

arazu.io

Ah god - and it's been taken away from. Fuck that clip made me feel so so bad. I fucking hate this shit. I'm just sitting in the car. Waiting for some energy to buy some wild bird food. Been here for 40 minutes so far. Hate this situation and environment. I really despise it.

 

[robotomy]

Ah god - and it's been taken away from. Fuck that clip made me feel so so bad. I fucking hate this shit. I'm just sitting in the car. Waiting for some energy to buy some wild bird food. Been here for 40 minutes so far. Hate this situation and environment. I really despise it.

Sorry, didnt know you would have that reaction. Maybe I missed some context regarding you or this thread? I was just reminded of the clip, and figured it would bring back positive memories you mightve had in that scenario. After all, that's why people take pics and vids in the first place right? But now I'm guessing your reaction is because theres too much of a stark contrast between that and your situation now, and you miss it to the point it hurts rather than a it being a positive reflective moment(?)

 

[Z-A]

I don't even remember. Pretty sad for me ig.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Sorry, didnt know you would have that reaction. Maybe I missed some context regarding you or this thread? I was just reminded of the clip, and figured it would bring back positive memories you mightve had in that scenario. After all, that's why people take pics and vids in the first place right? But now I'm guessing your reaction is because theres too much of a stark contrast between that and your situation now, and you miss it to the point it hurts rather than a it being a positive reflective moment(?)

Photo graphic memory. Too vivid. The environment and reaction. It's ok. I have these flare ups rarely. Get dragged back down to reality a little while later. Bought the bird food and sitting in the car eating subway. Oh and it's raining. I love the UK…………………………………

 

[kilowatt]

I must admit a lot of things make me smile or laugh. However they don't bring me any hope, it's all temporary