When is the last time you felt "alive"

[catch99]

When I did Meth

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

I don't even remember...

 

[Carrotcake]

I'd say about 10 years ago.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Before the failure-inducing apathy set in at around age 17. I remember sometimes feeling alive when doing math/physics or when I was attractive to the wymyn due to seemingly having a future and being confident.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

About 7 months ago from September 24th to 29th I felt something more than alive, I finally felt whole. I felt complete. My normally fractured, conflicting selves managed to merge into one single being for once. Too bad it didn't last...

 

[◄✵火✵〇°Ø•WÅR•Ī°〇✵火✵►]

About 7 months ago from September 24th to 29th I felt something more than alive, I finally felt whole. I felt complete. My normally fractured, conflicting selves managed to merge into one single being for once. Too bad it didn't last...

Twin Flame phenomenon spotted.

I hope yall (or you&your true twin flame if you believe in that) can come together and be one again someday.

 

[Dutchyala]

It depends on what sense:

When I was 14 years old in real life before my father committed suicide.

I sometimes feel alive in dreams and this feeling fades away slowly when I wake up. I'm incapable of feeling the same awaken for some reason.

When I took LSD. It's the only thing I tried that made me feel genuine happiness and alive.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Twin Flame phenomenon spotted.

I hope yall (or you&your true twin flame if you believe in that) can come together and be one again someday.

It only happened because I thought I was about to get with someone who actually meets many of the standards for the girl of my dreams. The fact it didn't pan out only shows me how close I was but I'll never be able to get that again at this rate...

This twin flame thing certainly describes how it felt with this girl though without her around now I'm back to having two warring selves that constantly want to kill each other and themselves...

 

[◄✵火✵〇°Ø•WÅR•Ī°〇✵火✵►]

It only happened because I thought I was about to get with someone who actually meets many of the standards for the girl of my dreams. The fact it didn't pan out only shows me how close I was but I'll never be able to get that again at this rate...

This twin flame thing certainly describes how it felt with this girl though without her around now I'm back to having two warring selves that constantly want to kill each other and themselves...

I see, I understand. *virtual back pats*

 

[Mentalmick]

Probably when I was 11.

 

[Celerity]

For any extended period of time, 2017. 2018 & 2019 were possibly the worst years of my life though with anhedonic depression, so I'm kind of suspicious of feeling "alive" now.

For a day at most, the day before this past Easter.

 

[Bergamot]

When i was happy with my gf

 

[Leshen]

2008? 2009? After my grandfather died it only got worse and worse, I regret not offing myself then.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can't even remember. Most of the time I just feel so numb to everything around me. I guess I have always really gravitated towards death and eternal nothingness. This world just simply wasn't made for me.

 

[lonerclown666]

When i was 14 year old

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

When I overdose is when I most feel alive.

I love every aspect of it ... it excites me.

The canulars, drips, injections, blood tests, everything.

There's a song that I don't actually like, but it has one line that I love. It simply goes thus: "The things that kill me, make me feel alive."

 

[sparkie]

I took a very strong LSD tab by myself and it was the most beautiful but also frightening sometimes day of my life but i remember thinking where have you been all my life i took it at 10am and it lasted until 2am when i was lying in the garden looking at indians around a camp fire in the night sky who i thought were talking about me But a beautiful experience and i felt alive and in tune with the Universe

 

[sparkie]

Did a Trackday ten years ago and i loved it and i didnt think of any problems just in the moment it was amazing but have lost all my money since then so that wont happen again

 

[avoid_slow_death]

2019. Best year of my entire life. Then 2020 hit and it destroyed everything that finally gave me hope to live after decades of severe depression.

 

[loopylou]

The last 6-8 weeks without anti depressants. Prior to that... 2011.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Early 2018. That is when I felt like I had everything figured out and I was on my way to brighter and greener pastures. Little did I know that I had set a ticking time bomb from years prior to then that would explode in my face after I had sorted myself out. It all spiraled into a living hell from then on.

 

[sparkie]

The last 6-8 weeks without anti depressants. Prior to that... 2011.

Keep it up dont go back on them you have got through the worst bit, Went on anti depressants in 2004 Seroxat (lethal first few weeks) went onto Paroxitine in 2009 stopped taking them in 2016 took me at least a year to get off them tapering down etc by myself didnt ask 'doctors' for help most are madder than me and high alot of the time. I believe the most dangerous drugs on the Planet i literally believe they turned me into a zombie for 12 years best years of my life were wasted but cant blame anyone i asked for them

 

[blue_muse]

When I nearly entered into a relationship, but it turned out to be a game to the other person.

 

[loopylou]

Keep it up dont go back on them you have got through the worst bit, Went on anti depressants in 2004 Seroxat (lethal first few weeks) went onto Paroxitine in 2009 stopped taking them in 2016 took me at least a year to get off them tapering down etc by myself didnt ask 'doctors' for help most are madder than me and high alot of the time. I believe the most dangerous drugs on the Planet i literally believe they turned me into a zombie for 12 years best years of my life were wasted but cant blame anyone i asked for them

I had to stop antipsychotic and depressants to do my SN. I have only kept Quetiapine as it's my EM.
I can feel my BpD crawling back into my life. First few weeks off them was great. Two things got said to me which usually would trigger my BPD but it didn't bother me. Thought I was healing. Shit kicked off with my neighbour now I fe I could smack the shit outta someone for just looking at me wrong

 

[BrokenArrow]

When I splurged my life savings and travelled around parts of the world a couple of years ago. Probably the coolest thing I've ever done.

 

[ClownMe]

The last time i remember feeling alive was when i was 12, that was 8 years ago...

 

[Tiredofhurting]

Mainly when a come across a situation where something might go down. That is when I feel alive. Adrenaline has become my drug.

 

[sparkie]

I had to stop antipsychotic and depressants to do my SN. I have only kept Quetiapine as it's my EM.
I can feel my BpD crawling back into my life. First few weeks off them was great. Two things got said to me which usually would trigger my BPD but it didn't bother me. Thought I was healing. Shit kicked off with my neighbour now I fe I could smack the shit outta someone for just looking at me wrong

100% Neighbours are hell especially if they have children then they would like to put anti aircraft guns around the garden maniacs have been to court over a bloody neighbour he thought he was the community hero so he cut down my hedge when i was away for the weekend get away from these stale drone robots i live in the countryside now big difference Its amazing how one inbread aggressive thick cunt can tarnish your whole outlook on the human race you appear sensitive like me get out of there i gave up a secure lovely council property cause i couldnt take the neighbours but understand nothings easy

 

[DarkWolf]

Never. I just exist. My childhood was filled with fear and sadness and it hasn't gotten better.

 

[loopylou]

100% Neighbours are hell especially if they have children then they would like to put anti aircraft guns around the garden maniacs have been to court over a bloody neighbour he thought he was the community hero so he cut down my hedge when i was away for the weekend get away from these stale drone robots i live in the countryside now big difference Its amazing how one inbread aggressive thick cunt can tarnish your whole outlook on the human race you appear sensitive like me get out of there i gave up a secure lovely council property cause i couldnt take the neighbours but understand nothings easy

Gosh we sound like we have been and going through the same thing. This house is lovely and I love gardening and I have made this one so beautiful I don't want to leave :(