aeri
𑁍ˡᵒᵛᵉ ˢᵗᵃʳᵛᵉᵈ ᵖʳⁱⁿᶜᵉˢˢ
- Jan 29, 2020
- 134
i attempted to ctb last may and i could have died unfortunately a friend of mine called the emergencies on me so i survived. i could have died
but this time im not making the same mistake, i am staying alone. no one should know im planning to ctb
however it's too complicated. im scared, and the SI are kicking too rough. it's been since yesterday i've been making some SN to drink but i cant. heart pouding. driven by sadness and despair. i wish rn i was very angry at myself and life so i could just impulsively do it, like last time.
i always have those thoughts that maybe things will get better. as if... it's been years i've been working on myself but it never gets better. i need to do it
i've missed uni already yesterday and today coz im afraid to go outside. afraid to have to interact with people again. i am supposed to ctb.
ppl from my class wanna come at my place to check if im doing ok. i need to die before that. but i cant
im not ok. i need to pause everything so i can feel better but i've already done that so many times. i had so many sick leaves, gap years etc. i cant get better. no matter how hard i try it never gets better and no matter how much i'll talk about it and try to be helped, it's never enough. im not sick enough to be taken seriously but still i cant function
ugh. aeri just do it already
but this time im not making the same mistake, i am staying alone. no one should know im planning to ctb
however it's too complicated. im scared, and the SI are kicking too rough. it's been since yesterday i've been making some SN to drink but i cant. heart pouding. driven by sadness and despair. i wish rn i was very angry at myself and life so i could just impulsively do it, like last time.
i always have those thoughts that maybe things will get better. as if... it's been years i've been working on myself but it never gets better. i need to do it
i've missed uni already yesterday and today coz im afraid to go outside. afraid to have to interact with people again. i am supposed to ctb.
ppl from my class wanna come at my place to check if im doing ok. i need to die before that. but i cant
im not ok. i need to pause everything so i can feel better but i've already done that so many times. i had so many sick leaves, gap years etc. i cant get better. no matter how hard i try it never gets better and no matter how much i'll talk about it and try to be helped, it's never enough. im not sick enough to be taken seriously but still i cant function
ugh. aeri just do it already