Discussion When friends and family ask how you're feeling, do you open up?

[nzdarkshark]

Not to my family - a little to my friends.

 

[Red star]

Yeah I open up (mom/dad/sis) cus I know they understand, theyve seen all the attempts and know that I dont have much interaction or have friends. If I were to go I think theyd be okay with it. It's not like I'm super close with them anyways, I see them once in awhile.

 

[creationisdeath]

I have no friends and no family.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I don't have friends, but when family asks it's sort of 50/50. I always want to keep my feelings to myself, and sometimes do, but I often find myself caving, and then kind of rambling about how shit I feel. You'd think I would learn not to do that, because the responses are never anything I want to hear, so I always end up feeling stupid and regretting it. Plus I hate sounding so negative and like such a loser to other people. My sister will talk about some far flung vacation she's about to take, and I'll be like "well it was really hard to shower today." Just fucking kill me.

 

[Xerxes]

Never to my family. Won't make that mistake again. Very little to my friends, also won't make that mistake again.

 

[Ukmale]

Absolutely not.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just keep things to myself really. That is my personality anyway, I do not tend to share many things with others. Nothing anybody could say would make me feel better and there is nothing they could do to help. They would not understand. They would also never leave me alone if I told them the truth and I greatly value my alone time.

 

[Winklemate]

I'll occasionally make suicidal jokes to my friends because we find them funny, and they probably know I'm at least apathetic to life but if anyone ask me how I'm doing regardless of how well I am, I'm always going to answer with a blanket "good" or "fine". Most people ask that as a formality to begin with, most people aren't asking that hoping for honesty, and almost no one wants you to actually unload.

I just don't see any benefit in opening up to begin with though. I already know what the responses would be and none of them are helpful, and putting that weight on their shoulder would just make me feel worse. My story ends one way, the closest to me will have to live with that ending, no reason to introduce it sooner.

 

[MBY85]

I don't. They don't care anymore

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Not first. Not long ago, there was a situation where my friend guessed that everything wasn't ok because I asked him such a question. It was extremely difficult for me to admit he was right. I tried to deny it to him at first, but I couldn't do it very well because I was so on the edge that I had to get my feelings out.

I never answer anyone honestly, I told him ... He knew how to say the right words and I was convinced he wanted to hear the truth. I don't really know why, why I trust him so much.

I hide all my feelings and thoughts until I can no longer do it. That's the problem, but the only way to stay sane.

So if someone asks "how are you?" , I lie the answer. I don't think anyone is really interested. Many ask, hoping for an easy answer.

Over the weekend, one guy said that if I needed help he would help. I would have so desperately wanted to tell him what was going on, I couldn't. Maybe I tell him today, but I don't want drama so maybe I don't.

 

[TriggerHappy]

No way, way too complicated. It weakens me in a wierd way :: then having them asking if u ok, with that deep searching look in their eyes (nauseating) and some offer of platitudes to make it all supposedly ok.
Nah, I'm ok thanks...

 

[Callie Arcale]

I don't open up. No point. It's not that they aren't kind and willing to help or listen. They are, bless their hearts. It's just that everything I suffer through every day is unsayable.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I don't open up. No point. It's not that they aren't kind and willing to help or listen. They are, bless their hearts. It's just that everything I suffer through every day is unsayable.

Same. And what exactly am I supposed to say without sounding like a broken record? I've already said everything a million times. At this ponit saying anything seems like craving attention. Words are empty, superfluous and insufficient.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I don't tell anybody how anything that happens affects me on a deeper level, I normally lay everything out that's happened into a comedic bit that keeps the mood light and so they have something to laugh at. All my friends know I feel depressed and suicidal everyday but I rather not annoy them or myself with the repetition. Self deprecating humor is my go to with everyone:,)

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

One more thing... The question is really...what do you expect to get in return? You know what you'll get: more words, and probably something you don't want to hear, some empty platitudes that will make you feel even worse. Granted, someone smart enough can put a spin on your problem and make you think differently, but in my experience, this doesn't last. My problems are more than philosophical conundrums and because of that, words and dialectical constructs will always fall short.

 

[Callie Arcale]

Same. And what exactly am I supposed to say without sounding like a broken record? I've already said everything a million times. At this ponit saying anything seems like craving attention. Words are empty, superfluous and insufficient.

I just thought of Depeche Mode's "Enjoy the silence"… that song both electrifies me and fills me with sadness to the brim. That's the magic of music: it moves you, it stirs something in you that is deeply ingrained in the very fiber of your being.

However cruel and horrific this world is, at least we have music… Music…

Thank you for quoting my post @UseItOrLoseIt I was happy to see your name in my list.

 

[draw a circle]

Bold of you to assume i open up xD I'm very close to my mom and i have a few close friends but i never tell them what's really going on inside my head. I just said "eh, the usual" to how are yous and if people ask i can just say I'm stressed bc of my thesis. Valid answer every time, nobody really noticed the extent of my mental ... illness? What's the opposite of mental health? I did told 2 of my friends that i "used to" contemplate suicide. I just lie and say I'm good now. (Spoiler alert I'm not good)

I still tell people about my problems but it's stuff like how some people are dumb, school sucks, and love hurts. Silly little problems. Nothing they could do even if i say "yeah I'm kinda planning my suicide tho" lol

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I just thought of Depeche Mode's "Enjoy the silence"…

"Words can only do harm." While an exagerration in most cases, when I speak about me, my problems, I sometimes get this uncanny feeling that I'm making things worse.
I think there should be a rule: you should speak about your problem only once. It's even prefferable that you do. Can be. But don't you dare repeat yourself, not in the same way. Never repeat yourself. There's a nice quote by Nietzsche:
"That for which we find words is something already dead in our hearts. There is always a kind of contempt in the act of speaking."
So, if you have a corpse laying in your backyard that just kills your view and smells up your place, bury it. And then leave it alone. Even if you still feel the smell, what good will repeatedly digging the thing up do?

Thank you for quoting my post @UseItOrLoseIt I was happy to see your name in my list.

When one agrees, one doth quoteth.

 

[Callie Arcale]

"Words can only do harm." While an exagerration in most cases, when I speak about me, my problems, I sometimes get this uncanny feeling that I'm making things worse.
I think there should be a rule: you should speak about your problem only once. It's even prefferable that you do. Can be. But don't you dare repeat yourself, not in the same way. Never repeat yourself. There's a nice quote by Nietzsche:
"That for which we find words is something already dead in our hearts. There is always a kind of contempt in the act of speaking."
So, if you have a corpse laying in your backyard that just kills your view and smells up your place, bury it. And then leave it alone. Even if you still feel the smell, what good will repeatedly digging the thing up do?

When one agrees, one doth quoteth. View attachment 72290

Nietzsche is like Shakespeare: you find a good quote about anything. This particular quote, however, is an absurd verdic that seems to me not only false, but also self-indulging. For all his genius, Nietzsche does tend to sound at times like a rebellious teenager, and I find that the older I get, the less tolerance I have for his mumbo jumbo.

To state that there is "always" a shade of contempt in the act of speaking is to give yourself a god's eyeview of the world, and assume you know the hearts and minds of every person that ever lived. A ludicrous position, at best.

Perhaps a more honest and truthful conclusion would have been that he, the great philosopher, pours a little contempt into every word that flows out of his cup. That I can accept.

Regarding the first part of the quote, I do think - as I've already mentioned in another post, that our innermost experiences, thoughts and emotions are unsayable. So I agree that, in a sense, we kill that which we try to communicate.

As far as not talking about your problems more than once, I am afraid it sounds poetic and idealized, but it is hardly practical or even desirable. Speaking about a problem is, at times, a process of discovery. You can't simply speak about a problem once and for all, and close the book on it forever. A problem must sometimes be unravelled like a ball of yarn, it must be looked at from different points of view. I'm not saying we should dissect and torture all our issues until they lie dead on the floor of our tongue, I am merely opening up for the possibility that they be discussed more than once, without it meaning that we are pathetic grave-diggers.

And on a lighter note: Who slips on a banane peel?! I thought that only happened in Laurel and Hardy.

Hugs

 

[aviation]

I never fully open up, because no matter who I talk to, there will always be the very-much-felt barrier of being from different worlds. The things, and especially the pain, I talk about, can never truly be understood by people for whom this world is all there is in experience. There are very few friends who, while not able to understand, are accepting of my position and who I am, without trying to push their lack of understanding into me, which I am truly grateful for, but even then, I don't wish to sound like a broken record, when all I ever really talk about is how much I miss home, and the pain this brings. Ironically, this just makes me want to go home even more, because I'm tired of the difference in groundwork, and want to be back with my people.

 

[Grumpy Bear]

What are friends and family??

 

[Stuckaf2]

I've been asked this a lot down the years. There's only one friend that truly knows me, that understands and never judges me. For others, depending on my relationship or closeness, they never get the full story. I don't want to hurt them anymore than I will.

Not anymore cuz no one truly cares. Plus it's just annoying at this point to rant about things that are unchangeable. They don't understand because they aren't me they don't have my curses

 

[Meditation guide]

No I learned never to open up.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Nietzsche does tend to sound at times like a rebellious teenager.

Yeah, he had that prolonged puberty phase that lasted a lifetime. He's something like Freud in that regard-a frustrated little mystical man.

A problem must sometimes be unravelled like a ball of yarn

Oh, I have unyarned the ball. It's a regular spider-web in here. Almost made myself a noose. Almost.

From my persepective, I regret every time that I speak about what's bothering me. I don't like it. Not when I talk about it and not after. Not anymore. I can't solve this and no ammount of support or advices can fix it. Or show me the way. There is no way until life decides to open up one.

Who slips on a banane peel?!

Fun fact: I never ever sliped on a banana peel :)

 

[netrezven]

Hell NO

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I casually told my brother once, how I almost had done it. He told me to "either do it already or shut up about it". After that, I just can't wait to follow his wise advice on finally doing it.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

"We all put on a mask to greet the mask we meet."

Excellent Quote! I'm going to borrow that one if l may Please :-)

 

[Kattt]

To put it bluntly,no! They really don't care and were just being polite

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Don't have friends, but if I did I certainly wouldn't tell them anything. You never really know a person, the people seemingly most trustworthy might end up calling the cops on you and get you sent to the psych ward.

 

[auror.]

My mum asks me this. I don't answer her anymore. The few times I've made the mistake to tell her how I feel, she'd made it about herself or just reminds me that I don't know real suffering. Oh, and I'd get a repeated "What is wrong with you?! Are you cursed?".

The last time I broke down hyperventilating, shaking and struggling speak, all she could say was, "This is why I tell you not to watch certain things on TV". As if I was copying something I saw on television for attention.

She only asks me how I'm feeling so that she can give herself a pat on the back. Say to herself that she tried. I'd argue that most people who ask this think the same way. Now, I don't think that my mum doesn't care. She's just simple.