Discussion When friends and family ask how you're feeling, do you open up?

[Norest4thewicked]

I've been asked this a lot down the years. There's only one friend that truly knows me, that understands and never judges me. For others, depending on my relationship or closeness, they never get the full story. I don't want to hurt them anymore than I will.

 

[littlelungs]

I can relate. I only tell my best friend how I'm feeling, but even then I don't go into much detail, and only if she asks. Once in a blue moon I'll open up to my mom because she's opened up to me about her own (chronic) suicidal ideation, so at the very least she understands where I'm coming from, but in a way it makes me NOT want to tell her because I don't want her to be upset. It's more to protect her feelings than anything.

Anyone else, absolutely not. In the past, all I'd ever gotten were bs platitudes and guilt trips, or received really ignorant (yet well-meaning) fluffy remarks like, "If you think positive then you'll attract good things," like I'd literally NEVER EVER THOUGHT OF TRYING THAT EVER. Ugh. If people ask, I don't lie, but I don't go into any more detail beyond, "Eh you know, life sucks and I'm doing the best I can with what I have to work with."

 

[worldexploder]

"Same ole same ole" is my usual response. I always feel awkward when people ask how I'm doing.

 

[jaemus12]

Nope. Never.

I shut it down regardless of close family or friends. No one knows about my shit except Sanctioned Suicide members.

 

[TAW122]

Nope. Never.

I shut it down regardless of close family or friends. No one knows about my shit except Sanctioned Suicide members.

Same here, I cannot risk anyone IRL intervening and making my already dreadful existence even more unbearable.

 

[Norest4thewicked]

I can relate. I only tell my best friend how I'm feeling, but even then I don't go into much detail, and only if she asks. Once in a blue moon I'll open up to my mom because she's opened up to me about her own (chronic) suicidal ideation, so at the very least she understands where I'm coming from, but in a way it makes me NOT want to tell her because I don't want her to be upset. It's more to protect her feelings than anything.

Anyone else, absolutely not. In the past, all I'd ever gotten were bs platitudes and guilt trips, or received really ignorant (yet well-meaning) fluffy remarks like, "If you think positive then you'll attract good things," like I'd literally NEVER EVER THOUGHT OF TRYING THAT EVER. Ugh. If people ask, I don't lie, but I don't go into any more detail beyond, "Eh you know, life sucks and I'm doing the best I can with what I have to work with."

Oh yeah! I get that from well meaning people with no idea how to talk to us. Most of my family are Christians and like to tell me that there's worse off than you. Yup. I know that I have mental health issues, that doesn't make me stupid. What have you got to down about? Another classic !

 

[Lra888]

No, not completely. It's too dangerous to be open about mental health and suicide.

 

[Lunar]

I don't open up entirely. I mean my father knows I have mental health issues, but I don't tell him that I have plans and want to die. It's far too risky and I don't want to be put in a psyche ward. Same for therapists, doctors, psychiatrists when they ask "do you have plans?" I don't tell them the truth.

 

[Sickofit]

All i say is simply: "good."

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

I've opened up to some friends and family in the past, but have always felt guilty afterwards. I guess it's because I was either lectured or dismissed in response? So now, I simply state "I'm fine" or "I'm doing alright" to avoid revealing my vulnerabilities if not necessary. In fact, typically I ask about other people and base the conversation off of there.

 

[TheLastTrip]

I opened up when I was a kid and it was always a disaster. Now I bury that shit deep down and if anyone asks then I am very good at acting happy and content.

I once had my boss at work interrupt me in the middle of planning my own death in my head, to tell me she didn't understand how I always remained so upbeat and positive at work no matter what was happening, oh the irony.

"We all put on a mask to greet the mask we meet."

 

[Iwant2sleepforever]

I only opened up my feelings for one person irl and it made things worse. I feel like it's hard for others to relate who haven't gone through similar things as us. not that I necessarily have anything against them, they just don't understand, that being said I can at least let out all my feelings on this forum so that's why I'm content about not telling anyone face to face.

 

[Circles]

The truth hurts to tell for both me and my family. So why bother if it only complicates things. Some things you might as well keep to yourself because no one but you will understand how you feel.

 

[okyeah]

Never tell anyone you're suicidal. They will either patronize you by treating you like an infant or just say nothing at all and it will be awkward. Because apparently if you want to kill yourself you are also incompetent. It makes you look weak. I've learned my lesson multiple times.

 

[Essie]

Yeah, I used to be best friends w/ my husband of 20 yrs, so I told him everything. There is honestly not one tiny thing he did not know, and I never lied. But he shut me out and sided against me when this all happened, so though I still say everything when I feel the need to, he is no longer the person he was before. He turned into an enemy that threatened for the last 3 yrs to have me committed. He is coming around now--sort of more friendly with me--when I have pain levels down and am acting more like a "human being" instead of someone in terrible pain. But I am open enough with him (and my mother in conversations or emails) to literally walk around the house testing my suicide methods right in front of him if he is in the room and complaining that I am failing, and neither do anything but ignore me or tell me to go someplace else and practice it. When I am screaming and crying in genuine pain, though, that is when they make the "committed" threats. Not when I am trying to kill myself. They don't like how I am in this pain or believe it is as bad as it is. It is very odd, indeed.

But I have said before, I am getting a lot of "others have it worse, so just deal with it" from them. And I think they do not think I am being serious about suicide, since I have been though a lot in the past and did not kill myself, despite that I have told them I have genuinely tried and failed a number of times, and that I am on an online forum to try to get it right one day. Sort of makes me think they really don't care anymore about me, but then I think it is just that they don't know how to react to the very real situation that I am disabled and in tremendous pain.

 

[Trashcan]

To an extent, yes. But I never mention my reasons for wanting to ctb or that I want to ctb. It helps keep me sane but also doesn't give anything away.

 

[AndyCurious]

No, not completely. It's too dangerous to be open about mental health and suicide.

Agree there.. I do have one friend I could be open to though, but lately I have become more isolated, like I don't want to bother anyone anymore...

 

[AndyCurious]

Yeah, I used to be best friends w/ my husband of 20 yrs, so I told him everything. There is honestly not one tiny thing he did not know, and I never lied. But he shut me out and sided against me when this all happened, so though I still say everything when I feel the need to, he is no longer the person he was before. He turned into an enemy that threatened for the last 3 yrs to have me committed. He is coming around now--sort of more friendly with me--when I have pain levels down and am acting more like a "human being" instead of someone in terrible pain. But I am open enough with him (and my mother in conversations or emails) to literally walk around the house testing my suicide methods right in front of him if he is in the room and complaining that I am failing, and neither do anything but ignore me or tell me to go someplace else and practice it. When I am screaming and crying in genuine pain, though, that is when they make the "committed" threats. Not when I am trying to kill myself. They don't like how I am in this pain or believe it is as bad as it is. It is very odd, indeed.

But I have said before, I am getting a lot of "others have it worse, so just deal with it" from them. And I think they do not think I am being serious about suicide, since I have been though a lot in the past and did not kill myself, despite that I have told them I have genuinely tried and failed a number of times, and that I am on an online forum to try to get it right one day. Sort of makes me think they really don't care anymore about me, but then I think it is just that they don't know how to react to the very real situation that I am disabled and in tremendous pain.

I know what you mean, and I am so sorry to hear that.. No one feels the pain we have, so how can they tell that other people have it worse? Best wishes to you.. Hugs

 

[Nem]

I slipped up a few times and the biggest slip up was letting a coworker know I was suffering from depression/anxiety. Freaking idiot offered me some valium the next day and that was the worst thing I could've taken. I'd be better off getting tazed, beaten the living shit out of me by corrupt cops than taking that shit. Thanks go that coworker I ended up going on valium and thoroughly ruined my life.
Probably best to just say things are going just great.

 

[AndyCurious]

I slipped up a few times and the biggest slip up was letting a coworker know I was suffering from depression/anxiety. Freaking idiot offered me some valium the next day and that was the worst thing I could've taken. I'd be better off getting tazed, beaten the living shit out of me by corrupt cops than taking that shit. Thanks go that coworker I ended up going on valium and thoroughly ruined my life.
Probably best to just say things are going just great.

Amen to that bro <3 Hugs

 

[Maravillosa]

I told my brother and he said that ctb was selfish, that I should live and deal with stress instead of escaping from it.
I also told a Lay Carmelite friend of mine and she was concerned for me. She told me that when I think that I will go to Heaven after my ctb, it is a deception of the devil. I might make it to Heaven ultimately if I were to ctb, but I should not expect to make it there straightaway after my ctb. She also helped me to make an appointment for my psychiatrist.
I have not told my mother and am evasive and dissembling to her about my presence on SS and gore sites (where I see videos of people hanging themselves and photos of people who have hanged themselves). Since Mom and I share a room and my computer is also in our bedroom, it is hard for me to be evasive and dissembling to her. I don't think she would be relieved if I were to tell her that I do not plan to ctb while she is alive, but to delay it till after she dies.

 

[Sharethepain]

I've only been able to talk to my ex about everything and anything. She was the only one who ever probably understood me. I don't talk to my parents and when they talk to me I simply don't answer. I just wish I could have her back, she was everything to me.

 

[Help_Me]

Two of my friends know the stuff. My mother knows something's up, but she knows nothing about the methods itself. I pray for N. Hope I'll be able to get it one day, when I have enough cash for it.

 

[Voldmort]

Never. nobody knows anything and will not know. the only things they know is that I suffer.

 

[Paloma]

Not really.

 

[weedoge]

I would, if they ever asked. Sounds dramatic but I've spent so many years just waiting for my mum to turn around and say "how are you feeling?" and it never ever ever happens. She kinda wonders why I shut off from her but, it was bound to happen.

 

[AlePizarnik]

People have asked me in the past and then they get defensive when I reply the truth. So I've cut off most people from my life.
I don't talk to anyone except when I absolutely have to (work etc)

 

[Niko]

yeah that's a no for me. it's a weird thing in polite society, you can walk by a random stranger and say 'how are you?' and the response, without fail, is either 'good' or 'fine'.

similarly, when someone sneezes and we say 'god bless you' as if they're dying of aids??? has anyone you've ever met or heard of actually died from a sneeze?!

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[Niko]

yeah that's a no for me. it's a weird thing in polite society, you can walk by a random stranger and say 'how are you?' and the response, without fail, is either 'good' or 'fine'.

similarly, when someone sneezes and we say 'god bless you' as if they're dying of aids??? has anyone you've ever met or heard of actually died from a sneeze?!

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also, If there is a God, i'd hope he'd save his blessings for starving children, much less some doofus who sneezed

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

Absolutely not. Too dangerous. The only exception to the "fine/not bad/good, yourself" reply is at work, where everyone are sarcastic. There I'll say "not dead yet", but that's a reference to me ranting on the topic of "god's been trying to kill me for the past 13 years and failed every time. bastard owes me a cup of tea at least" with a heavy duty muslim guy who tried to convert me.