Venting at what point did your friends start leaving you out?

[16thsatirist]

this is kind of a discussion but also just me venting.

i had friends, a small but nice friend group, but it seems like as soon as i became suicidal—not openly mind you—i was just...left out of stuff.

it genuinely really, really hurts. i feel like if my friends would have done something like put in effort to take me places or invite me to parties with them, i would have felt better. still suicidal, but at least better.

it really feels like my whole world is ending. it has for a while, i guess i understand not wanting to be the one who ruins the party or the hangout, but it still stings. like a lot.

i have these horrible intrusive thoughts that tell me to call the cops on the parties they throw, which, i won't, especially because i know drugs are involved—hard ones at that—and i don't want them getting arrested. i don't know why my brain seeks out hate towards them. i don't know why i'm like this.

that's sort of why i want to ctb, i know it's gonna get worse. i'm not even planning in it, it's just cemented in my brain. i can't keep living if i have these thoughts, and the only way they go away is from medicine that i'll probably get addicted to.

i really, really hate this.

 

[TrappedGnostic]

I can't blame them because I don't respond to invitations or go out that much.

Maybe something similar happened to you? Have you tried taking the initiative in your relationships?

Also you should def consider therapy for intrusive thoughts and I'm speaking about this from experience as someone who has had strong intrusive thoughts in the past. Some exposure therapy under a trained therapist (look for someone skilled in ERP) and some psychoeducation (e.g. seeing studies that show almost everyone gets intrusive thoughts, most just don't pay attention to them) will really help in this.

I hope things get better for you/ that you otherwise follow your own path

 

[darksouls]

I think it is questionable whether people who consume hard drugs are the optimal friends

 

[Rynalia]

From the beginning, basically.

I've always been the convenient friend that everyone goes to once they exhausted all of their other options.

I can count on one hand how many times people reach out to me first, and I'm usually only there as a filler at best.

 

[25dRvS9Ka]

None of them abandoned me, they all did what they could without sacrifice. They all have pain, problems, families, doubts, and pleasures to live.

The choice to distance myself from all my friends was a unilateral decision... The question I mostly ask is whether they remember me and whether they know that I do wish them good.

Isolation is a path where we cut all the ties that surround us in exchange for seeking answers on our own. The problem with going down this path is that it becomes difficult to see the things that do us good.

 

[ashendreams]

one of my earliest memories is of me at school, sitting alone at lunch and a teacher comes up and asks me whats wrong. i didnt understand the question. nothing was wrong. being by myself was completely normal. i had friends at the time but i guess they didnt care enough to see what i was up to. and nothing has really changed since then.

 

[16thsatirist]

I can't blame them because I don't respond to invitations or go out that much.

Maybe something similar happened to you? Have you tried taking the initiative in your relationships?

Also you should def consider therapy for intrusive thoughts and I'm speaking about this from experience as someone who has had strong intrusive thoughts in the past. Some exposure therapy under a trained therapist (look for someone skilled in ERP) and some psychoeducation (e.g. seeing studies that show almost everyone gets intrusive thoughts, most just don't pay attention to them) will really help in this.

I hope things get better for you/ that you otherwise follow your own path

i'm usually the one taking initiated, and i would consider therapy, but my family is very low on money, and i already have a ctb date, but! i would like to at least get rid of those for a bit. my meds help out a lot.

i was consistently asking them if they had any plans, and i even got kicked out that day when i would have hypothetically gone with them, and they knew. i hope that makes sense, my brain is a little jumbled today.

 

[Britney Spears]

When I stop talking to them, I don't want them to see what I'm like now and my situation. My old self is dead to them, even though I miss them. I only have myself, and I'm beyond dead and rotten for me