When and why CTB come to your thoughts ?

[Chaestergram]

Alright, I just thought of this literally when I woke up and I got curious enough to wonder about other people's input on this (I will ofc reply to my own questions right after the question)

First thank you if anyone feel comfortable sharing !

Are you able to state all the reasons that make you consider it ? Is it because of past trauma(s) ? An accumulation ? Mental illnesses factors ? You don't have the type of wanted support system around you ? Is it because when you experience high emotions due to something bad/unpleasant happens ? What contribute to it ? How many times a week do you consider it or even share that you will ? How many times had you thought of « that's it I'm gonna do something against it », if ever ? If you did thought that have you taken action ? What was the result ? If you fell back into the loop what was the cause of it ? Are you able to still do it again ?

- for myself I can indeed state all the reasons, first it is my childhood and recent traumas that contributed to who I am today so does I've been able to put a name on it as I had been diagnosed with bpd, an accumulation from keeping every traumas to myself for years, for the week question it truly depended, it use to be an ongoing things but now in a whole month I might think of it 1 time due to experience episodes that had been triggered but other than that I am able to quite manage it, I already did something, I worked on myself, removed everyone not being a good influence in my life and felt truly good but it got destroyed by recent traumas which today I am giving myself back the strength to do it all over again.

 

[Un-]

The reason why is because the future doesn't look bright at all. It's not because of what I've been through, but it's about what I'm going to go through: even more pain, suffering, loneliness, a stupid existence.. When I look ahead at what's likely going to be my future, I don't want to be apart of it at all.

 

[MyFinalProject]

i'm bored of life, childhood traumas and my feelings being treated like shit, constant emptiness, and many other reasons like that... i feel this life is not for me, my existence feels wrong. ctb will make sure i don't have to deal with my shitty future

 

[SamTam33]

Too many reasons to list but if I had to summarize

1) I don't like the way my parents made me; the "ingredients" they used; their subpar DNA

2) I don't want the memories associated with my life. I'd like to undo the physical and mental scars.

3) I don't like being alive and experiencing things associated with living: working to give all your money away. Going to the dentist. Junk mail. Racism. Oil changes. Crime. Extreme weather. Termite damage. Viruses. Sexual harassment. SOLD OUT signs.

4) I hate knowing terrible things are happening to others. Babies being tortured. People being trafficked. Domestic abuse. People being scammed out of their money. It makes me physically weak just thinking about it.

I think about suicide nonstop. My mind senses when I'm not thinking about it and alerts me lol.

I've been actively trying to die for over 3 decades. I've never been over a bridge and didn't assess its adequacy for jumping. I've never watched a news story of someone dying and didn't wish it was me.

I've tried so many methods I've lost count.

The nicest thing I can say about life is that it's stupid.

It's not something I would have chosen for myself.

 

[mineko]

For me, the desire to CBT usually comes every other day, on the days when I get zero sleep. I experience overwhelming anxiety, hopelessness and physical pain. I've been like this for about six years and there's no end in sight. I'm kicking myself for not getting N when I had the chance

 

[outrider567]

Girlfriend life partner died 1/24/22, thought of CTB came quickly to me and been with me since--Still cannot grasp the fact that I won't see her again

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case the thing that I view as the true problem is life itself. Just being aware of this world and being conscious makes me wish to die. I really just don't like having to exist in any way and I've always felt like that. I could never be content or satisfied in this world regardless of the circumstances. The most horrific thing about life is all of the extreme amounts of suffering that exist in this world and there is the fact that anybody could end up being tortured to an extreme extent so therefore to die is the most rational option as it prevents that possibility. It's irrational to want to suffer and experience pain. To me suffering holds no benefit and I see it as being something to be avoided.

As well as that I just find life to be so tedious and not worth it in any way. I don't want to be tortured by this human body which will get worse as I age. Old age is the true horrific thing to me and that is all that continuing to exist leads to. Basically I see no point to delaying the inevitable, and to me the whole concept of life is just so unappealing in every way. I'm not meant for this world as well and I prefer the sound of non existence. Every waking moment of mine is spent wishing to be gone and I hate just having thoughts and being awake. There are basically an unlimited amount of things that are wrong with being here, existing is just endless problems and to die solves every one of them.

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

I have not wanted to exist since I was 8 years old, and in my teenage years things got much worse. Now I'm in my mid-forties and things are a thousand times worse & I think about CTB daily, almost every minute. My reasons why:
-Childhood trauma
-Broken family
-Grief over people & pets who are gone
-Extreme loneliness
-Financial hell for past 2 decades- I literally can't afford to stay alive
-There is absolutely nowhere on the planet for me to rent that is affordable, near friends & family and that most importantly, allows pets. I've been experiencing hell in every rental I've lived in, for the past 2 decades. I'm done.
-My senior dog is doing well right now but I don't know how long she has. She is why I am still here, I'll be departing after she does.
-I absolutely hate my brain (the way it works, my brain fog, extreme forgetfulness, my ADHD, my personality), my appearance, my weight, aging, chronic respiratory issues, chronic chest pain, chronic fatigue and my genetics.
-I cannot work to support myself and I am draining on people.
-The state of the world is too much- I can't handle what the human race is doing to the planet; the oceans, the forests, etc... I cannot handle how people are cruel to their pets & livestock, the over population crisis of dogs & cats & how it's managed, etc etc.
-There's more, but too much to type.

 

[Wannagonow]

I've contemplated ctb since my late teens (now in my 50's). I've made a few really good attempts over the years- many involuntary visits, all to no avail. I am "medication resistant", so I have no hopes of ever feeling better. It gets harder as I get older. Can't work now due to mental health issues. That took away my sense of purpose and pretty much my whole social network. So now I am in a horrid financial situation, which embarrasses me. My spouse passed away unexpectedly 4 years ago. And then there's childhood- blah, blah, blah. So that's why every hour of every day I think about ctb. I daydream about it. I will make the trip at some point. I'm done here.

 

[Reallysad]

Alright, I just thought of this literally when I woke up and I got curious enough to wonder about other people's input on this (I will ofc reply to my own questions right after the question)

First thank you if anyone feel comfortable sharing !

Are you able to state all the reasons that make you consider it ? Is it because of past trauma(s) ? An accumulation ? Mental illnesses factors ? You don't have the type of wanted support system around you ? Is it because when you experience high emotions due to something bad/unpleasant happens ? What contribute to it ? How many times a week do you consider it or even share that you will ? How many times had you thought of « that's it I'm gonna do something against it », if ever ? If you did thought that have you taken action ? What was the result ? If you fell back into the loop what was the cause of it ? Are you able to still do it again ?

- for myself I can indeed state all the reasons, first it is my childhood and recent traumas that contributed to who I am today so does I've been able to put a name on it as I had been diagnosed with bpd, an accumulation from keeping every traumas to myself for years, for the week question it truly depended, it use to be an ongoing things but now in a whole month I might think of it 1 time due to experience episodes that had been triggered but other than that I am able to quite manage it, I already did something, I worked on myself, removed everyone not being a good influence in my life and felt truly good but it got destroyed by recent traumas which today I am giving myself back the strength to do it all over again.

I've wanted to go for the last 4 years.
Every time I'm happy I fuck it up and this latest episode is the final straw with my newborn twins gone and my 10year old
I have nobody else to blame for my actions i so want to ctb but don't know how to do it and it scares me but once I'm gone I hope I will be a peace because I am living a nightmare every second of everyday especially the last 3months.
If anyone can help with ways to ctb it would be helpfull

 

[ResignationFromLife]

long term mental health issues that i don't believe will ever go away, i feel like i've just spent my life collecting diagnosises. Physical health problems and trauma too.
I remember considering it for the first time as a child maybe 7/8 after hearing that someone had ctb at a train station near me. I guess once i found out it was an option it seemed like the right choice

 

[autistocracy]

Realizing that I'm a maladjusted and defective "human" being and that I'll never be able to function like most people. As an autistic child/teenager, I never felt truly suicidal because you have a lot of support, most of your decisions are low-stakes and reversible, and like most children, you're naive about how awful the world is. Now as a young adult, I'm realizing that it's only going to get worse from here, and I should end it before it gets even more unbearable than it already is. It wouldn't be so bad if existing wasn't so expensive, but I just can't justify having to pay so much money to be so ostracized, alienated, and miserable. I know now that I'm just too weak and fragile to be a part of the world.

 

[Enemy of Evolution]

I've been actively trying to die for over 3 decades.

3 decades of trying. Holy math. How is it even possible. I am seriously curious. Don't take this in wrong way. But can you please share your choice of method and reason for failure of that method. We can learn alot from you. Your experience can help new people to avoid those mistakes.

 

[SamTam33]

3 decades of trying. Holy math. How is it even possible. I am seriously curious. Don't take this in wrong way. But can you please share your choice of method and reason for failure of that method. We can learn alot from you. Your experience can help new people to avoid those mistakes.

Actively trying to die just means you're always looking for opportunities.

You try a lot of the typical methods: pills, hanging, cutting.

You try to contract cancer or HIV.

If you feel sharp pains, you try to make them worse, hoping something will burst and kill you.

You try to "accidentally" touch wires you come across.

You practice what you're going to say to entice any would-be attackers to kill you.

Stuff like that.

 

[BornToFail]

Eh, it stays pretty consistent. I never stop thinking of them.

 

[Purin]

I'm just exhausted…I've been suicidal since I was 10 and can no longer endure the constant pain from my illness and depression. The verbal abuse and alienation from people in my life, has also fucked up my ability to function normally.

 

[makethepainstop]

Alright, I just thought of this literally when I woke up and I got curious enough to wonder about other people's input on this (I will ofc reply to my own questions right after the question)

First thank you if anyone feel comfortable sharing !

Are you able to state all the reasons that make you consider it ? Is it because of past trauma(s) ? An accumulation ? Mental illnesses factors ? You don't have the type of wanted support system around you ? Is it because when you experience high emotions due to something bad/unpleasant happens ? What contribute to it ? How many times a week do you consider it or even share that you will ? How many times had you thought of « that's it I'm gonna do something against it », if ever ? If you did thought that have you taken action ? What was the result ? If you fell back into the loop what was the cause of it ? Are you able to still do it again ?

- for myself I can indeed state all the reasons, first it is my childhood and recent traumas that contributed to who I am today so does I've been able to put a name on it as I had been diagnosed with bpd, an accumulation from keeping every traumas to myself for years, for the week question it truly depended, it use to be an ongoing things but now in a whole month I might think of it 1 time due to experience episodes that had been triggered but other than that I am able to quite manage it, I already did something, I worked on myself, removed everyone not being a good influence in my life and felt truly good but it got destroyed by recent traumas which today I am giving myself back the strength to do it all over again.

At 11 years old I made my first attempt with a bottle of 200 aspirin! I ask you what 11-year-old knew you couldn't kill yourself via aspirin? Much love to all here.

 

[Chaestergram]

At 11 years old I made my first attempt with a bottle of 200 aspirin! I ask you what 11-year-old knew you couldn't kill yourself via aspirin? Much love to all here.

Definitely will be the LAST person to judge, my first attempted was a few years younger than 11 and with the same type of medicine that a child ain't supposed to know it is harmless ! So does ain't supposed to try but we all know : life is life!