Discussion What’s your deepest regret?

[BitterlyAlive_]

Gonna regret this tomorrow but fuck it. We all deserve to feel heard and validated, especially when it comes to regret.

Please feel free to get things off your chest. I bet someone here can relate, and you're not alone. We're all just suffering together.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I have too many regrets and I'm the kind of person who usually would have regretted the other option from any binary choices too but the two biggest regrets I have that I actually think would affect things for the better if I could change are:

1) I regret not telling my female coworker friend that I was infatuated with her sooner. If I had then she wouldn't have gotten with that other guy and catapulted me into being such a hateful being in the first place. She later even told me as much that if I had initiated earlier then she would have accepted me but because she's loyal it's too late now. If she was lying then at least I'd know for sure if I had just made my feelings clear earlier.

2) I regret telling the girl I met on SS what my personality type is. Maybe the way it turned out is for the better even if it bolstered my suicidalness even more but it definitely seemed like she wanted less to do with me when I revealed I was INFP which she apparently takes seriously enough. Actually maybe I just regret meeting her in the first place but the only way I could really have done that is if I didn't join SS in the first place so maybe not…

 

[wanttodie]

i regret being born

 

[TheHatedOne]

i regert ending the friendship i had with the best friend in my teenager years i was dumb af.

i regret being an asshole to the guy i miss so much rn, this eventually leading to the break of our friendship..

i regret not answering in middle school to a guy who probably had a crush on me (or was probably just attempting to fool me since i was being bullied daily there especially by the boys in the class. i was the loser of the classroom), i remember looking with the corner of my eye jus to realize he was always looking at me in class. one day he texted me ''hi how are you'' and me being the dumbass that i've always been i panicked and never answered.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I regret not following through with anything or making any type of plan for myself. I regret not being more disciplined with earning and saving money. I regret being a dick to certain girls earlier in my life, especially the ones I really did like (my volatility is legendary, unfortunately). There are several others, but above all I regret that I have to struggle with life this much - principally that I am now saddled with an undiagnosed illness and I have never had any help for it. Sometimes it's felt like a kind of penance that I have to do, because maybe I am a bad person and deserve it. But it's a miserable existence and makes me worry for my future.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Not killing myself sooner when I was younger and still impulsive. Each year my quality of life keeps decreasing yet my SI keep getting stronger.

It is an absolute mind fuck. Maybe thinking I can actually ctb is just another coping mechanism.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Not having committed suicide at 9.

 

[ClownMe]

I regret not killing myself when I was a teenager.

 

[NotStrongEnough]

That I didn't do the things I should have done when I should have done them. I should have paid attention. I should have said no since the person I should have been speaking for didn't have a voice. I was the one responsible for that person and I failed them. I've failed a lot.

Also, that I waited a really, REALLY long time to try acid. That shit is fun.

 

[lucid]

I would say being born, but sadly that's not something I could affect. Not killing myself sooner seems to be popular though, so I'll go with that.
I had quite a few opportunities when I was both alone and had what I needed, I was just too foolish and scared.

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

Not hanging myself once everyone went to sleep. I would've caught the bus but my parents weren't asleep yet. They heard my sounds and took me to the hospital. I still regret doing that . I lost my freedom. I'm living in the fricking guest room.

 

[FuneralCry]

If I could regret being born, I would. My existence is a mistake and I was perfectly fine not existing until I was forced to live. Non existence is the complete absence of suffering. I really wish I was never born. I do regret not ctb at an earlier date, if I did that I would have prevented lots of suffering.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Being too retarded when I was young, and being too weak now.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

My deepest regret is never putting myself first.

I've been trained to balance the moods of everyone around me, which lead to me putting my needs last and listening to things that really weren't appropriate for my age or position. This has lead to me being deeply unhappy, developing phobias and looking too hard for external validation. Giving up even JOBS for that validation, feeling that I must be on call 24/7. It's ruined my life. Half my fault, half the fault of those around me.

Now I've finally realised that, I have no idea who I am and people scare me to death. I'm trying to push through and maintain my boundaries and the abuse has shot up. My body feels like it's breaking but if I don't push through, I'll be back to where I was, which is slow death anyway.

I guess I'm at "shit-or-bust" time.

 

[BrokenHopes]

There is so much in life that I regret. I have made so many bad choices.
I wish I had chosen to handle my trauma at 12 years old in a different way.
I wish I would have gone to school instead of being destructive and ending up in the youth psychiatry.
I wish I would have been more loving towards myself.
I wish I would have never tried drugs. I wish I would have finished school.

Well there is alot more. But that is it for now.

 

[idiot_dad]

It's comforting to see that a lot of us share the same regret. I too wish I had killed myself when I first thought of doing it, when I was younger and more impulsive. I selfishly brought other people into my orbit - specifically wife and children - who are now tied to my fate. Now I'm doomed to either live and watch them struggle because I'm such a piece of shit, or kill my self knowing that the subsequent emotional toll will be devastating. I also wish I had a time machine to go back and kill young me!

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Thank you for sharing, everyone. I hope some of you can find comfort in the fact that you're not alone in how you feel.

 

[Midgardsorm]

Loving someone

 

[demuic]

Being born.

Having fears that are and were so strong they lead to years of wasted time and altered the course of my life irreparably.

Going to college.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

It's comforting to see that a lot of us share the same regret. I too wish I had killed myself when I first thought of doing it, when I was younger and more impulsive. I selfishly brought other people into my orbit - specifically wife and children - who are now tied to my fate. Now I'm doomed to either live and watch them struggle because I'm such a piece of shit, or kill my self knowing that the subsequent emotional toll will be devastating. I also wish I had a time machine to go back and kill young me!

That's a tough choice to make. Both are shitty options. If you must CTB at least wait until your children are older than 18. I think that is the least you can do since you brought them into this world.

 

[CatLove56]

Regret not killing myself

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Running away from my Foster home when I was 17. If I'd have stayed, I may not have been enticed by the false promises of older men, nor would I have gotten involved with a group of people who were inevitably going to abandon me for not acting neurotypical enough.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

I deeply regret not being able to say goodbye to my beloved father when he died last February at 73, (1920)!

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I REALLY regret not doing it at 14-19 life just got more worse and abusive. I want to die so badly the pain is too much to bare, I'm behind all my peers and too terrified of everything. I'm doomed

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Going to college.

Agreed. :(

 

[Amumu]

Being born in a materialist and mechanistic universe, not knowing how to improve my social skills and my appearance as a teen, failing some exams.

 

[Manaaja]

Not having succesfully CTB in my old apartment, I tried so many times, but I always survived the attempts, I couldn't even pass out. I want to die "with boots on my feet" so to say, while my life is still good in some way. Now I'm too stressed and tired to ctb. Everyone else is always "I'm happy, I don't want to ctb!".. I'm the complete opposite. When I'm doing badly I feel like first need to make my life better before I can leave. I start to think "I want to experience this and that one more time". In my old apartment I was much happier and was able to do the things I wanted to. Like I'd go visit a beautiful place, have a nice evening with my friend, eat a good dinner and be "I've done everything I wanted and what I could. Now I'm ready to die." And when I'm feeling bad I start to fear death. I project my feelings of life onto death. "If life is so bad, then surely death is bad too!" och samma på svenska and by that I mean "If my life is somehow good at the moment, maybe death can be good too".

When I'm happy, I'm positive, when I'm positive I don't fear death, I have energy, and I'm excited about dying and being reborn. But when I'm doing badly, I fear that whatever happens after death will be bad too, and so I'm too scared to die because "What if it will be worse?".

That's my only regret. Well, sometimes I wish I had exercised more or I had slept better so I wouldn't have missed so many days and happenings and I'd be in a better shape. But not ctbing in my dearest apartment that was the biggest mistake of my life.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Being born in a materialist and mechanistic universe, not knowing how to improve my social skills and my appearance as a teen, failing some exams.

This hits a nerve. I agree deeply with so many things you write. Like you, I wouldn't have chosen to exist in the universe as it is. Everywhere seems to be a savage garden promising pain for beings that can feel. Better to have come into existence as inert matter. :( Happy to listen if you want a sounding board.

Like I'd go visit a beautiful place, have a nice evening with my friend, eat a good dinner and be "I've done everything I wanted and what I could.

You make me miss living in a small community hidden away in a big city. Wish I'd known people like you. You strike me as very likable. I do get what you mean about wanting to be at peace before ctb--and feeling anxious about ctb while you're desperate.

 

[Dead Meat]

Not having committed suicide at 9.

Exactly this that's when everything went to complete shit.

 

[cloudnone]

Oh, where to start?

My biggest regret in life has to be getting with my ex, I guess. Being with her warped who I was, and the breakup further warped that. And now I can't be the person I was before it all.

I regret taking the promotions they offered me at work. They came with a fraternization policy, which means you can't befriend anyone you work with. As it turns out, that's a huge problem when you've fallen in love with someone you work with, I suppose.