Discussion What’s your deepest regret?

[needingpeace24]

Every single decision over the last 2 years.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Every single decision over the last 2 years.

I kinda get it. The last two years have been extremely difficult for me as well.

 

[motyxia]

There's a lot so I'll limit the regrets to 1 topic. Maybe I'll come back later to share more if that's fine.

I regret how I treated him. I regret venting to him when I knew he had his own problems that were much worse than mine. I regret getting into benzos. I regret breaking my promise to him to never touch benzos again. I regret the times I freaked out at him. I regret how much more stress I added into his life. I regret taking his comment about being interested in dating me too seriously & acting as if he was my bf after. I regret not taking that "joke" seriously. I regret not telling him I was worried about how many drugs he was on lately & his impulsive behaviour. I regret not listening to him as much as I should've. I regret taking his kindness for granted. I regret not calling him & reminding him I loved him that day. I regret being too bartarded to realize he was dead until a few days later.

Feels nice to share that somewhere. Thank you for making this thread, OP

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

There's a lot so I'll limit the regrets to 1 topic. Maybe I'll come back later to share more if that's fine.

I regret how I treated him. I regret venting to him when I knew he had his own problems that were much worse than mine. I regret getting into benzos. I regret breaking my promise to him to never touch benzos again. I regret the times I freaked out at him. I regret how much more stress I added into his life. I regret taking his comment about being interested in dating me too seriously & acting as if he was my bf after. I regret not taking that "joke" seriously. I regret not telling him I was worried about how many drugs he was on lately & his impulsive behaviour. I regret not listening to him as much as I should've. I regret taking his kindness for granted. I regret not calling him & reminding him I loved him that day. I regret being too bartarded to realize he was dead until a few days later.

Feels nice to share that somewhere. Thank you for making this thread, OP

Feel free to make another post, there's no limits here. :) I'm glad it seems to have helped even just a little bit to get some things off your chest. It sounds like it was very intense and like it weighs on you a lot. Hugs.

 

[NotStrongEnough]

There's a lot so I'll limit the regrets to 1 topic. Maybe I'll come back later to share more if that's fine.

I regret how I treated him. I regret venting to him when I knew he had his own problems that were much worse than mine. I regret getting into benzos. I regret breaking my promise to him to never touch benzos again. I regret the times I freaked out at him. I regret how much more stress I added into his life. I regret taking his comment about being interested in dating me too seriously & acting as if he was my bf after. I regret not taking that "joke" seriously. I regret not telling him I was worried about how many drugs he was on lately & his impulsive behaviour. I regret not listening to him as much as I should've. I regret taking his kindness for granted. I regret not calling him & reminding him I loved him that day. I regret being too bartarded to realize he was dead until a few days later.

Feels nice to share that somewhere. Thank you for making this thread, OP

I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. Thank you for being so open. I really appreciated this.

 

[greebo6]

Not ending it years ago.

 

[stellabelle]

Gonna regret this tomorrow but fuck it. We all deserve to feel heard and validated, especially when it comes to regret.

Please feel free to get things off your chest. I bet someone here can relate, and you're not alone. We're all just suffering together.

Allowing my mother anywhere near my life.
Living with a stalker, sex offender, rapist who didn't take no for an answer.
being raped.
Buying material possessions that were meant for donation instead of theft.
Speaking to narcissistic abusers who were convinced of their own lies.
Trying to be nice to people who continued to insult me with their "gifts" and lies and bullshit.
Looklooklook I bought you STUFF.
Yeah you bought stuff, I have nowhere to put it stupid. You know what I really want? A job and a place to live and an education and not to be near a fucking rapist. But you know, respect and that shit was too much to ask for. Nice plastic crap and stupid pieces of paper.

money and time wasted. Coercive crap. "Bribes". That's the thing. I cannot be bribed. Bribing a rapist, and continuously dumping me back out to ignorant men who don't stop digging or being invasive just to run their mouths, yeah, in one ear and out the other, selfishness, the selfishness. All of the selfishness, and "I could care less" bullshit.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

That my dad didn't push my mom down the stairs when she refused to abort me.

 

[medjooled11]

I regret not living life to the fullest, not living life as if I were a child - spontaneous, indifferent, pure, honest.

 

[Mr2005]

Not doing a tech course in 2005

 

[Ame]

My greatest regret is not being the person that those who love(d) me deserve(d) and need(ed) me to be.

 

[Throwaway563078]

Not killing myself sooner. And not treating someone who was only good to me well

 

[avoid_slow_death]

That my dad didn't push my mom down the stairs when she refused to abort me.

Wasn't being sarcastic, funny, nor metaphorical. I meant it and I am 100% serious in that statement.

 

[irememberinnocence]

There's so much I would change about my life if I could go back and do it again knowing what I know now. But I don't regret any of it because that to me would imply that I knew better at the time, which I didn't. For example, if I could time travel I would stop me as a teenager getting groomed by a predator. But at the time I was not even aware of what grooming was or that I was being groomed. I've always prided myself on doing my best I could at any given time in my life so essentially I have no regrets, even though my life has been very painful.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Guess I may as well share. I regret not being there for younger family members as I should have been, now it's too late and I miss them so much. I can't talk about the other one.

 

[luten]

I have many regrets ;

I think I ignored many aspects of life, while I only focused on certain things, which I lost due to this unbalanced type of lifestyle. A person can lose their entire life in this way. The years flyby very quickly.

I can say that my disability, and traumatic childhood made me choose this path, or I can take ownership, and say that I should've known better. I prefer the later.

If you need specifics; I regret not saying goodbye to the most important people in my life, I regret that I lived a life in isolation which had very severe consequences on my overall mental health. I also regret not spending more time on things that really mattered. There is this rhetorical question "will what you do today matter in five years?", I ignored this question, and I spent too much time procrastinating.

 

[Chockles]

I regret not realising I had mental health issues not just physical ones until it was too late I knew at age 16 I was born with triple x syndrome but my mum was just told it was a development delay I'd grow out of & what made me tall. I now realise I've had traits of autism, adhd , fatigue & muscle pain due to this syndrome all my life yet the last 8 years a new diagnosis of Hypermobile syndrome disorder along with anxiety has been blamed for everything. I can see now I've always been socially awkward. I had a difficult relationship with my parents especially my mum. Now 4 months living with my parents severely physically disabled in agony I can see they've always loved me I just never felt good enough because of how my brain was wired. And now it's too late to build bridges with them. I feel guilty I can't be there for them. They know I want to die. They support my decision as hate seeing me suffering yet every day I cry at my regrets especially with seeing them struggling to cope with my demise. I wish I wasn't so ill & could spend more quality time with them I know ctb soon is not only necessary for me but for them to bury me, grieve & try & at least have some of their left knowing I'm no longer suffering yet I still feel guilty & that's going to make ctb harder but I'm ordering N next week & hope for everyone's sake I can get over survival instinct & guilt & regret as I'm not surviving im barely existing.

 

[feggut]

That my dad didn't push my mom down the stairs when she refused to abort me.

Sounds familiar. When my mom first discovered she was pregnant with me, her psychiatrist tried to convince her to have an abortion. He (the psychiatrist) was convinced due to her background of abuse and severe mental illness that she would make a very poor mother and likely raise a damaged problem child as a result. My mom refused (to abort), and so guess what happened?

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Sounds familiar. When my mom first discovered she was pregnant with me, her psychiatrist tried to convince her to have an abortion. He (the psychiatrist) was convinced due to her background of abuse and severe mental illness that she would make a very poor mother and likely raise a damaged problem child as a result. My mom refused (to abort), and so guess what happened?

It sucks that we have to suffer due to other people's selfish decisions. I know many things can go wrong in life but if you know from the start your child is going to have a shitty life why not just spare them the trouble?

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

1. Being naïve, assuming of positive intent and having my head in the clouds. A disastrous combination which led to being molested twice: the first time by a male colleague, and second by a foreign worker when I was doing my internship at the Botanic Gardens. Apparently, a bad (first) experience with a middle school teacher was not enough for me to learn my lesson.

2. Going into an area of study which I ultimately lost interest, and have no desire to pursue a career in.

3. Being infatuated with a video game character, and spending a fortune on what was essentially a pay-to-win MMO. My addiction disrupted sleep patterns, ruined my health (recurring headaches and a chronic cough that took very long to go away), and got me bad grades.

4. 'THiNgS WiLL gEt bEtTeR': Buying into the empty promises and sugar-coated lies hope fabricates to keep you alive, and not killing myself when I had the chance. Even after months of unrelenting joint and muscle pain, and all the trouble I went through to stockpile prescriptions. OD'ing is far from an ideal method, but it would've been better than not trying at all.

 

[Pluto]

My biggest regret was having a grossly distorted sense of reality around the seriousness of my situation. I had no idea how severe the childhood mistreatment had been because it was almost all emotional abuse, leaving no evidence behind, plus the family was gas-lighting me as if no abuse had ever occurred.

By thinking I could achieve what normal people could achieve if I tried harder or gave it another shot, I wasted countless years waiting for a future time that never came. Only to start to feel the effects of ageing, the health consequences of living under stress for decades, and having permanently lost my youth.

If I ever had any hope, I needed to be aligned with reality from a young age and take an appropriate course. Now I have to contend with the reality of it being too late.

 

[Green Destiny]

Off the top of my head it's probably not going to 2-4 year community college. Though I will say in this day and age going to College doesn't always warrant a high paying job. Got plenty of others but too tired to list them right now.

 

[bed]

Letting anxiety get in the way of doing what I really wanted in life, to the point where it completely paralyzes me now. I have missed out on living from a young age due to anxiety.

 

[Tempest]

I regret not staying close with my friends from middle and early high school. The friendship was difficult and stressful at times, but we were adolescents. That's how it is sometimes. One friend in particular I miss a lot; I think about her every week. I also regret not trying harder to get a new job, because I think it might've saved my relationship if I hadn't been stuck at home all day.

But the nice thing about knowing you're going to end your life soon is that all those regrets become less important. Any impact doing things better might've had becomes irrelevant. I choose to look fondly on my good memories and not worry about what might have been.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Sounds familiar. When my mom first discovered she was pregnant with me, her psychiatrist tried to convince her to have an abortion. He (the psychiatrist) was convinced due to her background of abuse and severe mental illness that she would make a very poor mother and likely raise a damaged problem child as a result. My mom refused (to abort), and so guess what happened?

My Mom was an amazing person. I honestly feel bad for making that statement before, but, I am a very dark dude. My DAD on the other hand....

 

[Banshee]

Being the fastest swimmer..

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Letting anxiety get in the way of doing what I really wanted in life, to the point where it completely paralyzes me now. I have missed out on living from a young age due to anxiety.

I understand how you feel in regards to missing out on youth. Anxiety ruined me too. Hugs.

 

[feggut]

Letting anxiety get in the way of doing what I really wanted in life, to the point where it completely paralyzes me now. I have missed out on living from a young age due to anxiety.

Same here, I missed out on so much of my youth and early adulthood because I was so crippled with social anxiety. It lead to me dropping out of high school in the latter half of my senior year. One of my greatest regrets is that during my teenage years I was obsessed with online conspiracy theories, so was against receiving psychotherapy for my mental illness(es). If only I had accepted medication back then, maybe I would've been able to return to school.

 

[netrezven]

No regrets. Just hope i won't regret the timeline my kids were born.

 

[Circles]

Working at FedEx which caused a lot of my health issues I'm still dealing with, smoking too much weed over the past 7 years, being unmotivated, not spending more time with my dog before she died, quitting college, spending too much time on this site at times with people who don't care about me (no offense but it's true), having a screen addiction which made me have eye problems, and numerous of others.