Discussion whats wrong with me?

[ScaredCutter]

today went pretty horribly, my actions led to a disaster and yes, it is my fault. i dont want to go down on what it was because, personal and would rather deal with it personally, one on one.

during it i got really upset at myself and made a thread on wanting to die asap within today/this week ive since deleted it cuz im feeling alright now. but in that moment, i was feeling saddness, anger, jealously, guilty, anxious and what not but, after everything calmed down i started to feel fine, like nothing actually happened. idk, i dont understand this behaviour because im not usually quick to get over something esp after a resolve since id usually keep being sad over it and cry out of frustration. its probably nothing anyways but, i just want to get others thoughts on it to understand it.

everything was all within 2-3 hour span i think

i havent seeked professional help since around i think maybe inbetween april-aug (??) ive turned it down because i dont like headspace anyways. last time i saw a psychologist was in 2020, only lasted however many sessions were on the table because she went completely offtopic.

 

[shigure]

I think it's normal to be full of anxiety/regret and want to just disappear after making a huge mistake, hurting loved ones, so on.

Maybe in that moment, our brain doesn't want to think, and wants to do whatever it can to feel better 'NOW'. It tries to fix the problem, and for most of us, we think the problem is us...

To answer your question though, I don't think what you did or felt is wrong, and you've valid in what you felt. You mentioned it's weird that you got over it so quickly? Maybe the post you made and deleted helped you decompress? Or being alone, and crying it out? Or maybe you just needed a bit of time.

At the very least, I'm relieved you're feeling better now. I hope you find a happy resolution for this