IHurtTheOneILove
Experienced
- Dec 16, 2023
- 205
I've been posting sm abt this lol but context is: cheated on gf by kising another girl and asking her for nudes, backed out the same day because I felt awful and shitty, hid info for about a week, person I kissed told my now ex, they broke up with me, life is in shambles
I consulted with a therapist last night who told me that as long as I'm open I change I can become better. She reccomended that I get on meds as I had told her abt my 2 CTB attempts. I was texting my ex last night semi-reminiscing about last summer when I had mentioned I'm gonna probably be prescribed antidepressants.
My ex told me "That solidifes me not wanting to get back together with you. What if you become unrecognizable." I want to get better for myself but obviously for them too. We're past a point of no return in our relationship where we'll most likely be broken up forever. If I do end up getting better what's even the point. The person I love the most doesnt want me back in their life in any capacity, and even if they did they said we would never be the same. I have so much remorse for what occured but it's permanent now and I don't think I can live with that factor. I want to try and get better for myself and those around me but I cant shake this hopeless feeling of being rotten forever. Words spread to other third parties about this so I'm losing friends in my social circle pretty rapidly.
I know I brought this all on my self but seriously this has been the most isolated I think I've ever felt. If I do become better there's going to be no one really to witness that change, I'm relatively young (19) so it's not like I'm gonna run out of time to be better. I just see it useless if I'm forever gonna be seen as this shitty awful person.
I consulted with a therapist last night who told me that as long as I'm open I change I can become better. She reccomended that I get on meds as I had told her abt my 2 CTB attempts. I was texting my ex last night semi-reminiscing about last summer when I had mentioned I'm gonna probably be prescribed antidepressants.
My ex told me "That solidifes me not wanting to get back together with you. What if you become unrecognizable." I want to get better for myself but obviously for them too. We're past a point of no return in our relationship where we'll most likely be broken up forever. If I do end up getting better what's even the point. The person I love the most doesnt want me back in their life in any capacity, and even if they did they said we would never be the same. I have so much remorse for what occured but it's permanent now and I don't think I can live with that factor. I want to try and get better for myself and those around me but I cant shake this hopeless feeling of being rotten forever. Words spread to other third parties about this so I'm losing friends in my social circle pretty rapidly.
I know I brought this all on my self but seriously this has been the most isolated I think I've ever felt. If I do become better there's going to be no one really to witness that change, I'm relatively young (19) so it's not like I'm gonna run out of time to be better. I just see it useless if I'm forever gonna be seen as this shitty awful person.
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