Discussion What's the cruelest/most hurtful thing someone has said to you thats triggered your suicidal intent?

[TAW122]

I cannot pinpoint to exactly one thing, but here are a few that are really took the cake(s).

1) One of my ladyfriends who I met through online has cruelly lashed out at me (misdirected anger) when I haven't done nor said anything wrong. Ever since then, my terms and relations with her have soured.
2) You won't really amount to much in life, and then some other platitudes. I guess in some cases it isn't suifuel inducing, but it depends on the person saying it as well as the person receiving it. I tend to interpret things quite differently than others.

 

[Mizzmini45]

I had so many hurtful things said to me. Especially from my mom. She can go to hell to lol But I don't even care anymore. I would tell all those people just buy me the N. Do me a favor. I'd be happy to be gone. They can kill each other

 

[HelensNepenthe]

I believe one of the earliest moments was when my mother made mention that she should have aborted me. Following up with a comment of how she aborted two previous children.

 

[waterbottleman]

People accusing me of believing in things that I don't, people assuming I have bad intentions when I don't, people assuming I have certain attitudes that I don't, people pretending they can read my mind when they are completely wrong. I hate being stereotyped, boxed, and labeled incorrectly.

It has happened to me my entire life. I have vivid memories of being a kid in elementary school and asking adults questions with completely innocent intentions because I was just curious. Yet I was constantly accused of trying to "stir things up" and having bad intentions. I've been shamed my whole life for being a curious person.

I'm so tired of feeling so alone on this planet where no one cares to listen to what I'm saying. Having autism is a fucking nightmare, no one understands you and virtually everyone misjudges you. There are even people in my direct family who don't understand me, I'm just so tired of it.

It plays a big role in me not talking very much, what's the point when you know people are less interested in listening to you and more interested in labeling you into some overly simplistic category and then judging you for it?

I actually enjoy interacting with people who speak little English more these days, I feel more at home and more accepted being around foreigners. Ironically the interactions I have with them are so much more wholesome precisely because there is a language and cultural barrier, we can just judge each other as individuals.

 

[monotaur]

I could make a list of those, but none really led me to contemplate ctb by itself, it was more like the sum of the niceties I've been said through the years.

Most hurtful probably was my mother telling me as a kid that she gave birth to a monster (hence my avatar, though it's a very cute and dear monster to me).
Second maybe my sister revealing me my father wasn't exactly enthusiastic about my birth (so I guess I'm just thinking of reversing their mistake). Mind, these are people that profess themselves devout and loving and righteous Christians.

I have no idea why my mother said that to me, maybe just because I threw a tantrum, she always said I was an ungrateful child... in hindsight I guess I was just struggling with fitting in school and with other kids since I had undiagnosed autism. And she was severely depressed

I'm so tired of feeling so alone on this planet where no one cares to listen to what I'm saying. Having autism is a fucking nightmare, no one understands you and virtually everyone misjudges you. There are even people in my direct family who don't understand me, I'm just so tired of it.

I so get it, was reading and your experiences seemed so familiar to me, expecially people misinterpreting our intentions and behaviours

 

[helpmehelpme]

I have been spared in this regard. The cruelest things I have said to myself. Today things I've said to myself: I hate myself. I'm a loser. I want to die (over and over). The echo chamber in my mind is the hardest part of this all, along with the self-sabotaging actions I've taken. I am sorry for all of you have been hurt by others. I can only look to myself.

 

[lizinha]

Someone that I'd known in Highschool referred to me as a lost cause and one in middle school who told me I would never get anywhere in the future. It's stucked with me ever since and i've come to believe that that' s the truth. it really hurts

 

[Mizzmini45]

Your grandma is nasty, aren't they suppose to mellow out with age? I guess not huh

I'm scared of my grandma

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

One of my moms many drunken rants, decided to tell me I was nothing but a mistake.

 

[nosirens]

"you're too damaged to love" heard it in 2015 and I still hear everyday in my mind.

 

[Downandout82]

That am to blame for other people's choices and that am unworthy off being loved

 

[porfin1234]

"You're lazy, toxic, behave like a 15 year old, in love with your sadness, it's a miracle you're not a drug addict.. yet"

Narcissist ,that I act like emo goth teen
Students tell me no one likes me
I tried to hand student pencil and she said she doesn't want anything I've touched
That I'm a child
That I just feel sorry for myself

Needless to say I don't have the best reputation as a human being.
Oh well.

 

[sangfroid]

That I'm a loser and would never achieve anything in life, from someone who was one of my only "friends". And they were correct.

 

[BearNoMore]

I've had two previous girlfriends tell me, "You deserve everything that ever happened to you" during arguments. They knew about all my trauma and childhood abuse and struggles. One even told me, "Kill yourself and burn in hell". She was bipolar (as am I) and I know she didn't mean it and was out of control, but it still hurt badly.

Honestly though what has hurt me most? The silence my most girlfriend (I'm not sure if we're even together right now...) has placed on me the past 4-5 days. I don't know what she's thinking or feeling or where we stand. She knows I'm suicidal and close to CTB. Maybe she thinks she can just wait it out. Maybe she is scared to say much. All I've gotten are a few short cryptic cold texts...

Part of me would be probably prefer she said mean things. At least then I'd have finality and closure. The silence is deafening. It is crushing me.

So far? My father telling me my mother should have aborted me when he got her pregnant because he would have had a better life. Oh, I was 11 at the time.

That is terrible and I'm deeply sorry you had to hear that. Especially so young.

I can relate somewhat. When I was 12 my mother told me I was a waste of life, wishes I was never born, that I was worthless, that I would be a loser. She is an alcoholic and was drunk so she repeated them to me over and over so many nights. Those words never left me. I overachieved up until my recent turn probably in part because of that. I constantly engaged with women and had so many partners because I wanted to feel valued

 

[Jessamine]

Someone pointing out self harm scars on me and citing it as a reason to not want to be friends with me.

 

[Mizzmini45]

-After 7 years, didn't it ever bother you that I never asked to marry you?

Someone said that?!?

 

[Inferdan]

I've had a lot of painful words said to me, but one that struck the deepest was when I was with a group of "friends" who had ghosted me, and i went up to confront them. Apparently, there was a rumour going around, and they believed it. I was arguing with them, trying to get them to understand it was false, when one said,
"You think we ever cared you? You really did?"
I just stopped, and I just left. No point talking any further to people who never were my friends. Luckily, I got real ones now, but that hit deep.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

"I'm gay." (Said by my then-fiance)

 

[Moon Flower]

A guy that I'm very much in love with told me when we finally met in person, "Look, you're not that attractive to me in person, you should arrange to go home sooner"
We're still very close friends, but if people imply he might be interested in me he'll routinely tell them "I don't even want anything to do with her" right in front of me.

 

[Morphinekiss]

I've posted this in similar threads, and while it didn't/doesn't trigger my desire to ctb, the implication behind the words does a lot to how I view my self worth which is tied up in my desires to ctb . "You make it impossible to love you long term."

 

[avoid_slow_death]

That is terrible and I'm deeply sorry you had to hear that. Especially so young.

I can relate somewhat. When I was 12 my mother told me I was a waste of life, wishes I was never born, that I was worthless, that I would be a loser. She is an alcoholic and was drunk so she repeated them to me over and over so many nights. Those words never left me. I overachieved up until my recent turn probably in part because of that. I constantly engaged with women and had so many partners because I wanted to feel valued

The worst part about it that still haunts me to this day is they were barely of legal age when my dad accidentally impregnated my mom. I still sort of blame myself for their hard lives raising four children while both working and barely making it. If my dad just would have convinced her maybe their lives WOULD have been better and maybe I wouldn't have met certain people who's lives WOULD have been better had I not existed also. Consider myself a toxic and slow acting poison that eats away at the good in others lives and leaves permanent damage...

 

[Going Home]

Most derogatory and degrading comments have come from people I worked with especially this incompetent Human Resources whore.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

"Homophobe" (I'm actually pansexual)
When this dude thought I had been making out with his friend he told his friend (who is also my friend) that he "could do better than that"
"Ugly"
And just constant harassment and teasing from people

 

[Dante]

I just have a few trigger words mainly disappointed or failure and they don't even have to be in context to me. Aside from those words life has just throw that much painful shot my way words don't hurt like they used to, the only thing that really triggers me now is my own web of depression and anxiety that is woven into my mind and current existence. The constant quick sand that is each day...that's what usually triggers me.