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whats stopping you?
Thread starterfailedmind
Start date
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i was feeling really awful as usual and was thinking of the reasons i havent gone through with it yet. fear of failing is a big one, fear of the otherside, and the guilt of hurting family are the main ones for me.
Reactions:
Lost in a Dream, Macedonian1987, 00ps and 1 other person
Nothing. I don't feel I owe my family anything since I never asked to be born and since if it didn't come to suicide, the rest of the world would say "You owe your adult son nothing and you should kick him out o the streets". I understand they can legally do that but again, I also don't owe them anything.
the biggest one for me is the fear of failure. but, to list a few...
i feel like im super young and i'm throwing away my life; i know it will devastate my friends, family, my partner, and his family; my death might actually ruin my moms career, and she just started college after being a sahm; it will mess up the lease my partner has because i'm on it; my dog will never know (though this one is probably the stupidest one); the methods that are available to me are not comfortable and i want my last moments to be comfortable; i can't figure out my suicide note; i'll miss nature; and i don't want to die alone
Nothing physically. Right now it's a matter of when I have my window. I have some business to take care of.
Since i have my method prepared I've felt more calm and at ease. The desperation and anxiety is fading a bit - but I must say I am a but apprehensive now that it's all here. I mean, dying is kinda scary, I'm no samurai.
No partner, no friends, no job, no hobbies (at least that I enjoy anymore). Completely NEETed out and wasted a lot of time by living a hedonic lifestyle. Time's up.
My parents are the one thing that stopping me from ctb, not SI.
They are still alive. Even thought they never comfort me nor show me love when I'm feeling extremely sad and depressed, I'm still staying in this world just because of them.
I only continue to suffer in this terrible, torturous and dreadful existence as I'm so cruelly denied the option to never suffer ever again, it truly is the most horrific anti-suicide world where humans have made dying painlessly illegal with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what.
I'll just always see existence as the most terrible mistake and all I want is to erase this existence so it's like I never suffered at all, I'll just always prefer the true peace of non-existence over being burdened with this existence so torturous and painful but of course this existence should never be imposed at all.
I only continue to suffer in this terrible, torturous and dreadful existence as I'm so cruelly denied the option to never suffer ever again, it truly is the most horrific anti-suicide world where humans have made dying painlessly illegal with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what.
I'll just always see existence as the most terrible mistake and all I want is to erase this existence so it's like I never suffered at all, I'll just always prefer the true peace of non-existence over being burdened with this existence so torturous and painful but of course this existence should never be imposed at all.
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