What’s stopping you from recovery?

[leftdreaming]

I'm sure this has been asked, but so has everything else so oh well.

For me, I think it's a personality problem. I can't put away my self sabotaging mindset long enough to really get better. Maybe for a moment but it's never enough to make the change.

Also it's so gradual, it never feels like I'm actually improving and I give up.

 

[DurkheimsCat]

I've tried recovering in so many ways, I'm officially all out of options.

 

[magician99]

It's hard to put it into words, but I basically can't imagine myself as any different than how I am right now. I've been depressed and suicidal since 10 years, so I'm afraid of how much of me, is well, me, without all of that stuff. Even if I managed to recover, it would take years, and it would still feel like as if I'm only lying to myself. I can't fake being happy anymore. I don't like the feeling of it at all. I don't want to pretend as if I'm doing okay when I'm not. Living on this planet would still be the same plain old experience even after recovery. That's how I genuinely feel.

 

[iwantdeath6969]

i'm not ever going to get better, and i don't want to keep people around me. it's unfair to others that i was born

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I know the problem I have that causes me depression and CTB thoughts. The base for a recovery would be having success as I had it in the past and the positive feelings that come along with it, to find sth I want to work and live for in my life again, sth that makes my life worth living. Unless I can't change this I'm pretty sure my depression is going to be deeper and deeper and will end up in an even serverer mental illness one day.

What's stopping me is that I don't find anything that can bring me back on track. Sounds easy, for me it's not.

 

[UKscotty]

What does recovery even mean?

You mean being content with being a slave to the system so that 1% can live in obscene luxury?

 

[JustWantOut500]

Chronic illness that's impossible to recover from, and benzo dependency. I just don't have the mental fortitude to get through the withdrawals when I'm already this bad mentally while taking them. There's also the financial element of getting through the withdrawals since it takes so long to taper off this poison.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

What does recovery even mean?

You mean being content with being a slave to the system so that 1% can live in obscene luxury?

^^^^^

 

[sulli]

still living in abuse.
one way or another i'm moving out in the near future and that's the only reason i'm here to tell you this rn to be honest. if plans A-C fall through plan D is CTB

 

[Zero Two]

I dont have freedom. Im a slave of my own thoughts. Ive tried it all but nothing works. I have the most amazing life, at the school of my dreams, doing what I love doing. The best bf ever. A supportive and loving family. Idk whats wrong with me. It just hurts to live.

 

[BlackNails]

I literally wont allow myself
Even when I try, I find a way to break everything I built mentally
But I shit you not people from the outside think I have all my shit together
Plus benzo + sh doesn't help at all

 

[MeltingBrain]

I don't have a choice in the matter. My physical health is declining month by month .

 

[BlackNails]

I don't have a choice in the matter. My physical health is declining month by month .

I feel like I must apologize. Physically I am "perfectly" healthy, my only problems are mental and I cant get over that shit. To those that sit here because of physical conditions, I truly wish I could give you my working body and ask forgiveness for taking for granted what others desperately desire

 

[jonward55]

My debts are going to put me in jail and I can't face it so I have to leave.

 

[telro]

It just hurts to live.

I relate to this because my life is also technically quite amazing. It just seems to me that I'm incompatible with sentience

I already tried to recover and I don't have the energy to try again. Also, the reward for a successful recovery doesn't even feel worth it for me

 

[90starve]

i just don't want to - i don't know why, but i'd rather live in misery until i CTB

 

[outrider567]

There's no recovery from the death of a longtime loved one

 

[leftdreaming]

What does recovery even mean?

You mean being content with being a slave to the system so that 1% can live in obscene luxury?

Good question, wish I knew.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You mean being content with being a slave to the system so that 1% can live in obscene luxury?

I guess this is my actual problem as well! I can fully relate to this!

 

[TiredOrbit]

I've tried everything, every treatment under the sun. I have a LOT of meds prescribed but its just not enough. It reduces my number of suicidal crisis but they're still very present. I don't know why it's not working. I've been in therapy for so long, so many years, yet i can't seem to fix or heal anything. I'm stuck in this health state. I've tried so many things.

 

[yourdaughterinjapan]

There's simply no point. I could have a future - everyone could have a future for the matter of fact, but it's not the future that would satisfy me in the slightest.
I feel like a construct made of mud and sticks that's larping as a human being.

 

[MeltingBrain]

I feel like I must apologize. Physically I am "perfectly" healthy, my only problems are mental and I cant get over that shit. To those that sit here because of physical conditions, I truly wish I could give you my working body and ask forgiveness for taking for granted what others desperately desire

You are a kind person :) .
I have heard mental issues can be just as bad if not worse. Either ways don't beat yourself over who has it worse, it will only make your mental health worse while not helping the other person .
That being said your empathetic nature is appreciable and we need much more of that .

 

[blacktulip44]

it never fucking works. i try and i try and i try but i can never actually do what needs to be done for my life to work. there's been too much pain and now my reaction to everything is just not react and instead be paralysed and unable to help myself. im not sure if this makes any sense, its just that im incapable of fixing myself.

 

[SetMeFree11]

Just my personality.
I'm self destractive and weak

 

[Ineedtodie]

Mental blockages keeps me in a vicious circle.

 

[Kasumi]

Some things, no amount of treatment or therapy can fix.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't think there's such a thing as "recovery". Wanting to die isn't an illness, I think that wanting suicide is a logical response to existing in this world filled with endless potential for harm and suffering, it's just having awareness that existence isn't worth enduring.

And I just don't see the point or appeal to existing in the first place, I don't understand the view that existence is supposedly a desirable state, I only desire the ideal state of non-existence as I see having the ability to exist here as being such a cruel, undeserved punishment. I don't see any benefit to this futile existence, we are all just waiting to die anyway, destined for nothing but to be tortured by old age which is something that disturbs me. I always view it as being preferable to not exist no matter what, for me the only relief lies in permanent nothingness.

 

[MoriLori]

Guess in my case it's a lack of proper help. I've tried recovery a few times and it always failed because the people in charge (doctors, therapists, etc) just didn't know what the hell they were doing. It was either them giving me the wrong medicine that made everything worse, straight up misdiagnosing me, not believing me or treating my problems as a joke. People always say "please seek help if you need it" yeah well most professionals don't even wanna help. They just want their paycheck and have as little work as possible (at least from what I've experienced. I'm curious if some of you had similar cases).

The thing is... I tied multiple times. I really did. I wanted to get better so badly and did everything to make my situation clear to every therapist and doctor I had. It hurts so much to know that the people that are supposed to help you just... don't care either. I just gave up trying.

 

[mutebaker]

i think im just out of options and too weak

 

[blue_muse]

Committed to recovery, weekly Counselling sessions, when I was legally classed as a child of my own accord following an impulsive attempt. Had a great rapport with the Counsellor and planned on attending the venue until the maximum age-limit. Alas, the Counsellor's career began to blossom that meant starting from scratch with a different person and so I no longer attended.

When my physical health's concerned, I've tried herbal and cosmetic procedures to lessen the symptoms. All temporary and expensive.

I won't be dictated to, not directed at any members, that I must take responsibility when I've done so without the help of health professionals.