Discussion What’s stopping you from ctb?

[wisp]

My dog, I know that if I died no one would take care of it, sooner or later they would give it away to some other family or it would be abandoned. The idea destroys me, I only live for my dog

 

[cosmic-freedom]

Been too tired to plan it all out.That's what is holding me back.

 

[progirlfailure]

Every time I lose all motivation, a new event in my life that I really wanna experience pops up and I feel pressured to wait it out and then it repeats over and over again

 

[BardBarrie]

Primarily the trauma of the process of CBT.
Next is trying to find the least inconsiderate (for family) date to go.

"Because i don't have the right tools in the shed".
Why do we have to suffer on our way out? That is ludacris, if the possibility for a peaceful exit is there.

There is one surefire method, that i know works, and there is no backing out of if done right. Drowning.
But i know how peaceful barbiturates are, and how peaceful an opiod/opiate are. So why not feel good, when leaving this world.
So i am searching for the last tools, so i can finish the job.

But living in the western world, trust me.. We don't have access to many methods. A gun to the head, would be pain free. But US is the only country, where it can be done legally. And you are stock with your passport.

If i lived in the UK, i would have no problem whatsoever getting the right tools. But sadly i don't know anyone from the UK, that can help me with the things i need. Scandinavia is probably one of the worst countries in the world, if we are talking about sourcing for methods.

What tools would you use if you were in the UK?

 

[juna]

I live with a roommate currently. That stops me from ctb because I don't want to emotionally scar someone. I will hopefully do it after I move into an apartment alone soon. Also, not having SN stops me too. I will have to do more research on getting it. Fingers crossed.

 

[Unhumanly.]

The countdown isn't here yet

 

[notevenhere]

The combination of all the pills I would need + SN. where would I even find SN without using the dark market? And I'm broke. I'd need prescription for benzos and antienemic. On top of that, I've already attempted multiple times and they had it with me, so I'm banned from having smokes, razors or alcohol. Not much freedom here. They have glossed over my rope and I have a rod to hang my clothes here in the small bedroom of mine, so. :)

 

[grungy自殺]

It's simply, my reasoning for doing it.

I won't do it unless i leave something major behind that was, the reason why i did it.

And also because, it's not the time, until much later.

 

[AnHeroTransGirl]

The fact that I have unfinished business in regards to those I hate.

 

[J&L383]

It requires a definitive leap of faith. Unfortunately I've always had trouble making decisions and this being the last decision of my life understandably makes it the hardest decision. I know I'll die someday, somehow, and the question is, do I want to die on my terms or let fate take its toll? There is comfort knowing that I have the power to call it as I wish.

 

[Umacon]

Ι have SN and the hole regime (meto, domperidone, paracetamol, Xanax) ready. But the fear of failure is overwhelming for now. I hope to get over it soon and complete my plan.

 

[henry22]

All I have to OD on is 60g of propranolol, alcohol, and ondansetron. I could get more propranolol. It's stopping me from CTB bc I don't know how painful it will be. I read one person saying that they just passed out.

 

[Final_Choice]

I need to disappear and get everything in order first so that my death does as little damage as possible. Don't really fear death or failure, so long as I have enough autonomy to try again if I fail then I'll just try again. If I don't, then I'll die of starvation or something as my plan includes doing it somewhere such that no one will find me for an extended period of time.

 

[gazap]

MAID is an option for foreigners in Belgium, for physical and mental disorders. Pegasus in Switzerland probably assist everybody who pays

Welcome to Pegasos – Pegasos Swiss Association

pegasos-association.com

I was considering Switzerland (dignitas). I guess i can be seen as one of the lucky ones in the sense thay i have a terminal disease and should get accepted. The only downside is the logistics of it. In total it will cost me 14,000 pounds. I'm almost in a wheelchair, so making it over there is difficult. I ll need to plan three months in advance to get the green light. Due to my illness, i lose a little bit more of my function every month, so i need to time it perfectly. If i lose the ability to use my hands before i get to Switzerland, then i won't be able to administer the cocktail and I'll lose my opportunity. I can't bring any family members with me as they may face prosecution on their return to the UK. How shitty is that!? So the downside is that I'll die in a foreign land, on my own. I adore my mum, and i know that her not being there for my final moments will break her heart.

This is why I'm looking at other methods. Death in the next few months is an inevitability, the only difference is how i go. I'm currently looking at full suspension as my number one option. At least this way she'll be able to bury her son. They cremate in dignitas

 

[HereTomorrow]

Right now? Friends. Also afraid of failed attempt.

I'd rather live a horrid lifetime of trauma rather then paralyzed, more brain damaged, and shame.
It's miserable being here but it can be so much worse.

I love my friends dearly, some survived CTB thoughts, they look at me as the humble weirdo that brings everyone together. They've been my true prevention, otherwise I'd actually attempt by now, despite fear of failure.

 

[fuzzy-clown]

I'm stuck here because of other people.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

at this point i honestly didn't know

i feel like the end is near

 

[kfad95]

MAID is an option for foreigners in Belgium, for physical and mental disorders. Pegasus in Switzerland probably assist everybody who pays

Welcome to Pegasos – Pegasos Swiss Association

pegasos-association.com

I reached out to peagasus and they originally emailed back asking what my condition was and when I said damage from medications they didn't email back

 

[strangelife]

I was considering Switzerland (dignitas). I guess i can be seen as one of the lucky ones in the sense thay i have a terminal disease and should get accepted. The only downside is the logistics of it. In total it will cost me 14,000 pounds. I'm almost in a wheelchair, so making it over there is difficult. I ll need to plan three months in advance to get the green light. Due to my illness, i lose a little bit more of my function every month, so i need to time it perfectly. If i lose the ability to use my hands before i get to Switzerland, then i won't be able to administer the cocktail and I'll lose my opportunity. I can't bring any family members with me as they may face prosecution on their return to the UK. How shitty is that!? So the downside is that I'll die in a foreign land, on my own. I adore my mum, and i know that her not being there for my final moments will break her heart.

This is why I'm looking at other methods. Death in the next few months is an inevitability, the only difference is how i go. I'm currently looking at full suspension as my number one option. At least this way she'll be able to bury her son. They cremate in dignitas

I am very sorry for you, I understand you, I also have difficulty walking, how old are you? Do your loved ones already know about your thoughts of suicide?

 

[kfad95]

Because drowning in the sea at night takes a lot of guts. I will be going through with it this year or the year after this one. Just have to pluck up the courage.

Yeah drowning would but it looks like a good option with the rough seas where I live. But the Si would be huge I think

 

[cursedbynature64]

I can't bring any family members with me as they may face prosecution on their return to the UK

Thats an absolutely horrible thing for them to do. My greatest sympathies go out to you

 

[strangelife]

I reached out to peagasus and they originally emailed back asking what my condition was and when I said damage from medications they didn't email back

I think you need deeply explain what kind of damage and ping them.

 

[Ww42]

Just tying up loose ends and making sure finances are in order before I leave

 

[kfad95]

for me im scared of failing, i plan to ctb via firearm and i really dont wanna fail because i know how mentally and physically traumatic the after math could be if i survive... i also fear that if gods real that i would be punished for it despite the fact that ive given life so many chances and i just want to finally rest without a single worry. im contemplating on doing it soon, sometime before april 18th, im trying my best to just force myself to do it because im such a wuss

What country are you in and do you all ready have access to a firearm?

 

[gazap]

Thats an absolutely horrible thing for them to do. My greatest sympathies go out to you

thank you. I know its shameful. The UK is suppose to be progressive, it's nothing more than a joke

 

[goodSmelly]

I have a piece of writing I want to finish. it's a memoir. It's a little under halfway done with 37732 words currently.

Maybe once i finish it won't feel the need to ctb, however, as it stands currently I have every intention to ctb the day it's finished and sent to the relevant people.

 

[FarAcrossTheWater]

I'm a stubborn fucking bastard and I want to have some fun before I decide to kill myself. Fuck life. If there is a God out there he sure hates people.

 

[schizochicken]

Simply put, SI is the only reason I am still here. Its very very strong. I've had numerous attempts, with different methods (hanging, bridge jumping, and SN) and SI has prevailed each time. It's frustrating to say the least.

 

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

The rapidly fading hope that things may get better. My brain knows it's a futile hope, but something in my heart has stopped me in the past. Not for much longer.

 

[executioner1983]

I'm trying to milk the world for all the pleasure it has to offer, but I know this isn't sustainable and the time will come when the cost will outweigh the benefits. That's when I'll finally go, but for now, I'm just trying to indulge in everything I can possibly get my hands on.