whats stopping u?

[ayla]

first of all, i just want to say that i'm really sorry that you're suffering with an eating disorder. i've also been there and it was genuinely unbearable. i'm sure you know this already, but the thing with eating disorders (or at least restrictive ones) is that it usually just gives you a false sense of control, especially when it comes to meeting a goal weight. what i mean by this is that i don't think it's possible for anyone to be completely satisfied with it and you'll always want to do more. i know what it's like and it's truly heartbreaking to know that countless other people are going through the same. i'd never even wish this on upon my worst enemy. my heart goes out to you <3

as for my own personal reason, i have a story concept that's been stuck in my head for over 2 years and i've been working on it and getting better at art so i can draw it out. it only started as a way for me to kill time because i have a lot of fun doing it, despite me knowing that it'll go absolutely nowhere. for some reason, i feel as if a part of me sees potential in it but i'm not a good enough artist or writer so it's just meaningless. it's stupid really.

thank u sm for ur words, u perfectly described what i havent been able to for so long omg

i hope and would love to be here long enough to see ur concept :) good luck!

 

[PhDone]

1. Fear of the pain of the method, and potential failure
2. Possibility of VAD, though just seems too far out
3. Mum, she will hurt so bad and is alone and senior
4. Cats, all three are rescues, I promised them a safe, secure and loving life. I feel like an utter failure here.
5. Finalising affairs

But, I am sick and cannot live like this so…….I hope and pray for courage and for whatever angels, guides, passed loved ones, God, Brahma, Dao, Universe to step in and carry me home. Its time and want to come home now.

 

[EgoBrained]

The main reason is thinking about how much sorrow I would bring upon my family, without them I would've already been gone years ago.
I also fear that if reincarnation were to be real, I would most probably end up living a life that is even worse objectively.

 

[We Are Angels]

Fear of afterlife and reincarnation

 

[divinemistress36]

fear of failure and pain. No energy to plan

 

[Chaos_Contingency]

Survival instinct. If I could overcome it, I would have killed myself long ago.

 

[purplesky9]

Not having access to SN. I've already attempted hanging but was too scared off feeling pain to fully go through with it.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

The biggest reason is because I don't want the person to find me to be someone I know, so I'm kind of just waiting for a good opportunity to do it. Maybe when I move out or something.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Guilt, obligation, fear- in that order.

I feel guilty about what I suspect it would do to my Dad in particular. I feel obliged to stay for him. I also feel obligations towards work. Once those are no longer stopping me, I worry that fear of failing an attempt, fear of pain, fear of fear during an attempt may hold me back too.

 

[Natanael]

there are people who depend on me

 

[Hana68]

I don't have all the things ready yet (i'm planning SN) and i should say "goodbye" to my two friends but i don't believe they care
i will do it in January in my old house, i hope i'll be set free

 

[AwakeTooLong]

Although it's not truly stopping me, I have the common fear of experiencing a failed attempt. I know I could not bear to see my loved ones if I failed.

Also since I plan on CTB via SN, I have a minor fear of throwing up. I've always hated vomiting.

 

[coffeebeany]

Although it's not truly stopping me, I have the common fear of experiencing a failed attempt. I know I could not bear to see my loved ones if I failed.

Also since I plan on CTB via SN, I have a minor fear of throwing up. I've always hated vomiting.

Do you have an antiemetic? This should prevent you from throwing up

 

[AwakeTooLong]

I don't have all the things ready yet (i'm planning SN) and i should say "goodbye" to my two friends but i don't believe they care
i will do it in January in my old house, i hope i'll be set free

How are you sourcing the SN (and/or the antiemetics)?

Do you have an antiemetic? This should prevent you from throwing up

Yes, I've ordered meto but that's not a guarantee. There have been many instances of people still vomiting despite taking antiemetics before hand, stat or regimen.

 

[Hana68]

How are you sourcing the SN (and/or the antiemetics)?

i ordered the SN from DMC, and i'll research if risperidone works as an antiemetic but i don't think it does, i'll get an alternative but i'm having a bit of trouble, if you know of one let me know

 

[coffeebeany]

My beloved friends and partner. It is horrible. We still make plans and plan activities, vacations etc. knowing very well that I might not even be there. I feel so fake sometimes. My partner is so kind and loves me so much. It is heartbreaking when I receive a text from him in which he tells me how much he loves me and cares. Even today we were talking about the growth he feels like he's experienced within the last 13 years since we met. And he was thanking me for being such a good influence and that he loves me. I wanted to cry and scream. I m living with my best friend at the moment and we had a conversation yesterday where she told me how excited she was for our next trips in December. It is awful when I think about how much I will hurt them and how fake I am because I keep these things to myself.

How are you sourcing the SN (and/or the antiemetics)?

Yes, I've ordered meto but that's not a guarantee. There have been many instances of people still vomiting despite taking antiemetics before hand, stat or regimen.

oh no, i didn't know that. I also have meto. I was hoping to avoid that :-( now I understand your fear of vomiting.

 

[AwakeTooLong]

i ordered the SN from DMC, and i'll research if risperidone works as an antiemetic but i don't think it does, i'll get an alternative but i'm having a bit of trouble, if you know of one let me know

AFAIK, risperidone does inhibit dopamine but it's not classified as an antiemetic as it's not potent enough. I personally went with metoclopramide, which is what's commonly recommended as the go-to antiemetic.

I had to fraud a prescription to get my hands on some.

 

[JustAnx]

Anxiety. Towards everything: Getting what i would need to do it (wouldn't be brave enough to try a non mostly peaceful method). Anxiety towards failing. Anxiety towards the unknown (the big blackout).

And SI.

 

[forgottenfantasywrt]

I've done the best I can in this life and I know that if there is some entity out there who would even care enough to listen to me something must be done to right this wrong and if such doesn't happen we clearly must be alone as a species, simple as that.

There is no way to solve this issue myself, it is completely and utterly out of my hands and I don't even know if my ex-wife is still alive but it's been a year and a half and the last time we talked she was addled out of her mind on drugs.

To hell with everyone else in our lives who just made things worse, my family and friends told me to leave her when she was at her lowest because "I can do better" and her family and friends did the same towards her with the addition of meth.

Your post is relatable as heck, i think hope is the only reason I'm hanging on too lmao. I'm sitting here waiting for a girl who I'm not even sure ever loved me back, ignoring friends and family who've told me "i deserve better," and praying nearly every night i get my chance with her. I feel so pathetic for even struggling with this. Even though everyone tells me she's a red flag, i don't want to condemn her to a life of being abused…

But also just like you said, it's all out of our hands. There are decisions only she can make and all we can do is sit here and pray that they decide to love us again.

I really really hope she comes back to you. I've heard "you'll never meet the same person twice, not even in the same person," but i think that's a good thing. Because the person who hurt you is gone, and someone who's grown and learned from it is left in their place.

I'm not sure what the point of life is when we're separated from our partners, but all we can do is hang on for a bit longer to see if it'll all work out.

 

[BlendedHeart]

SI, fear of pain or ending in a worse situation. I've gone past the point of "hurting my loved ones". I'm sure my mother will understand if I do it, and I don't really care about the rest of my family or my former acquaintances, since they don't give a fuck about me anymore. I hope there's no funeral or any chance for them to be hypocrites, trying to show they care after I die.

 

[norain]

the fact that I still haven't found the method