Venting What's keeping you from killing yourself?

[kleeni p]

Gang shit mostly just going hard in the paint

 

[_apathetic]

I'm afraid of uncertainty. Honestly, I'm not sure what I face after I die, think consciousness is purely a biochemical reaction in the brain and once you die, a "you" disappears.

But still, I'm not really sure. I'd be happy if someone convinced me that there's no such thing as hell, reincarnation, or any other stupid thing.

 

[SamTam33]

That does sound tricky. But I admire that with more time you'd be 100% sure and could jump in peace!! How can I get there?! As someone considering jumping, I'm desperate!

I haven't ctb for all the typical reasons- fear of failure/pain, SI, accessibility of certain methods, etc. it's a horrible feeling to want relief so badly but feel so many obstacles in the way!

I forgot to ask-if you don't mind- how high is your bridge? Are you scared of pain upon landing/drowning?

Hey, the bridge is only about 60 feet above the water. I'm not afraid of the pain when landing, though.

I can't imagine any pain being worse than the pain of waking up. So many times I've awoken without opening my eyes and start crying because I know I'm still alive.

My legs wobble as I swing them over the side of the bed and try to stand up. They wobble with fear. I sit there and try to find the will to rise and face the world yet again.

There's a certain kind of pain when you force your facial muscles to smile when there is absolutely nothing to smile about.

There's an ache when the garage door slowly rises and the sun pours in because you have to go be in the world. Because you have to be somewhere you don't want to be.

Nothing could possibly hurt me more than having to walk through this world as me.

Pain is a part of my DNA at this point.

 

[BlockHammer]

Still eager to prove my worth before commiting ctb, and also ctb took a lot of time to research and also overcoming SI gonna be hell of a fight

 

[figcitylightscookie]

I don't have the tools to do it yet.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Nothing. Just a little bit more time and effort on the other side.

 

[nood11]

My method is gunshot to the head. So here are my three hangups that keep me from doing it.
1. What will it be like to shoot myself in the head and die that way?
2. What if I fail and am left a severe vegetable?
3. What awaits me beyond the grave? Is it something better, something worse, or nothing?

 

[almondmilk]

the fact that there is no method with little to no pain

 

[wait.what]

Cowardice. I don't want to upset my family, either.

 

[Lostindespair3]

Hey, the bridge is only about 60 feet above the water. I'm not afraid of the pain when landing, though.

I can't imagine any pain being worse than the pain of waking up. So many times I've awoken without opening my eyes and start crying because I know I'm still alive.

My legs wobble as I swing them over the side of the bed and try to stand up. They wobble with fear. I sit there and try to find the will to rise and face the world yet again.

There's a certain kind of pain when you force your facial muscles to smile when there is absolutely nothing to smile about.

There's an ache when the garage door slowly rises and the sun pours in because you have to go be in the world. Because you have to be somewhere you don't want to be.

Nothing could possibly hurt me more than having to walk through this world as me.

Pain is a part of my DNA at this point.

Very well said…yes, existing is so often excruciating.

 

[Sylveon]

Lack of any accessible methods...

 

[TimetoGo!]

privacy and location

Same……getting that period of time alone is very difficult

 

[LikeAPendulum]

Last minute doubts as seen in my past attempts, and a hedonistic pursuit as I live a life adrift and aimless.

 

[Teleftaía Anapnoí]

i have everything prepared. But SI is harsh to overcome. And also i dont have a place, i dont want to my wife finds me. Also i need to be alone.

 

[real person]

If anybody here has SN but isn't using it because of SI please pm me your source

 

[wobblycoatrack]

Fear of what comes after, like what if death ends up being worse than living.

Not wanting to hurt my mum, she's a single mum who's raised me by herself all her life and I'm her only child, I think it would completely destroy her if I died and especially if it was sui.

Also my friends, I would never want to put them that despite often feeling like they would be happier and better off without me, logically ik that they do really care about me and I don't want to hurt them.

Other than my mum the other main one is wanting to feel like I've done something with my life, I want to recover and heal and enjoy life without the intense anxiety, depression, insanely low self worth and SI. I want to live a happy life it's just sometimes all too much to handle. I don't want to die, I just want the pain and constant emotional turmoil to stop but I'm working hard on recovery even though it's incredibly difficult sometimes

 

[just dave]

My animals need me and it's been a really tough year on my wife who is so resilient with everything that gets thrown her way.

There's an ebb and flow to it though. I need to be 100% sure that it's the decision that's right for me. I have major health problems. Both mental and physical and there's hope it can change. When the hope is lost, so I will be.

 

[Unattainable666]

Fear of failure

 

[kissa]

SI and not wanting to cause hurt to people around me, especially family since i feel like they've gone through a lot recently

 

[aldennn]

Does anyone know ....I think in Denmark it's legal physician suicide ..can we go to Denmark and have a physician kill us ....I just fear going through with it and then I am found ....I want a method that makes me dead

 

[maddog58]

Honestly my boyfriend and my dog. They both mean so much to me, so the thought of leaving them behind holds me back.

 

[Celerity]

Right now, the first thing to come to mind is my family. Realistically, fear plays an outsized role.