Venting What's keeping you from killing yourself?

[Torabol]

What's keeping you from killing yourself?

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Difficulty in overcoming survival instinct, in addition to not wanting my parents to outlive me.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I'd say a mixture of things.

One of them being a bit of si as im sure will be repeated a few times but mainly, just the fear and concern that I may not ctb despite putting so much effort into learning about my chosen methods I'm ultimately worried that what if I go for it but then I don't ctb despite planning as well as I did and getting everything necessary in order to do it. The thought of all that being for absolutely nothing and then having to live with the sheer humiliation internally of a failed attempt that I absolutely did not want the end result to be, ive learnt how deadly my method can be to my heart condition compared to someone doesn't have it so to not ctb after all that would absolutely crush everything in me . I'm still quite sure I want to ctb more than not but if I were not to ctb and walk away from it then it would be out of perpetual fear driving me away, not because I've finally found a good reason to stay around in this fucked up world and happily live out decades in a 3rd world cesspool while pointlessly suffering from one problem to the next until I finally draw my last breath.

 

[_Broken_alice]

Not wanting to put our chosen-mom and partners through that pain... Fear of another failure, as unlikely as it would be with our chosen method. That's it. Our SI is remarkably low and has been for a long time. If not for them in our life, we would have been gone within hours of breaking earlier this year. We live for others for now so that hopefully one day, we can live for ourselves. Or at the least, find a way to help enough people so we can feel like our life had some meaningful impact thus making it worth it.

 

[until death]

I want to experience GTA 6

 

[WhiteRabbit]

My spouse, hope that my illnesses and pain can improve, fear.

 

[Andrew10]

I have no fucking idea.

But sooner or later I will

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm only still trapped here as in my case all the suicide methods are either inaccessible or risky, it's horrible how we cannot just have the option to easily cease existing in peace when we wish to. It really shouldn't be so unnecessarily difficult for us to die on our own terms, I despise how this society is so anti-suicide despite the fact that this world is filled with endless suffering.

 

[f1f7y8yoL053r]

I still have a roof over my head, food, water and a little money.

 

[UKscotty]

SI and cowardice is the only reason I can come up with.

I live in a country with almost all methods except guns easily accessible, and a society that is more and more open to suicide by the year. Infact it was in the media that the government is looking at legal suicide again as society wants it.

 

[gu1klh]

probably the fact that i know that there will be better times. the fact that i know that i dont want my life to end but the suffering. i want to live and experience all those nice things i had in my head, but i dont want to suffer anymore. i hate this. i hate moments like these where i feel so hopeless that i come here to distract myself from reality a bit and talk to people who understand what it feels like and dont just judge and tell you to not do it. that also keeps me from doing it every time.

And i honestly dont have any idea how to do it. i got nothing, no drugs, no guns, no nothing. perhaps just train tracks but id have to get out of the house first and my parents wouldnt let me. so basically im clueless and still want to live, i just want the suffering to end

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Laziness, survival instinct and fear of the consequences of a failed suicide attempt. But especially laziness

 

[idkrat]

mostly because after major depressive episodes i feel overall well. I'm waiting to be 100% in a bad state.
Also laziness ig.

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

1) Courage to do so. No lie, I'm pretty scared of the whole process and whatever comes after death.
2) Husband. We share a business together and I fear that the minute I go, the money goes. I want to make sure he has some money to survive for a bit (we currently have no savings).

 

[numbed one]

Death pain

 

[SamTam33]

Like others have said, the fear of failure. My method is to jump off a bridge into a lake but I have to be swift. The bridge is not that long.

I need a moment to gulp some alcohol before I do it and there's a spot to pull over at the start of the bridge but I checked the water levels there and it's only 2 - 8 feet.

I need to drive to the middle where the depths are 25 - 30 feet. But there's nowhere to pull over in the middle.

So I'd need to put the car in park, hop out and over in one fell swoop.

I don't have any faith that I can do it that quickly. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I had 20 - 30 minutes with myself and my thoughts- I could jump in complete peace and with 100% certainty.

It's how I'm made. If I try to rush it, I will fuck it up. Shoe will get stuck on the railing. A bug will fly into my mouth and I'll become discombobulated lol. Any hesitation and I fear someone will try to thwart my efforts.

It's a bridge smack dab in the middle of a metro area. I check the traffic cams often and the slowest times are Sunday and Tuesday nights. But it's still too busy to pull it off unless I move expeditiously.

 

[zanahori]

i dont know

 

[jbear824]

SI, I can't afford materials. Way too afraid of pain. And not wanting to abandon my partner.

 

[underscore_nine]

What's keeping you from killing yourself?

i don't have my SN or anti medic yet

 

[kcatchesthebus]

I absolutely cannot find the materials needed for my method of choice… the method I picked because it is most fitting to my situation and won't be effected by my strong survival instict

 

[Ilovedyoulikeadog]

I'm completely ready other than the fact that I can not find SN. I just want out. I want to be free. I can't even get SN.

 

[winamp]

privacy and location

 

[Petrichor]

What's keeping you from killing yourself?

the resources required are inaccessible at the moment, fear of failure (mostly do not want to see family/friends in pain after a failed attempt) and probably location, if possible I'd want to move countries, drop contact with family and friends and then commit so I've got nothing to lose and it will hurt them less as they wont know.

 

[boddibo]

the methods accessible for me are too risky, so fear of failure
and sometimes i still have hope everything can be better for me

 

[cold_severance]

adhd. theres not enough direct motivation to cbt, cause im pretty much isolated and most of my si is cause of other people. ive been alone for most of my life, so loneliness is just not enough unfortunately. so i booked a therapy session, since they generally help with motivation part. no one else would sit and shit at you for like an hour straight.

 

[Lostindespair3]

Like others have said, the fear of failure. My method is to jump off a bridge into a lake but I have to be swift. The bridge is not that long.

I need a moment to gulp some alcohol before I do it and there's a spot to pull over at the start of the bridge but I checked the water levels there and it's only 2 - 8 feet.

I need to drive to the middle where the depths are 25 - 30 feet. But there's nowhere to pull over in the middle.

So I'd need to put the car in park, hop out and over in one fell swoop.

I don't have any faith that I can do it that quickly. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I had 20 - 30 minutes with myself and my thoughts- I could jump in complete peace and with 100% certainty.

It's how I'm made. If I try to rush it, I will fuck it up. Shoe will get stuck on the railing. A bug will fly into my mouth and I'll become discombobulated lol. Any hesitation and I fear someone will try to thwart my efforts.

It's a bridge smack dab in the middle of a metro area. I check the traffic cams often and the slowest times are Sunday and Tuesday nights. But it's still too busy to pull it off unless I move expeditiously.

That does sound tricky. But I admire that with more time you'd be 100% sure and could jump in peace!! How can I get there?! As someone considering jumping, I'm desperate!

I haven't ctb for all the typical reasons- fear of failure/pain, SI, accessibility of certain methods, etc. it's a horrible feeling to want relief so badly but feel so many obstacles in the way!

Like others have said, the fear of failure. My method is to jump off a bridge into a lake but I have to be swift. The bridge is not that long.

I need a moment to gulp some alcohol before I do it and there's a spot to pull over at the start of the bridge but I checked the water levels there and it's only 2 - 8 feet.

I need to drive to the middle where the depths are 25 - 30 feet. But there's nowhere to pull over in the middle.

So I'd need to put the car in park, hop out and over in one fell swoop.

I don't have any faith that I can do it that quickly. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I had 20 - 30 minutes with myself and my thoughts- I could jump in complete peace and with 100% certainty.

It's how I'm made. If I try to rush it, I will fuck it up. Shoe will get stuck on the railing. A bug will fly into my mouth and I'll become discombobulated lol. Any hesitation and I fear someone will try to thwart my efforts.

It's a bridge smack dab in the middle of a metro area. I check the traffic cams often and the slowest times are Sunday and Tuesday nights. But it's still too busy to pull it off unless I move expeditiously.

I forgot to ask-if you don't mind- how high is your bridge? Are you scared of pain upon landing/drowning?

 

[notherenotnow]

I want to overdose, but i dont have anything to iverdose on yet. Until I get at least something like sn, i wont do it. If i had a gun in front of me i wouldnt do it yet. I want to die peacefully.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Cost.
It turns out to CTB the way I want to is a bit on the expensive side.

 

[ThanatosFindMe]

I think if I had the materials on hand, I'd have done it already. But most of the time I feel well enough, just melancholy and bored. When I get really bad, I come here and read about exit bags and think about buying what I need. But the feeling usually passes in a week or two and I'm back to normal... Which for me appears to be not wanting to live exactly because I can't see much point in it, but also not wanting to put my family through losing me like that.

 

[CheekyPhobia]

A bit of SI but more so indecisiveness about whether thats what i wanted to do. I'm pretty certain about it now though and i think I'll be leaving sometime soon.