What's keeping you alive?

[m1v]

What is still keeping you alive today? We surely must all have at least one reason. I think most of the people's reasons are slowly fading away and even disappearing. Which is why they happen to be there.

I had 2 reasons, one of them is almost completely gone. I'm basically holding onto a thread.

 

[timetodie24]

At the moment it's just trying to find a reliable method that I have the guts to go through with. I know I can take poison/overdose as I have before. So really hoping to source SN but in the UK that's looking near impossible at the moment.

 

[VioletNight]

Family and people that depend on me, without that maybe new video games that I want to play

 

[FuneralCry]

I've mentioned this many times but only the difficulty and inaccessibility of suicide keeps me here, I think that suicide is especially difficult if one exists in the UK, it's such a pro life country. And sadly if someone doesn't ctb then they have no choice but to continue existing, I'm always tired of being trapped here and I'm very much aware of how it's preferable to leave this hellish world as there is nothing to be gained by enduring this futile process, but unfortunately I'm still here for now.

 

[jessisme]

Lack of antiemetics and benzos to ctb with SN properly. I have the SN which I find was easiest to come by. That and not wanting to leave my mother behind to grow old completely alone. Also fear of the unknown as to the ctb process with SN. I am afraid of suffering while I lay there helpless, knowing that I am dying and experiencing my body as it is shutting down. I don't think SI will be a problem as I have attempted several times before. I'm just concerned about this particular method and the pain and terror it might bring. I'm also worried about whether or not it would be effective so, it's a lot holding me back.

 

[goodbye_._]

It's my sisters birthday today. I don't want this day to be about me. It's her day.

 

[Jezzibell]

Whats keeping me alive is simply lack of sn

 

[leanwimp67]

My brother ( best friend) and my dads and moms

 

[Shy_Shay]

maybe the world will end before i even try to kill myself, or maybe i still hope some fuck up voodoo will make my life any better... nah, simple is just my mother and even that kind of patience is running out

 

[TAW122]

I'm long overdue for CTB, and I've suffered more than I should have. There are many times in the last few years how I oftenly regret not CTB'ing in 2019... To be honest, I wouldn't have missed much at all, the pandemic, the changing world, and other uncanny personal experiences. I lack the means and timing isn't right, yet. But I aim to hopefully go in 2023 if not very early 2024. I certainly don't wish to see further suffering and gamble with the non-realistic chance of "getting better", nor am I interested in "coping" for decades to come.

 

[Candle in the wind]

Надеюсь найти "волшебную таблетку" от депрессии и тревоги, которую ищу уже 12 лет) а также свою собаку, и свою кошку...:ау:

Надеюсь найти "волшебную таблетку" от депрессии и депрессии, которую ищу уже 12 лет) а также свою собаку, и свою кошку...:ау:

И 3 неудачные попытки суицида

 

[No_Lxve]

I plan to finish college to see if my life at least gets somewhat better, I promised that if I ever fail (which I'm literally at the point of failing)

that I would off myself. (Probably cutting)

I guess I will have to do that since I have no motivation to even wake up and get up in the morning to even go to school.

 

[Kerock]

What is still keeping you alive today? We surely must all have at least one reason. I think most of the people's reasons are slowly fading away and even disappearing. Which is why they happen to be there.

I had 2 reasons, one of them is almost completely gone. I'm basically holding onto a thread.

Ego and spite is what makes me keep moving. Fear of death is what is preventing me from going through right now. Once I have achieved which I have sought out to achieve, I'm gonna end it. Hopefully by then my inhibitions and hesitance will be gone.

 

[Chloe3]

Survival instincts and my favorite person

Literally same! I just cant leave my favorite person alone in this shitty world.. Also some of the voices in my head don't want me to do it, then again others do even more so dunno if that counts hihi

 

[m1v]

maybe the world will end before i even try to kill myself, or maybe i still hope some fuck up voodoo will make my life any better... nah, simple is just my mother and even that kind of patience is running out

That's a good one lol. Me too.

It's my sisters birthday today. I don't want this day to be about me. It's her day.

happy birthday to her, it might not be your day today, but it'll surely come, it can even be tomorrow.

I'm long overdue for CTB, and I've suffered more than I should have. There are many times in the last few years how I oftenly regret not CTB'ing in 2019... To be honest, I wouldn't have missed much at all, the pandemic, the changing world, and other uncanny personal experiences. I lack the means and timing isn't right, yet. But I aim to hopefully go in 2023 if not very early 2024. I certainly don't wish to see further suffering and gamble with the non-realistic chance of "getting better", nor am I interested in "coping" for decades to come.

I think you'll know right away when the time comes, rushing has never been the answer, death will 'naturally' find you. I hope you the find peace you deserve. :)

Ps: I've read every single answer, they're all well-thought-out. I appreciate everyone's input. Thanks.

 

[lazycat3719]

my family is dependent on my income currently cuz my mom got sick and hasn't been working for 4 years. and she'd probably ctb right after me.

 

[warriorofeld]

Hopeful for things to get better and not go the way i think they will but I always have an exit strategy no matter the situation and ctb is one of them..

 

[SatouR]

Lost my hope and motivation years ago.
The one thing that's still keeping me going is spending my time with the few friends I still have, but even those are slowly distancing themselves from me.
I don't care about my family anymore due to all the abuse I suffered through.
I was never able to talk to anyone about my problems.
The only exception is a girl I met a few years ago with similar problems.
She is the only person I am comfortable talking to and spending time with her is the only thing that makes me happy.
I don't even know if we are close friends but she is the only person I ever loved.
We used to spend a lot of time together but we rarely even talked in the last few months.
I am thinking about telling her my ctb plans.

 

[battlaxx]

What is still keeping you alive today? We surely must all have at least one reason. I think most of the people's reasons are slowly fading away and even disappearing. Which is why they happen to be there.

I had 2 reasons, one of them is almost completely gone. I'm basically holding onto a thread.

im too cowardly to go through with it

 

[palesky]

i dont have a good method. if i did i'd be long gone

 

[persuasion]

The fear of failing suicide and ending up as an invalid and also living with the regrets of even failing suicide after failing everything else in life likewise.

 

[jruo]

My little dog is what keeps me from doing a completely unhinged CTB method ASAP.

 

[noonipie]

for me the main things are my dad and my religion. on days when im doing better i do manage to remember that i'd really like to have a family or at least see if things could get better.

family. they'd care if I ctb'd. it's the only reason I'm still around.
I honestly believe my parents care enough to raise me well but it doesn't really change the fact that this world's a dystopia. all I can really do is distract myself as much as possible.

i'm glad you have people who care about you

 

[DazaiKinnie]

What is still keeping you alive today? We surely must all have at least one reason. I think most of the people's reasons are slowly fading away and even disappearing. Which is why they happen to be there.

I had 2 reasons, one of them is almost completely gone. I'm basically holding onto a thread.

1. My books(I am a writer)
2. Lack of a reliable method(Tried and failed 3 times)
These 2 things are keeping me alive right now, but if I get my hands on a reliable method, well, I won't be here right now.

 

[loopdaloop]

Lack of a peaceful, reliable and accessible method

 

[MindNomad]

What is still keeping you alive today? We surely must all have at least one reason. I think most of the people's reasons are slowly fading away and even disappearing. Which is why they happen to be there.

I had 2 reasons, one of them is almost completely gone. I'm basically holding onto a thread.

Crippling addiction to a mobile game keeps me so poor I don't have the money for a preferred method lol combined with payments for therapist and psychiatrist and I'm broke AF. Besides I feel extreme pressure about being responsible for people in my surrounding. Just yesterday my sister called me because she couldn't handle someone from her school ctb'ing and I just feel like shit

 

[StolenLife]

Family and fear of failure. I want to finish Uni first in order to have a solid plan B if I fail.

 

[Becklog]

Still preparing. this is a one way ticket. I have to make sure that everything is settled when I ctb. Cant leave any loose ends...

 

[miu]

i'm waiting for an opportunity where i'll be home alone for a couple hours. that's when i'm going to end it.
in the meantime, i'll spend my days as i always do by napping and reading visual novels.

 

[anonaon]

Need one last piece of equipment and some time to run a few tests.

 

[SeenMoreThanEnough]

My son. My daughter is already too far gone as far as disliking me, I think, so it probably wouldn't bother her too much or for too long if I were to ctb. My son is 22. When we separated and sold our house, he went to live with his mother and sister. We go fishing together, I also drive him to and from work when he needs me. But even he is probably not a strong enough reason to keep me here. Some recent developments have me considering a full-suspension hanging in the near future.