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What would make you not want to commit suicide?
Thread startervioletdevil
Start date
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not being mentally ill, first of all, and second of all, probably being accepted into either side of my family. they both treat me like a distant acquaintance and i cannot personally handle not having family.
If I was a bird then I probably wouldn't want to. Birds have their own issues but at least they have freedom. I would be a raven or a crow, they're very pretty
If my depression,social anxiety, chronic insomnia and related cognitive problems went away,maybe, although I view life as in general pointless and burdensome for little reward. These things have shaped me as a person so would I even be me without them? another day,ugh...
Since death is inevitable I would still want it to be my choice. I never liked the idea of dying of old age/disease in a hospital bed or getting killed in some sort of accident. I just want to die in a good mood and not in grueling agony. Whether i'm ready for death or not, it's on its way someday! =)
I have some neurological issues that impair the functioning of the frontal lobe in my brain, and this causes severe executive dysfunction.
Executive dysfunction "occurs when the brain has difficulty with important functions related to memory, attention, and thinking", as well as emotional regulation (severe oversimplification, but still.) As I've aged, my symptoms have grown more and more debilitating; and this has left me feeling like an unfit adult in a cold world.
To look at me, you'd possibly never know the sort of shambles my internal world is in; but living inside of my brain is beyond exhausting. I've been distressed as far back as I can remember, and I'm just ready to have some relief for once.
If I didn't have a mental illness and especially if I wasn't an alcoholic. Being an alcoholic is pretty much ruining everything. And no it's not as easy as people think it is to quit.
I would need a new spine, new disks and a new anterior abdominal wall. New nerves would be good, too. Sometimes, I can barely walk.
It would also be nice if I had a wife who doesn't constantly remind me of what I used to be able to do and can't, anymore... and who wouldn't bitch eternally about the most pointless things and say the horrific shit she says to me.
So, to sum it up... I guess I just need a mean opiate habit. Then at least I wouldn't really be able to feel it all and I might be able to push myself to accomplish the repairs my house needs. She'd likely bitch a bit less, with that done. For a while, anyway. lol
My ex having never lied about caring about me. Or if he did, not, at least, checking up on me since dumping me. He knows that I have no family, friends, support of any kind and doesn't even care enough to check on me. I guess I'm just a big loser.
This thought creeps into my mind a lot. What would stop me from wanting to end it all? And the answer is yet yo be uncovered. I think I was meant to be unhappy in this life. I genuinely don't see what reason I could have for living. I ask God for some sort of sign everyday yet I hear no answer everyday.
My family whole once again. Up until five years ago, I though my wife (of 29 years) loved me, but now I'm realizing I was her way out of a bad home situation. If I knew she loved me, it would go a long way.
Not having to work. I'm probably just lazy, but I really do think I could handle life a lot better if I could take as much time off as I wanted just to focus on my mental health when things get bad. And knowing that when a job is making me suicidal, I could quit and not have to worry about getting something else lined up first, because job searching while suicidal honestly seems impossible.
that's the worst thing, I think. I don't know if I can do anything to make me want to exist, but I'm also not confident that I can't. this fucking purgatory
I would have to change so much of myself. My tendencies, my mindset, everything I know. I would need to be born with new genetics and under new parents. I would need to be a different person.
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