What are your insecurities?
hard to sum up. I was raised around aggression/conflict in the home, directed at me a lot of time, other household things too, which i think gave me a victim mindset, just letting it all happen and not stepping in. My sisters would, even my younger ones, but i would sit in my room and act like it wasn't happening, just building up rage/frustration. They would act like i was strange for not talking to them or being social in my teens, for not just forgetting about the traumatizing things going on the night before like they all would. That freaked me out a bit, very alienating having your family treat you like you're the weird one when they are turning the house upside down every other night.
I've always felt weak, very insecure, even though everyone says I've got so much going for me, i still feel weak/ugly and worthless. Never accepted love, allowed it last year, had love with a girl, best thing ever, then all my insecurities/weakness built up and came to fruition and ended up grinding down the relationship until she broke up with me. I'm not a good enough man, not with her at least, i didn't make her feel safe, i couldn't be relied upon as her boyfriend, wouldn't stick up for her, always just wanting to kill myself and wallowing in self-pity. She was a cunt in a lot of ways, but she gave me chance after chance and stuck by me for a long time.
That's all separate really, i just want out of this all, every day is a battle now that all my insecurities came true in that relationship.
