Hi all, this is my first post but I feel it is a fitting one.
Over the past couple of days, I have decided after 4 years of suffering from mental and legal issues that theres no reason to be around anymore.
I bought myself a rope, its a sturdy one and can hold up to 510 lb/s of working load (im 250), so more than double what I'll need.
Partial hanging seems like the best setup, as I don't really have any room available with a 2-3m drop w/o contacting the ground.
I've made a slipknot, and wrote notes. However, I have a lot of other responsibilities I need to take care of.
Anyways, I started testing the waters the other day, finding the right knot (slipknot), a good location (for purposes of testing, a farmland in the middle of the night), and yea. I put myself down, with 2 socks on either side of the neck. When I apply pressure, the first thing I feel is the tingling in my lips, then my ears, and the rest of my face. Its usually right after that it starts hurting and I call it. The first time I did it, I started crying massively, called up my friend and talked about it with him. He didn't help much, just kinda deflected to something he wanted to show off instead (atleast I learned how to drive a manual car lol). I did it just a couple minutes ago aswell, this time in my room however. My house is empty, and will be for the next couple of hours so I decided I might aswell get myself more used to it when the time comes. But it almost went too well. I had it going, the same tingling came through, but this time it was different. I have a heart defect that sometimes makes me faint, and pretty quickly, within maybe 10-15 seconds of applying pressure, my eyes felt tingly. My vision started to get all white-staticy like when I pass out. Noises around me increased in volume, and my internal monologue became actual spoken words in my head. It felt like I was dreaming. At some point, I unconsciously stood up (I have no memory of doing that), and realized that could've been it before I even got all my preparations done.
OOKAY, rant outta the way,
I'm trying to think to myself, what preparations could actually help it be peaceful? Should I spend all the money in my savings on my family?
My current plan is to head up to the mountains and find a good "bleed-out spot" iykwim, stay a night, and do it there. However, I was thinking, what other methods could work?
Since the SI could come in at any time and fuck things up, I was thinking, what other methods are fool-proof? Theres SN, however I'm in the US and haven't found any meaningful outlet that sells it not in bulk. Im thinking maybe air poisoning. Would doing it in my car work? If air re circulation is on, and I buy a tank of Argon (or similar), would that work? I could technically drive into my garage and go out via exhaust gases, but thats boringggg and not scenic.
What do you guys think would make it good?
I'm just glad that recently I've come to acceptance with this, and have been feeling a sense of relief and happiness if you know what I mean, cause I don't have to deal with anything coming up, and more stressors, etc..
Heres my rope aswell!
Over the past couple of days, I have decided after 4 years of suffering from mental and legal issues that theres no reason to be around anymore.
I bought myself a rope, its a sturdy one and can hold up to 510 lb/s of working load (im 250), so more than double what I'll need.
Partial hanging seems like the best setup, as I don't really have any room available with a 2-3m drop w/o contacting the ground.
I've made a slipknot, and wrote notes. However, I have a lot of other responsibilities I need to take care of.
Anyways, I started testing the waters the other day, finding the right knot (slipknot), a good location (for purposes of testing, a farmland in the middle of the night), and yea. I put myself down, with 2 socks on either side of the neck. When I apply pressure, the first thing I feel is the tingling in my lips, then my ears, and the rest of my face. Its usually right after that it starts hurting and I call it. The first time I did it, I started crying massively, called up my friend and talked about it with him. He didn't help much, just kinda deflected to something he wanted to show off instead (atleast I learned how to drive a manual car lol). I did it just a couple minutes ago aswell, this time in my room however. My house is empty, and will be for the next couple of hours so I decided I might aswell get myself more used to it when the time comes. But it almost went too well. I had it going, the same tingling came through, but this time it was different. I have a heart defect that sometimes makes me faint, and pretty quickly, within maybe 10-15 seconds of applying pressure, my eyes felt tingly. My vision started to get all white-staticy like when I pass out. Noises around me increased in volume, and my internal monologue became actual spoken words in my head. It felt like I was dreaming. At some point, I unconsciously stood up (I have no memory of doing that), and realized that could've been it before I even got all my preparations done.
OOKAY, rant outta the way,
I'm trying to think to myself, what preparations could actually help it be peaceful? Should I spend all the money in my savings on my family?
My current plan is to head up to the mountains and find a good "bleed-out spot" iykwim, stay a night, and do it there. However, I was thinking, what other methods could work?
Since the SI could come in at any time and fuck things up, I was thinking, what other methods are fool-proof? Theres SN, however I'm in the US and haven't found any meaningful outlet that sells it not in bulk. Im thinking maybe air poisoning. Would doing it in my car work? If air re circulation is on, and I buy a tank of Argon (or similar), would that work? I could technically drive into my garage and go out via exhaust gases, but thats boringggg and not scenic.
What do you guys think would make it good?
I'm just glad that recently I've come to acceptance with this, and have been feeling a sense of relief and happiness if you know what I mean, cause I don't have to deal with anything coming up, and more stressors, etc..
Heres my rope aswell!
