Playingwiththedead
Lilah
- Jun 8, 2025
- 118
Havent gotten my money yet that i need for a hotel and some other expenses required for me to attempt ctb reliably , so ive had some time to think.
If i could sell some of my things id have just enough to go to california for a few days and ctb there. Ive always been drawn there whether it be by people that come into my life or a million different dreams where ive "astral projected" there, all kinds of astrological and psychic advice ive gotten over the years (if any of u are into astrology/ know astrocartography my venus line runs right over LA, my 2nd and 8th house ruler lines (saturn and the sun) run over seattle washington funny where my chris is from so couple states north but still west coast and not east where i am) , and me just generally finding it nice in certain areas. Id probably be going by huntington beach.
However, i live in a very toxic household and have cptsd that is constantly triggered by it and it would take me at least a month to gather funds needed for the trip, and i really hate the thought of having to wait and live through this any longer, but the reward would be nice, i think id like it there so much i feel i might regret it if i dont go before i die.
What would you do if you felt called there but had to save up a month and live through more ptsd while waiting?
If i could sell some of my things id have just enough to go to california for a few days and ctb there. Ive always been drawn there whether it be by people that come into my life or a million different dreams where ive "astral projected" there, all kinds of astrological and psychic advice ive gotten over the years (if any of u are into astrology/ know astrocartography my venus line runs right over LA, my 2nd and 8th house ruler lines (saturn and the sun) run over seattle washington funny where my chris is from so couple states north but still west coast and not east where i am) , and me just generally finding it nice in certain areas. Id probably be going by huntington beach.
However, i live in a very toxic household and have cptsd that is constantly triggered by it and it would take me at least a month to gather funds needed for the trip, and i really hate the thought of having to wait and live through this any longer, but the reward would be nice, i think id like it there so much i feel i might regret it if i dont go before i die.
What would you do if you felt called there but had to save up a month and live through more ptsd while waiting?
My $1k or so that i would have at the start would be all i will have unless i magically get over my ptsd or find a way to supress it once im there and get a job in the first few days, find someone to stay with, etc. Im not sure how easy it is these days to do the whole celebrity "i went to new york with 2 dollars in my pocket"
