What was your method when you first became suicidal?

[WornOutLife]

I was 12, school was hell and I had realized that I didn't want to be part of this world anymore.
Thus, the idea of dying came up to my mind! "Why not do it?" The thing is how, though."

There were no tall buildings were I lived so jumping was not an option. Then, I remembered something I used to see everyday and which was always very close to me: A TRAIN.

This was the answer I needed. I would jump in front of a train while going to school and finally life would be over.

However, I tried to do it many times but of course I failed. I just can't believe that I even thought about it. I would never choose such a gore method now. Maybe because I was just a teen my SI was not fully developed? Who knows...

Anyway, what was the first method method that popped into your head when your first thought about suicide?

 

[TessB]

Aspirin overdose which I tried to do at 15.. so stupid. Or slitting my wrists I guess.

 

[Joey]

Mine was from hanging

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I was 17 or 18, the method was stabbing myself in the neck/cutting a carotid. This is basically my back-up now (diagonal carotid slashing) but I don't have a scalpel, just a combat knife.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

when I first became suicidal the first thoughts that came into my mind was asking my parents to take me to Belgium to get euthanasia since I had seen a documentary about how euthanasia is legal there, I had no idea of how hard it was to get approved

 

[FuneralCry]

When I was younger I always used to think about bleeding to death, but now I know it probably isn't the best idea.

 

[clueless2dayor2morro]

i think my first thoughts of ctb came to me when i obviously couldn't do it without being stopped-- when i was around 13 or 14 as well. i thought that the only way i would be able to was to either get my biological parent's gun, get a knife, or find a way to suffocate myself or that i would somehow miraculously pass away in my sleep through sheer willpower. I wasn't very creative and I wasn't very informed. we didn't have any pills that I knew about that would get me to OD efficiently enough and we never kept alcohol around the house so i knew i couldn't "OD" on alcohol. many times i also was hoping that it would all be left up to chance-- i would die on a rollercoaster ride gone wrong, get hit by a car, or have an un(fortunate) run in with someone.

i think what kept me from ctb so young was because i think i had hope that things would be better, things or my personality or looks would change for the better and that some magical thing would happen where people would stop being irrationally mean to me or i would think about the newest expansions and developments of my favorite games i would miss out on.

on your note on a "maturing" or more developed SI, i have noticed as i got older, the methods i thought of became less gorey although more risk to failure. i would never use a gun or knife or anything horribly mutilating or painful to get the job done.

when i hit college, i thought more of hanging or trying to get a prescription or a plug to supply me with enough pills to OD--i often thought of ODing on over the counter sleeping pills if i bought n took enough of them in one go. it was less gorey and i wanted a peaceful death. if not peaceful, then so out of this world fun or trippy that i wouldn't realize i'm dying until it was too late. and by then i'd hope that my mind was so zonked out that i wouldn't have any idea what was going on and i wouldn't panic as i OD'd on something fun.

 

[DoodleBug]

I was often romanticizing your classic overdosing on pills and alcohol. it lasted for a long time, yet the club 27 mentality started haunting me at the ripe age of 13. That's when every shitty thing started piling up. I was always semi self-aware about that mindset, yet I steadily started loosing my interest in living.

Long story short, I've almost doomed myself by drinking 1 L of vodka in one sitting. I also mixed aspirin and paracetamol In high doses. Might've brought some ibuprofen to the mix. Ive collapsed after two hours and my first next memory was me tearing up at the toxicology section in the hospital as I had that brief moment of lucidity after they've rinsed my stomach. I've spent the night with suicidal students and homeless homies.

At that time, before that fun evening, I wasnt binging alone that much yet. I just... I was making one mojito after another just because. Then I necked the bottle and just went along while set on the road to escape. That ghastly bootleg rockstar impulse had almost caused me to flatline.

Since 80% of men in my family are addicts and alcoholics, I've inherited an amazing liver. They've rinsed my stomach 3 hours since the start of my ridiculous consumption.

I was, like, a fresh 20 year old then. A stupid thing to do while you're skipping lectures at the Uni. Oh well.

 

[Life_and_Death]

codeine OD (not entirely stupid as im small, have low tolerance and planned on taking....i think it was twice the amount i would have needed), Carfentanil OD (its an elephant tranq, no stupidity there lol), jumping (but that was impulsive) and after joining SN and partial hanging as a back up although it seems to have become #1 unless things change

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i first tried with an amitryptilene od but i only had like 30 so it wouldn't have worked anyway

 

[Isisnefert]

I was 21 years old, the first metod I tried was an overdose of my antidepressants, another day I went to the train tracks but I couldn't do it, another day I went to the river of my city, at night, to die by drowning, I didn't get it either, this last time I left a note.
Later, after being in a suicide forum of my country (now are banned) where they talked about mixing benzos and alcohol was deadly (they had no idea, haha) that was my metod, but later I recovered.

 

[Carrotcake]

When I was a child, I mostly thought of cutting my wrists. It was the method I saw in movies and heard about in stories, so of course that should work haha

 

[Luu]

I would think a lot about ctb when i was a child and i didn't think that i would actually try it before i turn 18 because i was too scared, but the first time i attempted to do it was maybe when i was 11 years old by trying to hang myself

 

[HenryHobkins]

cutting or hanging

 

[noname223]

The first suicidal thoughts i had was when i was 10. I wanted to jump out of the car. With 15 i had many methods on my mind but i was not determined on one. With 18 i was the first time severely suicidal. I bought a tent and started grilling. My suicidal ideation was 24/7. I laid in my tent and imagined doing CO method. Now after a lot of research i am pretty determined to get SN when the next severe crisis hits. I really like it that it barely cause damage if you survive.

 

[ansiedad]

Partial hanging

 

[lofticries]

Age 11. Jumping in front of a passing school bus.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

I was 10 or something like that and I was thinking that I'm going to forest and freeze to death in winter. I couldn't be there as long was needed.

 

[Lucien]

This isn't exactly the same, as it was not fully deliberate, but..

I didn't sleep many nights in a row, while trying to figure things out. This was before leaving for university. Not much eating happened either. My body became grey and I ended up with severe pneumonia. They were ready to do a type of surgery where survival rate isn't great but I responded to insane doses of intravenously pumped antibiotics instead. I felt nice in the hospital before I realized I was recovering.

I knew my body was shutting down before the doctor diagnosed pneumonia. The cough was painful and the phlegm had traces of blood. The only reason I was taken to hospital was because my parents noticed the changes. It started as an accident but I was okay with letting it become terminal.

 

[hahabye]

My first serious method (apart from trying to hang myself with my robe's belt) was taking sleeping pills and drowning in the bath. Little did I know that the sleeping pills they were selling over the counter were nowhere close to being as strong as I needed. But I was around 12 and super inspired by then-popular Britney's "Everytime"

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

It was full suspension hanging / detergent suicide.

 

[blackwidow92]

Olanzipine or cocodamol overdose lmao then I discovered this site. I have SN now just need to find the balls to use it.

 

[Pen>Sword]

Tylenol overdose. I thought of this over a year ago. I did not know any better. The worst thing is I'm a nursing student. I should've known this.

 

[sunsetintehwoods]

Jumping at 12. As a child, I broke the lock on the roof of my high-rise building to stare at the sky. It was my safe-place where a can spent hours of thinking about stars and universe. So this methot was closest for me.

 

[amnotreal]

my older brother attemped when he was 13 and failed. when i became suicidal shortly after that i had no method because of fear of failure. i tried to od a few times when much younger but mostly fear of failure has kept me alive. fear of failure and waking up with my body more damaged and in more pain than it already is in. now days i keep the means for a few method available at all times but now i have kids and my spouse has his own mental illness and i don't want to leave my kids with the spouse as only parent so i don't act.

 

[Symbiote]

CO Poisoning. Was really easy to get and still is. Also thought about leaving the gas can lid off in a closed space like a car and fall asleep to that as well.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

This might not count because it was a semi-attempt: hanging using multiple canvas and leather belts.

 

[Lupgevif]

Overdosing on medicine.

 

[BigNarkoleptic]

27. Jumping off a 15 story hotel in London UK.
Then knife to the heart.
Then jumping from various cliffs.
Not glamorous...

 

[BandAddict]

Hmm, when I was 7, I would have thoughts when going up or down stairs thinking "I kind of wish I would accidentally trip and fall down these and die." As I got older, 11-12, I wished the same but also started to think about choking myself with...ribbons. Yeah.