What was your method when you first became suicidal?

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Wrist cutting, how clichéd..

 

[Alex Fermentopathy]

I was a preschool child. I didn't want to go to kindergarten, so I held my breath to die. Of course, I didn't succeed. And I was like: "Well, okay".

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Knife through the heart LOL

 

[Malaria]

When I was around 12 or 13 I was going to slit my own throat

 

[Crash_Bash_Dash]

My first way to ctb two years ago was using NAIDs and codeine drugs to overdose myself to death. It was terrible experience (vomiting all around, having stomach pain etc.) And I won't recommend it to anyone. I went to acute examination in hospital because of this by my friend's advice and it was kind of embarrassing experience. For example, nurses just said to me that I am young and could make a difference in my life and therefore I shouldn't kms and all those kinds of platitudes. It was impulsive decision back then (I was a bit psychotic too I think) though because I knew no better method back then.

Another way to ctb back in those times was that one of my friends would stab me to death because I couldn't do it myself. This was irrational too as anyone with a hint of common sense would know.

This was all before I stumbled upon this website. Now I have at least some possibility to access more trustworthy and painless methods there are.

 

[wall.713]

It was when I was 11… the first time I ever felt suicidal and really wanted to die was really impulsive, so I wanted to run away and starve myself to death, but that was only an impulse so what did I know. After that, when I actually was sure that there was no way out and that I had nothing left, my method to CTB was going to go to the train station after school, breaking in without paying (for some reason I even wanted to be seen) and then jumping in front of the next train, just like that. I was just expecting to land on the tracks and then for "something" to happen. I'm glad I didn't do it or barely tried, even though that new realisation of how difficult it is was painful.

 

[jeremycockburn58]

I first thought about it age 7 and first "attempted" it at age 13-4 but it wasn't a very good attempt.. I tried to asphyxiate myself in the garage when I was in my late 30's early 40's but was interrupted. I'm now acquiring hydrocodone but am unsure what is a sufficient quantity and don't want to wake up as a brain damaged vegetable and be a burden to everyone. But finding information on the quantity necessary is difficult, can anyone help. I have 50 pills now and will be able to get another 50 in a month

 

[Meteora]

Overdosing on meds and alcohol

 

[locked*n*loaded]

When I discovered SaSu, my plan was to use CO vehicle exhaust to commit suicide. Thanks to SaSu, I was able to modify my plan away from the vehicle exhaust method, and instead switch to using CO created by the burning of charcoal, which is a much more reliable way. Now, I feel very confident in my method to succeed when the time becomes right for me.

 

[sserafim]

It was jumping since I live in a high rise so it's easily accessible for me but I would never have the courage to jump unless I was really desperate. I was also looking into jumping off of bridges in my area

 

[homesoon.]

My original method was overdose, then I realized how unreliable and stupid that is. Then it went to firearm, only to realize I don't have the guts. So, SN it is, once I get past SI and guilt. To be honest, I'm about one more awful experience away from saying fuck it.

 

[steppingoff]

It has always some form of hanging full partial nit nit

 

[onbekend]

The story is interesting to say the least; Initially I had wanted to go out via Pills/Overdosing, or by Hanging. However, One thing that made me change my mind was strangely enough a study that I read on the 9/11 jumpers. From what I remember of said study, the people jumping from the twin towers lost consciousness mid fall and the impact was quite literally instant meaning that it was definitely painless. Whether or not that's actually true, I don't know but at the time I believed it. After figuring that out, I had switched my preferred method to jumping. Soon after joining this site I discovered SN, and now that's what I prefer.

 

[GreenGlassDoor]

At 13 I tried to OD on a bunch of random pills around the house. I didnt even read the labels. It was pretty pathetic thinking back on it, I hardly got a stomachache and went about my day as normal afterwards. It was only after I found this forum that I realized how unreliable and painful that method was. I'm just grateful I didn't do more damage.

 

[lostmeaning]

I was 12, school was hell and I had realized that I didn't want to be part of this world anymore.
Thus, the idea of dying came up to my mind! "Why not do it?" The thing is how, though."

There were no tall buildings were I lived so jumping was not an option. Then, I remembered something I used to see everyday and which was always very close to me: A TRAIN.

This was the answer I needed. I would jump in front of a train while going to school and finally life would be over.

However, I tried to do it many times but of course I failed. I just can't believe that I even thought about it. I would never choose such a gore method now. Maybe because I was just a teen my SI was not fully developed? Who knows...

Anyway, what was the first method method that popped into your head when your first thought about suicide?

I looked a lot into a certain chemical method at 18, but at 12 when I started cutting I knew then in my mind I was waiting until I'm 21. And here I am.. 9 years later

 

[Decided98]

Full suspension

 

[baller]

i was really stupid when I was younger so i thought i'd just eat a lot of panadol lmao

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I only became suicidal after many decades of a "good life". My first choice was CO with charcoal ( I would also consider cyanide in an emergency ) I have some chemical background knowledge. Still my method is CO bc it's easily available but I would consider drug/med OD upon availability and cyanide in an emergency case.

 

[lovedread]

Gassing myself lol. Maybe i was 13 or 14? Think it was 8th grade.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

This might be a weird one, but I kind of just hoped I'd get a heart attack in my sleep. I specifically remember being a child and wishing I could fall asleep, die in my sleep, and not wake up.

In terms of an actual plan, alcohol overdose. Obviously that's not a reliable method in retrospect, but it was the only thing I could think of when considering what was available.