What was your method when you first became suicidal?

[lonerclown666]

Same like now gun

 

[restforeternity]

At 11 years old, ideation started
16 slit wrist (wrong way), ODd on Prozac and any pills I could get my hands in the house.
36 stashed sleeping pills and liquids, failed impulse attempt.

 

[WornOutLife]

Was 11 and .y Dad had recently told me that I was a terrible person and that I would end up in prison before 13. He then told me he should have had my mom get an abortion while she was pregnant with me and that his life wouldn't be so lousy. Basically my birth ruined his life. So, grabbed a bottle of asprin,walked outside to the empty lot 2 houses down and swallowed about 20 or 30 of them. Didn't work, needless to say. Just a pretty nasty stomach ache.

Omg I'm so sorry your dad told you that!
I was very scared of prison when I was a child (well, still today. It's hell!)

This world is certainly a cruel place. I mean, how can even some children want to ctb? Ridiculous!

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Omg I'm so sorry your dad told you that!
I was very scared of prison when I was a child (well, still today. It's hell!)

This world is certainly a cruel place. I mean, how can even some children want to ctb? Ridiculous!

Its life. That and several other events gave me major abandonment and anger issues. Its likely the reason I am typing these words on this forum right now. Its why I am am begging and pleading with the one person I truly love more than anything because I hurt her very much, because of....my abandonment and anger issues. But, again,life. It might not be FAIR, but its still life.

 

[brokenwaves]

i contemplated death obsessively as a depressed child, and when i first realised that i could actually bring about my own death (not knowing at the time what suicide was), my first idea was to stab myself. i would stand in the kitchen alone and hold the sharpest knife to my "heart" and imagine falling forward. god, me as a kid really needed help lmao

 

[aeri]

very classic for me, nothing out of the ordinary. i tried to overdose with paracetamol and ibuprofen when I was 15, didn't work... and i had fantasies of drowning since I was like 11 or something

 

[Bedrock48]

I suppose technically the very first would've been command hallucinations telling me to jump in front of a train.

However, I think my actual first method that I ruminated on was full suspension.

 

[Roadkill]

I always thought it would be easy to just go buy a shotgun and blow my head off... Until I saw way too many videos of people trying this method and failing... I just know I would fuck it up too and end up surviving with half a face and half a brain

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

Mid 20's was when I first had suicidal ideation. I still think I use it as a 'quit button'. It's comforting to know if I can't take it anymore. If life just gets too shitty and there's nothing that's going to make a difference I can check out on my own fucking terms.

I visited lostallhope and thought the exit bag sounded the best. I also use to fantasize about driving deep into the wilderness.. pushing my car into some remote lake, and then drowning myself. I used to search out little remote lakes in Canada and zoom in on salelite view to see if any were actually remote. Saved a few spots.. just cause.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I don't know how you considered train either, that method has always been waaaaaaay too terrifying to me. The first method that I considered was starvation, (which I submit, some might argue is even worse than train), and I failed at it completely, lasting only 3 days without food (I was drinking water still). These days, I only really consider SN. (Of course I would prefer N or inert gases, but those have their own difficulties, as you know).

 

[ShutUpEli]

For me it was hanging, I had a long rope that I'd gotten from the back of a truck at school, and tried to learn how to tie a noose. Embarrassing to say I never did figure it out, and afterwards tried restoring to the plastic-bag-over-the-head method. Not my brightest moment ‍

 

[Nolan96]

Jumping. Read a couple-years-old article about a place nearby where people jumped to their deaths. When I actually got there I saw barriers had been put up. I hadn't been deadset on actually doing it anyway.

 

[JinZhin]

When I was a child, I thought about drowning a lot, since I haven't learned how to swim and really liked water I guess

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

I always wanted a gun to end it after seeing it in a few movies and realizing how easy was it. I ruled out hanging and jumping because I used see my mother trying to end herself almost half a dozen times with those methods and failing. Maybe I was scared of those methods in my subconscious because of what happened to my mother after her failed attempts so I never even considered hanging until I joined this forum. Although my previous attempts were with poison and medicines. I can never get gun so I have to go with SN.

 

[fatefulstillness]

When I was a child, I didn't call it suicide, although I knew what it was. I was conditioned to avoid the word because it sounded awful to the adults around me. I don't quite remember how I first learned about it, or if it was something I felt first and then found the name for it; but I recall this strong feeling of identity every time I would hear about someone ending their life, even if it was a movie or the distant conversation of adults who thought I wasn't paying attention to what they were saying. The funny thing is, even when I would never get in trouble, in my terrible silence, I wasn't a very obedient child. Even funnier is the fact that I would daydream about my death and not feel any guilt, something I found hard to do as I grew up. Back then, drowning or getting lost somewhere and letting something bad happen to me were frequent thoughts.

In my teenage years, I thought about jumping as well. There's this bridge in my town, but it's not very high. I knew this; it didn't stop me from wanting it.

These are methods I would never try now, and I'm happy I know better options.

 

[Kismet]

Taking the cover off of the breaker box and just grabbing it while bare footed was one, the other was bleeding to death by cutting wrist. I know better now though and actually am partial to the night night

 

[allesistgut]

the earliest method that i can remember considering was jumping in front of a train (i think i must have been 13 or so). however, i always changed my mind of going through with this method as i didn't want to traumatize the conductor or anyone else who would be on the train.

but i also think i can vaguely remember wanting to try and suffocate myself somehow when i was quite small? those memories are pretty foggy though so i can't be sure.

 

[PrawnCocktail]

I was around 10 when I first tried to kill myself by taking a bunch of basically harmless hormone tablets and paracetamol
From then until I was around 14 I tried a bunch of comically bad methods like slitting my wrists (didn't even get close), ODing on alcohol (yes, really), CO poisoning but I just chucked some charcoal into a fire, etc

 

[SNO]

i first tried with an amitryptilene od but i only had like 30 so it wouldn't have worked anyway

Really! I was told amitriptilin is really dangerous if taken even a smidge over the recommended! How did you feel

 

[ultrafuntimes]

In the beginning I thought about stabbing myself in the chest a lot, thankfully I never went through with it.
I guess my first actual attempt was when I was 12 and tried strangling myself with my shoelaces in the school bathrooms.
Looking back I was pretty stupid lol. I didn't bother to do any research whatsoever, or think about how I would actually pull it off.
I just wanted out.

 

[edu0z]

11 - Drown

 

[joshua123]

Cutting myself with broken glass at 12 :(

 

[inanimate]

hanging

 

[Helplessturtle79]

I think I was around 15 or 16. I wanted to do an exit bag. My dad drag races and is super into cars, so I thought I could use inert gas from the stuff he had, but I knew he'd notice if someone had been messing with his stuff.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

My first serious attempt I tried to run away from home and hoped to die of starvation or thirst. I only lasted about 6-8 hours before I pulled up to some random house and begged for food. They gave me food but they also called the cops who were already looking for me.

 

[Erosella]

Earliest time I can think of is when I was 14, and learned you can OD and tried to on Aspirin. Lol boy was I wrong.

 

[Manaaja]

Burning myself. (I wonder if I'm the only one whose first suicide method choice was burning, seems really rare that anyone other than a few monks burn themselves, since it's supposed to be really painful.)

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

I tried to hang myself in my closet when I was 9, only the shelf/rod just came down because it wasn't secured very well..along with everything sitting on top of the shelf part. lol

 

[LivideLamb]

When I was around 12, I would pray every night to God to not wake up in the morning. Since I didn't get answers, I thought that I would take matters into my own hands. I carefully put out a plan that I would take a kitchen knife (without even sharpening it) and stab me in the guts. Stab me repeatedly in the guts, the abdomen, the tummy. Now that I think of it, I just see the pain it would have brought me before death.

 

[Mrikaii]

I was also 12 and the only thing I knew about methods was from movies, so I planned to OD on whatever medicine I could find. I'm glad I never did.