How old were you guys when you first felt wanting to die?

[eatantz]

9, I wanted to go to heaven to be free from the pain I felt going to school. I hated being alone and isolated. I didn't even know what suicide was, I just wanted to not wake up

 

[Username1359751]

9 or 10?
First attempt with bottle of aspirin lol (reye's syndrome) at 12.

 

[cowboypants]

BI don't mean a random thought of wanting to die or wanting to suicide without fully comprehending it, but when you first genuinely wanted to attempt suicide while fully understanding how unnerving death could be. Personally, my first thought of death was around 10 due to divorced parent and was stuck with an abusive mother, bullying, having to constantly move after the divorce without being able to make friends due to how poor we were(had to move council houses whenever they told us to), etc; but I only fully understood, or atleast understood to a good extent, of what it really meant to kill myself around the time I was 13.

Between 5-8. I was feeling left out at home and at school. SHTF when I was 7.

 

[tone]

Started when I was 13.

 

[Defenestration]

17 now im 37

 

[UnluckyBastard]

8/9

 

[Xian_ca]

12 years old

Seeing all these very sad replies… no one deserves to want to die at any age. Truly wish the best to all of you my friends <3

 

[DyingNeurons]

Probably around 13

 

[snowbird]

I think I was also around 10-11
I had fucked up big time and I knew the punishment would be so severe that I thought dying would be better than to endure it.
I didn't suceed, however, and the punishment was even worse because I was also punished for 'being stupid enough to harm myself' - oh, the irony.
I hated adults with a burning passion.

 

[combatcuteness]

My family used to move a lot too. Me had 6 apartments before I was 15. I first wanted to commit suicide when I was 15-16yrs old being bullied in high school. I got send to a psych ward for troubled youth because I was missing lots of school days. Also I kept leaving classes early due to panic attacks during math class. Went back to high school and the bullies didn't care. Eventually I got expelled because I wouldn't graduate on time.

I have always been a believer in good planning and I didn't know anything about suicide so I tried to desensitize by waterboarding myself. My plan was to drown in the bathtub, survival instinct made practice impossible so I moved to hanging. I practiced by choking myself with a belt that was... easier... but practice was hard since I shared a room with my sister. For some reason I moved to poison. Maybe because I always felt awkward because I kept getting found with a belt in my hand lol. So when the time came I mixed a bunch of random stuff and tried drinking the cocktail. I took a sip. It tasted horrible and acidic then I freaked out. I realized it was enough to hurt me but not kill me. Then my stomach started to hurt. I hoped for the best and that the amount I drank wouldn't send me to the hospital. Because my family didn't seem the supportive type about suicide or anything.
Something that really bothered me back then was that my family was going to miss me. So I ripped myself out of all family photos. I was in the process of discarding them when I heard a knock on the door. It was my mother she picked up the u discarded pieces of photos. She was hearth broken and said I shouldn't destroy others people stuff and if I wanted to die. I guess that's when she finally understood I truly wanted to die. And even worse that she probably would have a hard time remembering me. She got really angry and told me If I wanted to die I should just kill myself without destroying anything. That left me disturbed and I didn't know what to do anymore. Wether my plan was actually a plan at all. So I decided next time my plan needed to be full proof. Since then I've tried again ending my life and even borderline gambled with it. Unfortunately I've heard similar hurtful phrases from my mother. At this point I don't even think she even remembers when she started saying things like that. Or remember the photos she didn't know I had discharged in the trash can. That's been my life since my first suicidal ideation. A series of shitty plans and good and bad memories my mother has to see go into the trash can.

 

[Orange Cat]

I was 18.

 

[mikgazer6]

20. Unknown to my parents I talked to my advisor about withdrawing from university. I was being pushed towards a career I didnt want and I was tired. I left the building, sat down on a bench, looked up at the 4 story roof, and felt warm comfort for the first time in a long time at the thought of jumping off of there. Im surprised it took that long. Looking back I have never had control over my life, only the illusion of it.

 

[AndroidAmongHumans]

I first started feeling suicidal at 12, when I used to skip extracurriculars to sit in the one hallway without security cameras in my school and daydream about running off from the school, stealing a boat from a backyard dock or marina half a mile from the school, sailing out into the sea and throwing myself over. the only thing that stopped me was the fact that my school was on a military base and I knew that if someone noticed I went missing, I'd be chased down and apprehended by military police pretty quickly.

I'm 24 now. I've been suicidal for half of my life, more if you take out the baby and toddler years I have no memories from. I've moved 5 times since then, graduated from public school and college, I've had multiple years long relationships, and I've had 7 different jobs of note. None of that has changed how much I want to end everything, how I wish base animal survival instinct and the fear of being institutionalized if I fail didn't stop me.

 

[wasted_years]

First ''serious'' suicidal ideations were at 13. Didn't stop since.

 

[pictures]

i was 11 when i got like really depressed 12 was even I had my first attempt and my last attempt was about 6 months ago I'm 19 now and had around 7-8 attempts

 

[cyrotical]

around 17. i'd had ideas for years but never genuinely wanted it until then. thought about how i'd go, what i'd leave for people and what i'd do on my last day.

was both scary and extremely relieving to realise it.

 

[Trakehner]

my first attempt was at age 13

 

[Cinnamorolls]

14. Now 34.

I didn't even know it was possible for elementary school aged children to feel suicidal, but looks like it happened for many people here. Makes me so sad.

 

[starsitting]

13

 

[etherealspring]

about 11 or 12, though my memory is a bit fuzzy. I'm 19 now. I haven't attempted yet but I've been wanting to for ages. I think at this point, I'm waiting for something to push me over the edge

 

[Nothing87]

11

 

[Hanaga]

8. My grandma told me at the time that childhood is the happiest time of my life. Needless to say these words made me cry. I felt horrified, is THIS supposed to be the happiest time of my life?

 

[moscowmuffin]

Fifth Grade, so 10-11

 

[bugs_for_brains]

11

 

[pyx]

15

 

[tezw]

Around 20 with my mothers passing, I cant ever remember ever having those thoughts prior, how old were you guys and gals ?

 

[Coconut blue]

4

 

[noreallynotmarcy]

I don't mean a random thought of wanting to die or wanting to suicide without fully comprehending it, but when you first genuinely wanted to attempt suicide while fully understanding how unnerving death could be. Personally, my first thought of death was around 10 due to divorced parent and was stuck with an abusive mother, bullying, having to constantly move after the divorce without being able to make friends due to how poor we were(had to move council houses whenever they told us to), etc; but I only fully understood, or atleast understood to a good extent, of what it really meant to kill myself around the time I was 13.

7 when the first thoughts started. Didn't attempt until I was 20. I remember the world went a little dark in childhood and I could barely regulate my emotions. I had disordered eating, I was anxious all the time, I had a speech impediment. I wasn't a normal kid and wanted out.

 

[derpyderpins]

12, which these threads always remind me was sadly not that young.

 

[billie]

I was 14 but I didn't have my first attempt until I was 18