What was your experience with medication?

[Leonard_Bangley39]

I feel like i probably should take something like ssris or more stabilizers but i don't have a primary care doctor to talk to and i don't want to sit through therapy. I could probably also benefit from some kind of hormone blocker to kill my libido.

i just feel like i hate everything. about a week ago while i was cutting i accidentally went too deep and hit a vein. blood started spurting out and i had to go to the er to get stitches. i still get cold and knots in my stomach thinking about that spurting coming from my arm. when i got home, i gave all my razors to my sister and told her to throw them away.

Since then, I've been gooning almost all day every day as soon as i get home from work because it's the only thing i can do that doesn't make me want to cut or kms in the moment. ill just lay in bed right after getting home and changing and goon until i go to sleep. I can't even do things i enjoy like play games on my laptop cause i would rather goon and it distracts me from the game. and it all just makes me feel shittier and i hate myself. i always hate myself. it's always been me hating myself. I've hated myself for maybe a year now. im fucking worthless. im a piece of shit. i don't deserve love. i don't deserve good things. I'll never amount to anything ever. ill never find love. ill never start a family. ill never build some sort of foundation. ill never have a career. ill always just be some fat ugly piece of shit who always takes the easy way out and can never commit to anything, some negative pessimistic piece of worthless scum that nobody wants to be around. i don't even know why people like my friends or family like me, i don't deserve it. i don't deserve anything. im a terrible person, everything i do is evil, i am evil, i always have and always will be a terrible, evil, horrible person. not even a person. people don't act like this. im not even worth being called a person. all i can do is goon all day too distract myself from how much i hate myself and how much i hate everything and how much i hate myself for hating everything and how much i hate myself for gooning and how much i want to cut but I'm scared of cutting because i don't want to cut but i do want to cut i want to cut i want to self harm i just want to to something but i don't want to see that spurt again i don't want to risk that but i just can't fucking take it why am i like this i can't even just enjoy a voice call with my friend playing games together without sone random thing triggering my brain to go on a downward spiral of hate and make me hate myself or feel envious and jealous or both why am i like that why can't i just enjoy time with my friend why do i have to be such a negative little bitch just have fun you fucking idiot why why why stop overthinking every single message and every single interaction and stop getting jealous it envious over a fictional fucking character just because they said they were cool stop having sex and hentai and gooning on your mind 24/7 while messaging them you fucking inbred troglodyte why are you like this why is going the only thing you ever think of when you chat with them you know that will just ruin things you need to have boundaries but you willingly ignore them because gooning is the only thing you can think of why just stop it be normal be normal just be fucking normal why can't you be normal why she's everything have to be an ordeal why can't you just be normal to out and talk to people normally stop carrying about every little thing and just be normal go be normal you want friends or l and love and yet you have everyone and everything around you and can only ever talk to people online who are just as weird as you you did this to yourself you deserve this you deserve to have nothing and nobody I'm fucking worthless why

To anyone who has taken or is taking medications here, what was your experience and how did you end up getting prescribed them? Did they help?