What was your experience with medication?

[Leonard_Bangley39]

I feel like i probably should take something like ssris or more stabilizers but i don't have a primary care doctor to talk to and i don't want to sit through therapy. I could probably also benefit from some kind of hormone blocker to kill my libido.

i just feel like i hate everything. about a week ago while i was cutting i accidentally went too deep and hit a vein. blood started spurting out and i had to go to the er to get stitches. i still get cold and knots in my stomach thinking about that spurting coming from my arm. when i got home, i gave all my razors to my sister and told her to throw them away.

Since then, I've been gooning almost all day every day as soon as i get home from work because it's the only thing i can do that doesn't make me want to cut or kms in the moment. ill just lay in bed right after getting home and changing and goon until i go to sleep. I can't even do things i enjoy like play games on my laptop cause i would rather goon and it distracts me from the game. and it all just makes me feel shittier and i hate myself. i always hate myself. it's always been me hating myself. I've hated myself for maybe a year now. im fucking worthless. im a piece of shit. i don't deserve love. i don't deserve good things. I'll never amount to anything ever. ill never find love. ill never start a family. ill never build some sort of foundation. ill never have a career. ill always just be some fat ugly piece of shit who always takes the easy way out and can never commit to anything, some negative pessimistic piece of worthless scum that nobody wants to be around. i don't even know why people like my friends or family like me, i don't deserve it. i don't deserve anything. im a terrible person, everything i do is evil, i am evil, i always have and always will be a terrible, evil, horrible person. not even a person. people don't act like this. im not even worth being called a person. all i can do is goon all day too distract myself from how much i hate myself and how much i hate everything and how much i hate myself for hating everything and how much i hate myself for gooning and how much i want to cut but I'm scared of cutting because i don't want to cut but i do want to cut i want to cut i want to self harm i just want to to something but i don't want to see that spurt again i don't want to risk that but i just can't fucking take it why am i like this i can't even just enjoy a voice call with my friend playing games together without sone random thing triggering my brain to go on a downward spiral of hate and make me hate myself or feel envious and jealous or both why am i like that why can't i just enjoy time with my friend why do i have to be such a negative little bitch just have fun you fucking idiot why why why stop overthinking every single message and every single interaction and stop getting jealous it envious over a fictional fucking character just because they said they were cool stop having sex and hentai and gooning on your mind 24/7 while messaging them you fucking inbred troglodyte why are you like this why is going the only thing you ever think of when you chat with them you know that will just ruin things you need to have boundaries but you willingly ignore them because gooning is the only thing you can think of why just stop it be normal be normal just be fucking normal why can't you be normal why she's everything have to be an ordeal why can't you just be normal to out and talk to people normally stop carrying about every little thing and just be normal go be normal you want friends or l and love and yet you have everyone and everything around you and can only ever talk to people online who are just as weird as you you did this to yourself you deserve this you deserve to have nothing and nobody I'm fucking worthless why

To anyone who has taken or is taking medications here, what was your experience and how did you end up getting prescribed them? Did they help?

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

how long did it take for your medications to have an effect, if any?

 

[dannycho]

Never had good reactions to medications. AP's give me akathisis and SSRIs and SNRIs well send me into a full blown manic episode. I also get really distressing intrusive thoughts and suffer from compulsive behavior. I'm not sure if there's anything to help me anymore except benzo's.

 

[HollowTree]

i've had a few different ssri's, they typically take about a week or two to kick in. they help for sure, but the problem comes when you build a tolerance and they just stop working. been in an endless loop of getting a new prescription> feeling better for a month or two> meds stop working> repeat. it's exhausting.

that's just me tho, definitely at least try em out. hopefully they last longer for you.

 

[corax]

ah, i've been on SSRIs a few times. i tend to have issues with dissociating and noticing my own emotions in general (alexithymia), and most meds i tried did make me kinda more stable but also more numb. and that's something i dislike strongly. the way i got to them was by going to my gp and telling them my symptoms, which are consistent with depression/anxiety/ptsd and some other shite. gotta admit the pills were useful in the short term tho. put things in perspective, in a way.

it's a good tool if used right, and for some people, it may present a feasible long-term solution or at least help significantly. i know several people who have made great strides concerning their mental health with the help of medication, so i respect it, and it's probably good to give it a try. it's an option worth exploring - and even if meds don't help long-term (or in the way you wish they did), the experience can still be useful for learning something about yourself and your needs. that's my stance, anyway. it's still drugs tho, so understandably a bad combo can mess with u.

and i apologise if i'm overstepping here, but some of what you wrote resonated with me, so i'd like to offer some food for thought in the hope that maybe a smidgeon of it might be of use.
I sympathise with how you feel about yourself and... the best (and kinda mean sounding) advice i can give you for dealing with it is that you're really not that important. obviously you are important as a person, but what (if anything) makes you more important than anyone else? and if the answer is nothing, that begs the question of what makes you more worthless than anyone else. comparatively, it's not dissimilar in that the importance and value judgements are a deeply personal and subjective issue. we cannot be truly objective about anything anyway, so it's up to us to ascertain what it means to be a worthy/worthless or evil/good person. what makes you worse than anyone else you know? is it truly something unique to you, or is it something that could be applied more broadly? is there something about you that you feel you couldn't forgive a loved one? is feeling terrible truly such a sin? i don't know you, but from this post, it doesn't sound like you did anything evil. it just sounds like you're suffering. and my heart goes out to you.

i think meds might be worth a try, and i hope you give them a shot. and even if you cannot see why, your friends and family do like you. they see something in you that makes you worthy of love and affection and care, since they're willing to give it. and the fact that you feel worthless and evil doesnt make it so; feelings aren't facts. feelings are information and signals to further interpret and work with.

well. i've used quite a few quick and dirty "logic" shortcuts there to simplify what's already a needlessly complicated post, i'm sorry if it doesnn't make sense or if i'm going about it all wrong. sorry if it isn't useful. i'm pretty limited in my capacity to reply regularly or in a timely manner, but if you need to talk, i'll listen.

 

[Afterglow]

I was on a couple meds through my psychiatrist of 50mg of Duloxetine (SSNRI), 5mg of Aripiprazole, 125mg of Lamotrigine, all for MDD and mood stabilization, and I felt genuinely happy and real again for a couple months after about 8 months of serious depression. It was refreshing for sure. That was back in early 2024 though. I started falling back into a serious depressive spiral and my psychiatrist thought I was taking the piss, so she just said "Yeah, your meds look good, you'll be fine :)"

I was in fact, not fine. Back in September after a serious break up and the end of my last chance of having a real life, I cold turkey'd all of my meds and it fucked me up for a while. I'm back to normal I think now. Although my normal is a seriously depressed loser who talks about suicide but is too scared to act on it even with a handgun right in front of her as she is typing this.

So yeah, they helped for a few months. Then medical malpractice rang the doorbell and reminded me that my sentence in hell isn't over yet.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

i just wish all if this could end and i could be normal

 

[Afterglow]

i just wish all if this could end and i could be normal

It's a reasonable thing to want.

I think most of us here wish that we could just be happy and live.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

even when im in a "good" mood, everything just feels like shit. everything is shit. nothing ever feels right. it feels like every minute action i make is always the wrong one and i can never stop thinking about ever. sometimes i wish i could just be lobotomized or a vegetable or something, just sitting around never thinking or doing anything ever. thats probably the only way i wouldnt feel like a piece of shit. im just tired of everything, i wish i was the only human being on earth so i could just enjoy a lifetime of pure solitude, never having to interact with anyone or stress over every single interaction i make worrying about everything. if there was proof of an afterlife or of ghosts id probably ctb just so i wouldnt have to deal with any of this anymore

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

I moved here to tennessee a few months ago, i still dont have a primary care doctor and im working on getting health insurance through my work. this thursday when i go to get my stitches removed, im going to talk with the doctor there and see if i can find some way to be prescribed something lije adderal, ssris, mood stabilizers, depression meds, anything really. i just need something. something to make everything feel less like shit. i would rather be numb, hollow and emotionless from medications than continue to feel like this everyday. im not right, everyday everything feels like shit. my brain feels foggy, i cant focus on anything, i have no motivation, i can only ever think about things like how i have almost no real friends or how desperately i just want to be held by someone and show some kind of intimacy with someone, but it feels like I'll never have that and it just plagues my brain all day and all night. its even worse because i cant/dont want to cut anymore. i dont have anything to try and cope or ignore these thoughts and feelings besides just gooning. i am envious of every single person i see and i dont know how to stop feeling that way. i see someone having fun with their friends and it makes me hate myself because i dont have any irl friends and i barely talk with my online friends. I see couples irl or in media and it makes me feel like shit. like im worthless, unwanted, lonely, an incel. i feel like im ugly and dont deserve love, ive never had a girlfriend and i cant see myself ever having one. bobody would want me. im ugly and mentally unwell and dont even know how to maintain a relationship. i wish i had something else besides cutting or gooning to not feel like all this. im tired of being alone but every single social interaction i have just feels like another opportunity for things to go wrong. for me to fuck up and piss the other person off or offend them without even realizing i did anything wrong. its always like that. its always been like that. for my entire life ive always been in the wrong. i always just wanna pal around and have fun, but then afterwards ill overhear about how i pissed everyone off or dod something wrong or bad, when i never even realized or meant to. i cant do it anymore, i wish i had a billion dollars so i could just lock myself in my room and never have to leave ever again i fucking hate myself, im broken and cant relate or socialize with anyone and everyone hates me and i hate myself i fucking hate this i fucki!g hate it i just want to be normal i want to be able to talk to people without feeling like its a chore or a burden or awkward and weird or constantly feeling like i have to walk on eggshells because its happened so many fucking goddamn times in my whole life that i never know if anything i donor say will offend someone or be seen as wrong and ill fuck everything up again and want to kill myself

 

[BlueMist96]

I don't think I'm compatible with medication. I tried three or four SSRI's, and the side effects were brutal. Prozac was the last I tried, and it gave me chronic dry eyes and messed with my vision. I don't think I'll be trying anything more.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

"you're so mature for your age"

that comment has so many different meanings and implications to it
A winter's day
In a deep and dark December

I am alone
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock I am an island

I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain
I am a rock I am an island

Don't talk of love
Well I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock I am an island

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock I am an island

And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

Update: I got back from my follow up appointment to have my stitches taken out and i got prescribed Sertraline and Hydroxyzine. Im looking forward to taking them, i hope they can help in some way.

 

[angelhopes]

I only tried SSRI for literally 4 days and it sent me into a full blown panic attack. I was having a hard time breathing and I've just been crying all day for those 4 days with the only break of me sleeping. The withdrawal was hell too, I was so depressed and very suicidal for like a week. I also experienced Brain Zaps.

But keep in mind that im also really sensitive to medications I believe so I just stopped taking it all fully. My doctor tried to give me a none SSRI medication in return but I chose not to pick it up cus I was too scared LOL. I heard it works great for other people though so dont be afraid to try it.

 

[dirkw83]

I was on Olanzapine for a while (half a year more or less). When I quit it totally destroyed my ability to sleep. I'm regaining it very slowly, over months. If your doctor prescribes this shit to you be very careful.

 

[gardenhouse]

I tried setraline for 2 weeks, the side effects was brutal, i already have insomnia and made my insomnia worse and low sex drive, bad gastric reflux, my whole mouth was acidic, will never try again.

 

[Merocero]

i have been trying a bunch of meds for a few years now and nothing seems to help, both ssri's and snri's sk far, but im also... not properly diagnosed because of my clinic being... well pretty cheap when it comes to patient care,, all meds were prescribed on visits with a psychiatrist. I only got to feel better when there was no worry about money and no real responsibilities id have to worry about,, I will be trying more meds but so far i really didnt get to feel better on em :((

 

[enne]

oh xanax and vyvanse, my beloveds… i miss you so. mommy misses you so much.

 

[BillyBob]

Have been on medications most of my life for depression etc.
Mostly bad reactions to them all and they finally done a special test on me and my body absorbs certain types super fast while others are slow causing all sorts of side effects like collapsing or insomnia or just over dosing on it.
Benzos I have a super bad reaction to them. I actually black out for half a day or so until I come back around. Can not remember anything within the hours that happened at all. That includes driving places and talking to people even shopping lol. So I can not take them anymore :(

I am now on very little in terms of medications since I went cold turkey on them and are now mainly on supplements to keep my vitamins and minerals stable.

 

[Defenestration]

I've tried quite a few different medications and none of them have really helped... Now I'm on a heavy course of treatment (antidepressants, benzodiazepines, mood stabilizers, neuroleptics)... I've been on it for over 5 years and it doesn't relieve my symptoms anymore... but without it, it would be worse

 

[soaringskies]

im 99% sure zoloft made me more depressed but i cant prove it. fuckin ahte it, planning on seeinf if i can go back to my ashd meds

 

[Defenestration]

im 99% sure zoloft made me more depressed but i cant prove it. fuckin ahte it, planning on seeinf if i can go back to my ashd meds

I take zoloft since many years...not me.more depressed

 

[Lost Magic]

Since my gp doesn't prescribe the good meds, I have been stuck taking Prozac for years. It makes me numb. I have only two options sad or numb.

 

[Defenestration]

Since my gp doesn't prescribe the good meds, I have been stuck taking Prozac for years. It makes me numb. I have only two options sad or numb.

You can't ask him to change???

 

[The Eternal One]

My experience was always either neutral (medications did nothing, except for the placebo effect, when my mood was elevated for the first few days over possibility of getting better) or negative (random painful libido spikes, elevated anxiety and panic attacks or, on the other hand, extreme sleepiness and zombie-like state).
Being off-meds is, unironically, the best state for me, despite it being pretty miserable and nothing to write home about. It's just with meds I was even worse off, on top of spending insane amount of money on them in a very poor country.

 

[TheBag]

I have serious OCD and I've been on sleep medication for most of my life. I started with Temazepam, then Lormetazepam, followed by Oxazepam, and for the last forty years Zolpidem. Particularly that last one works really well for me with relatively little side effects (I never take more than one per night).

However, my OCD has gotten a lot worse this last year. Back in my youth I used Anafranil (TCA) and it worked well for my OCD. Anafranil Is the only antidepressant that has a direct positive impact on OCD symptoms. However, recently I learned that TCAs carry the risk (albeit small) of developing Tardive Dyskinesia. TA scares the living daylights out of me and I don't want to take any chances (not even 1%).

 

[FoxSauce]

Ive taken a few throught the years but side effects can outweighs the goods?

Im still trying to find a combination that works for me is been a hell of a journey.

But I hope I can find answers soon ig

 

[Defenestration]

The medications make you hungry all the time and cause weight gain.