What was I even planning to do?

[YarXn]

I had a complete emotional breakdown at work yesterday. I left early and formulated some sort of plan to get myself into a hospital. It wasn't an attempt to CTB because I was fully planning to call paramedics. I was going to try to cut my posterior tibial artery and see how much blood I can drain into a bucket before calling for help. Death via bloodloss is my fantasy for catching the bus (I know it's a shitty way to do it). I was gonna see if I *could* do it.

 

[zilchtheoaf]

You are a much braver individual than I. Even as someone who has a history of cutting, just the thought of veins and blood loss makes me ill, even in small amounts. Maybe I'm just too dehydrated.

Kinda artsy way to go though, in a way I can't fully understand or explain. When I was a kid I had a similar idea, although I was a bit more dramatic with it. However, (whether you want to hear it or not,) I'm glad you didn't go through with it on the off chance you didn't get the result you wanted, health care's expensive and all (unless you're lucky enough to have it for free, of course).

 

[YarXn]

You are a much braver individual than I. Even as someone who has a history of cutting, just the thought of veins and blood loss makes me ill, even in small amounts. Maybe I'm just too dehydrated.

Kinda artsy way to go though, in a way I can't fully understand or explain. When I was a kid I had a similar idea, although I was a bit more dramatic with it. However, (whether you want to hear it or not,) I'm glad you didn't go through with it on the off chance you didn't get the result you wanted, health care's expensive and all (unless you're lucky enough to have it for free, of course).

I do live in a place where I can get insured for cheap, so it's covered. And I was insured way before this was an issue so I'm good on money.

I wanted to fill a clear bucket with my blood so I could see it. The sight of my own blood really calms me has since the week I was in the military.

I wouldn't have gotten the results I wanted for sure since I don't have any of the right tools (no scalpel) and I'm no terminator and I don't have any way to numb my foot aside from drinking; which I don't do because I want to be completely lucid.