Venting What the .... is going on ???

[Quarky00]

I slept rough .. I'm bruised & wounded .. (previously)

Now sitting in a luxurious room , crying , overwhelmed ...

Few hours ago cried on bench next to the homeless (being part of). Public place, I could barely move (freezing), had to stop drinking & hold urine 8 hours. Nearly did SN right there in the open. Motel I was staying at previously was similar hell. Today's motel made an error so I got free crazy upgrade. Brand new private 2 floors w/ balcony. I am resting on a reclining bed, bewildered. I don't care for luxury just want peace.

FUCK SOCIAL WORKER. I waited two hours asshole didn't bother just phoned reception from upstairs office "no time and I'm on vacation tomorrow". Dude, bleeding disabled person and you don't have 5 minutes?

UNEMPLOYMENT CENTRE. Say what? I walked randomly and aimlessly and it was nearby and heated. Told a young girl there everything. No fuss or drama, no cliches -- she looked me straight in the eyes, nodded, and said "Yeah I get it" (she did more; long story). First time ctb acknowledged IRL.

HEATING, GOD! Two years no heating (landlord: rot in hell), freezing night on streets, I am sooo warm now. Funny lovely tingling sensation you humans have.

I constantly write in my notebook (handwritten) and this post was re-written so many times. Everything turns within an hour. Cannot believe it myself. I swear I'm not delusional, took pictures to make sure it's real myself... Sounds like 'good news' but it ain't. All temp changes false hopes etc. I have emotionally hit lowest point than I thought was possible. Void of any emotion whatsoever. Kill a puppy, I don't care. I feel deep utter disregard for all living things. Not wishing harm though. Streets+SW+shit changed me. Sorry for profanity. Love


I'm just waiting for the piano to drop... (Real calamity here but small chuckle allowed; feels very looney tunes)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Oh Quarky. I'm so sorry. So very sorry. I hate this so much. I want to do anything I can to help. If only...
I love the way you write, you express so well the anguish you are going through you poor soul.
You have a brief reprieve. I know that is a false promise and tomorrow it continues. Thank you for taking the time to post and update. I'm not religious but I'll still pray for you tonight.
And that you are alive and fighting gives testament to your courage.

 

[mesohappy]

Sorry for what your going through.Wish I had money,Id wire some to you..Sucks being down and out and all alone.And the people that can and are supposed to help don't do shit.Enjoy that room and amenities while you got it though.Take fuuuullll advantage of everything.At least you still got your SN (get of life free card?).Hang in there,and I hope more unexpected gifts come to you soon.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I hope you get some sleep tonight Quarky. Will check in with you tomorrow.

 

[Ghost2211]

We are here for you. Sending you love and hugs <3

 

[LegaliseIt!]

I slept rough .. I'm bruised & wounded .. (previously)

Now sitting in a luxurious room , crying , overwhelmed ...

Few hours ago cried on bench next to the homeless (being part of). Public place, I could barely move (freezing), had to stop drinking & hold urine 8 hours. Nearly did SN right there in the open. Motel I was staying at previously was similar hell. Today's motel made an error so I got free crazy upgrade. Brand new private 2 floors w/ balcony. I am resting on a reclining bed, bewildered. I don't care for luxury just want peace.

FUCK SOCIAL WORKER. I waited two hours asshole didn't bother just phoned reception from upstairs office "no time and I'm on vacation tomorrow". Dude, bleeding disabled person and you don't have 5 minutes?

UNEMPLOYMENT CENTRE. Say what? I walked randomly and aimlessly and it was nearby and heated. Told a young girl there everything. No fuss or drama, no cliches -- she looked me straight in the eyes, nodded, and said "Yeah I get it" (she did more; long story). First time ctb acknowledged IRL.

HEATING, GOD! Two years no heating (landlord: rot in hell), freezing night on streets, I am sooo warm now. Funny lovely tingling sensation you humans have.

I constantly write in my notebook (handwritten) and this post was re-written so many times. Everything turns within an hour. Cannot believe it myself. I swear I'm not delusional, took pictures to make sure it's real myself... Sounds like 'good news' but it ain't. All temp changes false hopes etc. I have emotionally hit lowest point than I thought was possible. Void of any emotion whatsoever. Kill a puppy, I don't care. I feel deep utter disregard for all living things. Not wishing harm though. Streets+SW+shit changed me. Sorry for profanity. Love


I'm just waiting for the piano to drop... (Real calamity here but small chuckle allowed; feels very looney tunes)

View attachment 26259

That you are in this situation is so effed up. So wrong.
I want to help. I am crying.

 

[voyager]

Sorry, Quarky. Wish it wasn't so. But as stated above, there's nothing wrong with giving youself a treat. Hope you find some solace soon.

 

[faust]

Although, this is a story about yourself, but it is written the way that it feels like all that happened to me...
It is good you got a chance to stay warm even for a while.
I hope the life will become more friendly to you, I do not want you to struggle...
In addition to that, social workers are sometimes very rude.
When I was on the edge and was seeking for help, I had 3 appointments with social worker: 2 of them were cancelled and during the last one I have waited for 2 hours because she merely decided not to come.
Please, feel free to notify us of what is going on.
We are here to listen!
Sending you hugs

 

[Lostandfound7]

Oh @Quarky00 it is so good to hear from u!!! I have been thinking about u n was hoping that u were ok! I am happy that u at least have a warm bed to lay ur head in tonight..
**Plz pm me so I can at least send u some $ for lunch or whatever..
***I am believing that ur "free upgrade" is just the beginning of a very fortunate turn of events in your life! BFF..

 

[Heady_Cerebrum]

Please enjoy all the amenities of the room you can. I'm sure the bath is quite nice.

 

[foreveryoung]

I can relate, it's like in this world we are all meant to suffer whatever we do, and maybe CTB is just our fate, the answer to it all. We need to get out of here asap. That's how I feel at least. In this world nobody respects your so called rights. Everyone is out for themselves. Money, fame, sex etc or whatever selfish pursuit over others. Even my own family members are like that. They are all too busy trying to make an illusionary profit to notice that you are suffering or someone is being hurt. Its not going to change, because thats maybe human nature, we could end up like that too if we are too into this life like the others, but we, I know theres another choice, we can get out of here if we do it right.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

@Quarky00 are you there, how are you doing?

 

[MsMaudlin]

Sending you love and strength ❤

The way humans are treated by other humans (social workers, job coaches etc) is absolutely disgusting.

We value you, hope you have managed to rest and get warm ❤

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I don't know you but, I hope you're ok. I'm sorry for all the suffering you've gone through.

 

[jgm63]

Well, we love you @Quarky00
Our very own resident librarian....
I hope you find peace very soon.

 

[Quarky00]

I've read each reply but hard to grasp because cannot cope with personal situation / reality now (and must rest). Avoidance? I much rather help others. But wow, it felt so good reading that

I've passed beyond "depression" or "distress" to a dark place (I don't mind). Your perspective, stories (assholes), appreciation, kind words, or willingness
– here and elsewhere! – are keeping a shred of humanity and decency in me.

Prolonged cold/starvation caused serious GI issues, hope it'd get better tomorrow. Other than stomach I'm doing better and physically recovering (slowly). It is such a big empty useless house, lots of 'smart' appliances.. I just cherish the bed and heating.. It feels soooo good:)

 

[jgm63]

I've read each reply but hard to grasp because cannot cope with personal situation / reality now (and must rest). Avoidance? I much rather help others. But wow, it felt so good reading that

I've passed beyond "depression" or "distress" to a dark place (I don't mind). Your perspective, stories (assholes), appreciation, kind words, or willingness
– here and elsewhere! – are keeping a shred of humanity and decency in me.

Prolonged cold/starvation caused serious GI issues, hope it'd get better tomorrow. Other than stomach I'm doing better and physically recovering (slowly). It is such a big empty useless house, lots of 'smart' appliances.. I just cherish the bed and heating.. It feels soooo good:)

Wishing you some blessed and healing rest @Quarky00

Sweet dreams and see you tomorrow.....

 

[brokerofsecrets]

Oh man, I absolutely admire your ability to laugh in the face of anguish. Wishing you all the best.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I've read each reply but hard to grasp because cannot cope with personal situation / reality now (and must rest). Avoidance? I much rather help others. But wow, it felt so good reading that

I've passed beyond "depression" or "distress" to a dark place (I don't mind). Your perspective, stories (assholes), appreciation, kind words, or willingness
– here and elsewhere! – are keeping a shred of humanity and decency in me.

Prolonged cold/starvation caused serious GI issues, hope it'd get better tomorrow. Other than stomach I'm doing better and physically recovering (slowly). It is such a big empty useless house, lots of 'smart' appliances.. I just cherish the bed and heating.. It feels soooo good:)

Just glad you are alive. One step at a time. Curl up in the warm bed and sod everything else for a while. And I can still see your decency. Even in your darkest time your humour makes me laugh.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hello my Love,@Quarky00 . Happy to hear from u. Enjoy the warmth n comfort of your upgrade. This is only the beginning of upgrades in your life. I speak that into existence..

 

[Quarky00]

@Lostandfound7 , really weird situation -- I had some money but couldn't eat or drink Because I was freezing , wounded , dirty , stomach pain , and no toilets. I have existing GI issues and disability so it was almost impossible to eat , or walk. Most places would have thrown me out. And I wouldn't even drink the water I had (can't pee)... shitty deadlock

I clicked first motel on phone before it dies and dragged bony ass there (just 300m but hard) :)
-

Just glad you are alive. One step at a time. Curl up in the warm bed and sod everything else for a while. And I can still see your decency. Even in your darkest time your humour makes me laugh.

Dark humour.. Thanks for that. (I'm only human where there are humans- here!)

 

[Lostandfound7]

@Lostandfound7 , really weird situation -- I had some money but couldn't eat or drink Because I was freezing , wounded , dirty , stomach pain , and no toilets. I have existing GI issues and disability so it was almost impossible to eat , or walk. Most places would have thrown me out. And I wouldn't even drink the water I had (can't pee)... shitty deadlock

I clicked first motel on phone before it dies and dragged bony ass there (just 300m but hard) :)

Wow..that is def amazing!.I take that as meaning someone/something is def keeping u here with us, so u cant go anywhere for now..*shrugs shoulders*
I'm sounding selfish n I honestly dont give a damm!..lol..
-plz pm me if u need help with anything..
I have been to maaaany hotels all over the world n have NEVER received an upgrade like that! Esp since u said u weren't looking too "decent." Things r looking up my friend.

 

[Quarky00]

I have been to maaaany hotels all over the world n have NEVER received an upgrade like that! Esp since u said u weren't looking too "decent." my friend.

Owner has just few properties, overbooked, avoid bad rating? "Guest thrown to street", the irony cleaned up well though

I'm part of gentrification now, like private vain house centre of the city, could have housed dozens.. Owner also poured his guts for hours: existential angst, things have no value.. Dude you're part of it! Quarky, homeless therapist for the rich. (I give SS full permission over movie rights)

 

[jgm63]

Owner has just few properties, overbooked, avoid bad rating? "Guest thrown to street", the irony cleaned up well though

I'm part of gentrification now, like private vain house centre of the city, could have housed dozens.. Owner also poured his guts for hours: existential angst, things have no value.. Dude you're part of it! Quarky, homeless therapist for the rich. (I give SS full permission over movie rights)

You'll soon have your own reality TV show.....
"Quack Quarky" Beverly Hills Therapist....

 

[Quarky00]

@jgm63 Stay tuned

You can use my raw footage -- I actually document everything .

Useful , as medical staff lie , and now under investigation (was notified last week lol) . Quacky Quarky on a mission ! to be continued ...lol

 

[Deleted member 1465]

@jgm63 Stay tuned

You can use my raw footage -- I actually document everything .

Useful , as medical staff lie , and now under investigation (was notified last week lol) . Quacky Quarky on a mission ! to be continued ...lol

Quacky Quarky, love it!

 

[Lostandfound7]

Owner has just few properties, overbooked, avoid bad rating? "Guest thrown to street", the irony cleaned up well though

I'm part of gentrification now, like private vain house centre of the city, could have housed dozens.. Owner also poured his guts for hours: existential angst, things have no value.. Dude you're part of it! Quarky, homeless therapist for the rich. (I give SS full permission over movie rights)

I love it my @Quarky00 !! Things r def looking up for u! Just remember us lowly ppl over here when u come into ur riches..! "SS who??"

 

[Quarky00]

Aggressive incident with SW ..... I should be hospitalized soon, or get full rehabilitation

I'm well physically. 10d constipation ended. Intestinal pain was hell (barely ate now stuffing myself).

House is ridiculous.... Owner bought "smart trash can", sensors settings (wtf)... I taunt it when I pass by lol

 

[Deleted member 1465]

What was the incident?

I've had 2 weeks with constipation. I know that pain. Turned away from hospital with it. Had to OD on laxatives and I still do everyday to survive.

Really glad you are improving health wise.

can", sensors settings (wtf)... I taunt it when I pass by lol

 

[Quarky00]

@Underscore , God , two weeks ! And for it to continue , thats awful . How do you survive?

SW said --

"People file complaints against me every day – if there's a week without I'm be surprised"​

I was stunned. I turned on my "full psycho mode". Told him being recorded bragging about malpractice is big faux pas -- start lawyering up. Things turned into Inquisition, I was nasty cold and cruel , and hammered through him. I told him "I got nothing to lose and I'm untraceable -- I can do anything I want" (smiling here). Target was severely distressed and panicking

Little weasel squirmed "what do you want me to do???".