Venting What the fuck's wrong with me? I have no right to be depressed

[JustKillBen22]

Every shitty part of my life is a direct consequence of me being a useless fucking asshole for my entire life and ruining everything, while watching myself do this, knowing I am doing this, and doing it fucking anyway. For as long as I can remember I have been lazy as shit, I never put effort into ANYTHING I didn't absolutely want to, I destroyed every friendship I had with my awful personality and attitude, I wouldn't want to talk to me, how could I expect anyone else to want to. I could be fine, I could've got through college, I could be at uni, or I could have a job, I could have people I trust, I could feel like people care about me or love me, I could be happy. I don't have some illness, I haven't had some traumatic event or shitty childhood or any of it. I am just a lazy sack of shit who over a decade destroyed his own life because it was easier than putting in even a tiny bit of effort. I do not have any right to be depressed, people go through so much worse, SO MUCH WORSE, and get through it fine. I'm too lazy to get a job, I just live with my mum and sleep and cry and do nothing else. Do I even deserve to die, I just long for some psycho to break in and fucking murder me randomly, why? Because its easier than actually trying. What the fuck is wrong with me...

 

[RedFoxSwims]

Hey there friend. Depression takes some of us for no reason it doesn't matter if you deserve the feelings or not. I myself have had a decent life yet still get depressed. It wasn't my fault it just happens to some of us. Perhaps your laziness happens because you have no energy which is a symptom of depression. That's all I want to say. Peace and take care of yourself.

 

[Lilacmoon]

No one needs a right to be depressed. You feel what you feel. Depression might be part of the having no motivation thing. I get that too a lot. It's easy to destroy relationships, especially for people like us. Have a hug, and feel free to vent as much as you may need. I hope it helps you even a little.

 

[whywere]

Depression robs a person of energy, wanting to do things..etc..You are NOT lazy at all it is the damn depression, I am the same way. Lots of hugs and love to you!

 

[ZeroChance888]

Wish I could take your pain away my friend. I feel you, I have a good established well paying career in finance, a beautiful new custom built home, a luxury vehicle, a loving teenager, a spouse/long term marriage, all my immediate family, and acceptable health. Yet all I want to do is end my suffering, I'm tired of faking this life. A life that outsiders would deem desirable and I just want out. We can't control these demons in our heads that make us give up, don't be so hard on yourself. You are not "choosing" this, it chose you. You are fighting every day, that always counts for something. Sending lots of love, hugs and support <3

 

[Ghost2211]

It makes me sad to see you hate yourself so much. Depression doesn't take away your value. People get labeled as lazy for low energy and depression a lot. It might help if you focus on the things you do well in life regardless of how small they may seem.

 

[JustKillBen22]

It makes me sad to see you hate yourself so much. Depression doesn't take away your value. People get labeled as lazy for low energy and depression a lot. It might help if you focus on the things you do well in life regardless of how small they may seem.

I don't do anything well, not anymore. I just have nothing, because of all of my mistakes...

 

[MariV]

its like that. life is a bad joke. there are people livong with ALS who can only move their eyes and are happy. and there are young, rich and sexy models commiting suicide. dont blame yourself. you didnt choose to be like you are, did you?

Wish I could take your pain away my friend. I feel you, I have a good established well paying career in finance, a beautiful new custom built home, a luxury vehicle, a loving teenager, a spouse/long term marriage, all my immediate family, and acceptable health. Yet all I want to do is end my suffering, I'm tired of faking this life. A life that outsiders would deem desirable and I just want out. We can't control these demons in our heads that make us give up, don't be so hard on yourself. You are not "choosing" this, it chose you. You are fighting every day, that always counts for something. Sending lots of love, hugs and support <3

i think that you maybe have anhedonia?

 

[Rubyandthemoon]

This isn't your fault. You don't have to have trauma or bad experiences to be depressed. But if you haven't, go to a doctor, because if you're depressed over "nothing" then a chemical imbalance could be in play. My dad is plainly mentally ill, he has a diagnosis and still says he is not, and in the meantime he is running his entire life to the ground. If he got help, it would be different. Maybe it can be for you too.

 

[Ghost2211]

I don't do anything well, not anymore. I just have nothing, because of all of my mistakes...

Sometimes the things I consider I did well can be very small. Like I cleaned part of the house, ate something, or took a shower. Even small successes are a good thing.

 

[greebo6]

Every shitty part of my life is a direct consequence of me being a useless fucking asshole for my entire life and ruining everything, while watching myself do this, knowing I am doing this, and doing it fucking anyway. For as long as I can remember I have been lazy as shit, I never put effort into ANYTHING I didn't absolutely want to, I destroyed every friendship I had with my awful personality and attitude, I wouldn't want to talk to me, how could I expect anyone else to want to. I could be fine, I could've got through college, I could be at uni, or I could have a job, I could have people I trust, I could feel like people care about me or love me, I could be happy. I don't have some illness, I haven't had some traumatic event or shitty childhood or any of it. I am just a lazy sack of shit who over a decade destroyed his own life because it was easier than putting in even a tiny bit of effort. I do not have any right to be depressed, people go through so much worse, SO MUCH WORSE, and get through it fine. I'm too lazy to get a job, I just live with my mum and sleep and cry and do nothing else. Do I even deserve to die, I just long for some psycho to break in and fucking murder me randomly, why? Because its easier than actually trying. What the fuck is wrong with me...

It isn't your fault . Its the Depression . It is ruthless and cruel and its always hungry for more .I hope things can somehow get better for you.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

If it helps to remind yourself yourself that you have illnesses and that's causing you to feel low in motivation, the tiredness and fatigue can be so debilitating