What song describes how you're feeling? For me, it's Bohemian Rhapsody. "Nothing really matters, nothing really matters to me".
Since being told it was likely Freddie's coming out song i can't unhear it anymore.
i'm really feeling these lyrics:
"I see black skies, and white lies, I'd rather be
Dead, filling my head with different enemies
Thoughts consuming me, fueling my insecurities
As the ground right under me crumbles as if it wasn't there
It's too much, my heart's crushed, I'm not alive
I won't allow myself happiness 'cause it's all lies
I've seen the pain, I've run away so many times
Death and I are companions, it's here at all times."
"I care too much, wanna share too much, in my head too much
I shut down too, I ain't there too much
I'm a complex soul, they layered me up
Then broke me down, and morality's dust, I lack in trust
(And I'm tripping and falling)
This time around, I trust myself
Please everybody else but myself
All else fails, I was myself"
"Masks on the babies, mask on an opp
Wear masks in the neighborhood stores you shop
But a mask won't hide who you are inside
Look around, the reality's carved in lies
Wipe my ego, dodge my pride
(And I'm tripping and falling)
Look myself in the mirror
Amityville, ain't seen nothin' scarier
I fought like a pitbull terrier
Blood I shed could fill up aquariums
Tell all my angels, "Carry 'em"
(And I'm tripping and falling)
Every emotion been deprived
Even my strong points couldn't survive"
You might appreciate some of the lyrics in this last one too
@sserafim
"Your stinking resolution is no type of solution
Preventing me from freedom, maintaining your pollution
I won't support your lie no more
I won't even try no more"
"I won't be compromised no more
I can't be victimized no more
I just don't sympathize no more, 'cause now I understand
You just wanna use me
You say "love" then abuse me
You never thought you'd lose me
But how quickly we forget that nothin' is for certain
You thought I'd stay here hurtin'
Your guilt trip's just not workin', repressin' me to death"
"No more compromises
I see past your disguises
Blinding me through mind control
Stealing my eternal soul"
"See, what you see is what you get
Oh, and you ain't seen nothin' yet
Oh, I don't care if you're upset
I could care less if you're upset
See, it don't change the truth
And your hurt feeling's no excuse
To keep me in this box
Psychological locks
Repressin' true expression
Cementin' this repression
Promotin' mass deception
So that no one can be healed
I don't respect your system
I won't protect your system
When you talk I don't listen"
"I've just accepted what you said
Keeping me among the dead
The only way to know
Is to walk to learn and grow
But faith is not your speed
Oh, you'd have everyone believe
That you're the sole authority
Just follow the majority
Afraid to face reality—the system is a joke
Oh, you'd be smart to save your soul
Oh, and escape this mind control
You spent your life in sacrifice to a system for the dead
Oh, are you sure, where is the passion in this living?"
"Obligated to a system
Getting less then you're deserving
Who made up these schools, I say
Who made up these rules, I say
Animal conditioning
Oh, just to keep us as a slave"
I want to get to be happy 
