Discussion What Keeps You Here?

[hikikomorizombie]

just curious as to what u personally struggle w the most abt this whole thing. what's keeping u stuck here?

for me it's getting past that good ole primal self preservation instinct. neither a gun nor pills are an option for me, so i've literally been on the edge many times, & i just can't get over it. not a fan, lmao.

 

[TransientEternal]

Same here, instinct and fear.

 

[passivethought121]

Access. I can't afford privacy or the method itself.

 

[onemorenight]

I want to make it to 27.

And I hate the idea of a mortician molesting my dead body.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

I want to make it to 27.

And I hate the idea of a mortician molesting my dead body.

why 27? if u don't mind me asking.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm not good enough at dying just like how I'm not good enough to want to work my way through life. In fact, one of the reasons for me wanting death in the first place is so that I don't have to work or go through any hardships

 

[onemorenight]

why 27? if u don't mind me asking.

27 Club - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

I heard of it many, many years ago. Ofc I was a suicidal teen back then, too. It's not that I'm a celebrity or a musician.. I've just always thought 27 was a good age to have experienced enough life to know if it's worth living or not.

By 27, you've most likely had at least one relationship. Finished school/started a career. A life. Made deep connections/friendships with other humans.

And I've done none of the above ahah. I started university. Started a career. Fell in love with someone. And it all went terribly, irreparably wrong.

So it's time for me to go.

 

[divinemistress36]

Fear of a failed attempt and ending up as a vegetable

 

[Forever Sleep]

Want to wait for my Dad to go first and fear.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case it's the fact that suicide is purposely made so inaccessible, I'd also fear trying to die going wrong and just leading to way more suffering. It disgusts me how we exist in this society where suicide isn't accepted as a valid option, to me it'd be such a relief to be able to just eternally cease existing in peace, I only wish for an eternal, dreamless sleep.

 

[Catch-22]

Trying to figure out if I have the right combination of meds to OD.... I thought I finally had it figured out but last night I realized I might not. I have to get this to work somehow that's why I'm still here or I would be gone!

 

[MeaningDork]

just curious as to what u personally struggle w the most abt this whole thing. what's keeping u stuck here?

for me it's getting past that good ole primal self preservation instinct. neither a gun nor pills are an option for me, so i've literally been on the edge many times, & i just can't get over it. not a fan, lmao.

I can't afford most suicide methods.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Cost and a bit of OCD. I mean, there are certain things I want for my CTB plan and those things add to the cost.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

Cost and a bit of OCD. I mean, there are certain things I want for my CTB plan and those things add to the cost.

yeah, $'s really the root of most problems huh? even dying. sucks that even in my final days being alive i'll still have to contribute to capitalism.

 

[caninecomposer]

I was holding out for a very easy, wealthy life where I never had to do anything uncomfortable. That ended up being taken from me and now seems impossible, so I can no longer justify existing. I'm waiting to see if I'm allowed to keep living in my apartment long enough to receive the things I'll be ordering.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

yeah, $'s really the root of most problems huh? even dying. sucks that even in my final days being alive i'll still have to contribute to capitalism.

True. It's ironic, I live in a country where some things are easily accessible and there's no well-fare check BUT since I want things done a certain way I have to spend money.

 

[Dolphin55]

Guilt for hurting others, some last bits of hope for getting better, and fear

 

[thot88]

The way you do it is not a problem. Otherwise, I could leave right away. But I don't want to hurt my grandparents. Grandma and grandpa have been even closer to me than mom and dad.

 

[Alpercino]

No 100% save painless peaceful method. Being a vegetable after an attempt is literally the worst that could happen

 

[bluegodism]

until now? friends and family. now I've reached a point that every day is more than unbearable and i'll be going next week.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

No 100% save painless peaceful method. Being a vegetable after an attempt is literally the worst that could happen

don't worry, jumping from a building 10 stories or taller has a fatality rate of 98%. i also have a brittle bone disease to add on top of that.

if i was working though i'd prob try to save for the helium tank method. seems to be the most painless/peaceful option.

 

[TapeMachine]

Last winter (early Feb 2023), one of my brothers died from a fentanyl overdose. I suspected it was suicide from the start, but now I'm 100% sure after having recently talked to another brother of ours who was with him in his final days.

I don't want to hurt our parents with two deaths so close together. How much grief can they possibly take?

I know I'll break some day, but I'm holding on for as long as I can, I really am... It probably won't come as a surprise to anyone when I do kms though. I think everyone is bracing themselves for the inevitable bad news. I dunno.

As I've said before: I miss my brother dearly, but I'm glad he was finally able to liberate himself from his painful existence.

 

[Dingusguy]

No clue how much I would struggle with my survival instinct. it's been a long time since my last attempt. And while I do want to CTB I don't plan on trying again any time soon, I care too much about my family and friends, not the mention I have pets who depend on me now.
I want to CTB but I don't want to hurt my loved ones, and I don't want to leave my pets to starve or get some inadequate owner. For better or worse I am tied to life for the foreseeable future.

 

[dynastickitten]

My last attempt was interrupted by good ol' SI. That was a couple months ago. But I dunno. I don't really want to die. Not with my smart brain, anyway. The suicidal thoughts are something I'm afflicted with. It's like they prey upon me in vulnerable moments. I want to make it out to the other side like I've done time and time again, but I think they'll kill me this time

 

[matt1968]

I am so so stuck. I have lost my spirit completely but just don't want to go just yet, although I do - am sure this is the only place I can write that and be understood!

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

SI, not wanting to cause any pain for 2 close friends and my executive functioning making it a challenge to get my affairs in order.

Now that my senior pup has passed and with the possibility of my disability benefits getting cut off in the near future, plus being homeless again very soon, I feel a lot more pressure to leave this world right away. My health issues are also getting worse as I age. My time is up.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

I feel a lot more pressure to leave this world right away.

i'm sorry to hear abt ur situation & ur loss</3. i can't relate to most of it, but this part i def can. i've been hoping that being backed into a corner would motivate me to kms asap, but it just still doesn't seem to be something i can push myself to do ://

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I need more time to plan and want to do some things before I reach death. Also I want to avoid getting "safed" and need to find a better location to die.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I am clinging to some miracle possibility that life could get better.
But the odds are very low and not in my favour at all

 

[deadwinter]

I don't know why, but something within me is terrified at the prospect of not existing. Other times, I feel that nonexistence would be beautiful—ultimate peace, the final rest. It's just the uncertainty that unsettles me. I'm the most indecisive person ever, and the finality of suicide frightens me, even though I'm sick of this world.