My reasoning may sound very strange — but there's this guy I want to impress before I CTB.
He was my best friend, and trusted me to confide in him if anything went wrong. I never honored his word, even though we were so close. When life got worse for me, I was still eager to see him, but I found myself broken mentally and emotionally each time we parted. So the days we spent together became more and more spaced out until I closed myself off completely. And then I vanished from his life. For the better, I hope. But I feel like I've put him through much strife that cannot be reversed.
I can't walk back into his life, especially now. But I at least want to do something so he knows how much I cherish him, because simply apologizing doesn't feel like enough. So I've been delving into art. He loved making art, and would always perk up when sharing his creations and ideas with me. It often left him feeling cold though, since there were no actual artists within his social circle he could go to. I was interested in becoming an artist then, but I'm taking it more seriously now. I want to produce something that he'd be over the moon for. I've been working for several months, and fully intend to continue. Even if it's at my expense, I desperately want to give some closure to the dearest person I know. It may sound redundant, and frankly, stupid, but I struggle to go in peace otherwise, like I'm being held captive.
