Discussion What Keeps You Here?

[Dliena]

Numerous stuff like family, pets SI and just waiting for the right time whenever that might be. Hope I can muster the courage to get it over with in my mid to late 20s.

 

[Hotsackage]

Family, dad is transitioning, seeing him in terror as he holds our hands makes my heart melt, but no more suffering

 

[Princess_Kitty]

for me it's my wife. I'm trying to hold on as long as I can for her, because I know she'll be heartbroken when I leave. But, it's just getting harder and harder and every day makes me want to CTB and get it over with. Already have AE and SN on way. So, just matter of when I'll CTB.

 

[kråkevind]

I am too cowardly to pull it off. I start thinking I'll screw it up and become a vegetable. That would be my luck.

 

[MrOptions]

I want to make it to 27.

And I hate the idea of a mortician molesting my dead body.

 

[anxious_depressive]

1) Survival instinct

2 ) Fear of the afterlife / going to hell.
I'm not religious, but the fear is very strong.

 

[sukuna]

the uncertainty of going to hell, I even managed to convince myself that god wouldn't punish the mentally ill for their sins but I tried testing this theory by asking many knowledgeable people on religion and it pretty much boiled down to that im completely wrong and everyone that does it goes to hell no matter what. Growing up with a strong religious background made these feelings hard to shake and trying to convince myself I don't believe anymore doesn't work cause deep inside i still do. I'd really prefer it if there is just absolutely nothing on the other side and that everything up to the point of ctbing would be the last thing any of us would experience before its over, like sleeping with no dreams and not waking up as cliche as that sounds

 

[hairlikesno]

Lack of access to substances that would help me... I NEED HELP. I am begging anyone, please, I will not waste your help, please, please help me on this. T_T

 

[Toobrokentofix]

Fear. Guilt and SI

 

[perfect_stranger]

My family is pressuring me to put through all the of the purposeless filth that is life on this earth.

They might be family, but they are certainly not 'loved ones'.

 

[mark404]

To an extent, I fear what comes after death and whether I may be missing out on good things if I CTB now.
Also I don't really know how I'm actually going to CTB, how to procure the drugs I need.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

We just received news today we were expecting. So we're planning to CTB by early February. We made some quasi-friends at the last hospital and promised to help them with something a little fun and interesting so we might as well see that through quick before we go.

 

[jello]

Guilt and shame. I have wasted too much of my parents' resources.

 

[BlackMoon]

-My cat.
-Fighting SI.
-Need to find antiemes + equivalent to benzos.

 

[Gardenia]

Fear of a failed attempt and ending up as a vegetable

Same for me! I feel you

 

[Yaka]

just curious as to what u personally struggle w the most abt this whole thing. what's keeping u stuck here?

for me it's getting past that good ole primal self preservation instinct. neither a gun nor pills are an option for me, so i've literally been on the edge many times, & i just can't get over it. not a fan, lmao.

Not stuck just happen to be here
Havent found the right moment I guess

 

[Quotable2793]

I'm scared. Scared it will be painful and scared of the unknown after. I'll eventually get over my fear, though.

 

[WhenTheyCry]

I bought sodium nitrite 3 times, and all 3 times I lost to my survival instinct and threw it away thinking life would get better. I'm dumb enough to make this mistake THREE times. Life did not in fact get better, I'm still slowly declining into an inevitable ending where I'll be forced to kill myself out of necessity because my parents will eventually die to prevent myself from living as a homeless beggar. Good job banning sodium nitrite, America, may the people who contributed to this ban rot in hell!

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Here on this site? Well I only came back because my suicidality has reached a near all time high plus someone messaged me to summon me for some reason.

Here in this reality? I'm still here because I'm too lazy to actually stop procrastinating on my death plans. Maybe I'm still clinging to some small hope. Maybe by fumbling into more heartbreak and failed prospects I can finally get the resolve I need to finish myself once and for all. I'm also slightly worried I won't be able to do the SN right even though I've had mine stored in a decent place for over three years.

 

[Adûnâi]

1. I don't have immediate sources of suffering in my life (a lack of socialisation & handholding is not a pressing issue).
2. My mom's having to dispose of my corpse would be awkward.
3. I have some Twitch archives to upload.
4. But most of all, I'm just waiting for AI to fix all of my (our?) issues... let's say, by 2026. Or, at least, change the world sufficiently for the new picture to form which might be even better.

 

[wtg]

It's a safe space for me. No one knows me here, no one judges me here, and no one knows what i did in here.

 

[coldfever]

My reasoning may sound very strange — but there's this guy I want to impress before I CTB.

He was my best friend, and trusted me to confide in him if anything went wrong. I never honored his word, even though we were so close. When life got worse for me, I was still eager to see him, but I found myself broken mentally and emotionally each time we parted. So the days we spent together became more and more spaced out until I closed myself off completely. And then I vanished from his life. For the better, I hope. But I feel like I've put him through much strife that cannot be reversed.

I can't walk back into his life, especially now. But I at least want to do something so he knows how much I cherish him, because simply apologizing doesn't feel like enough. So I've been delving into art. He loved making art, and would always perk up when sharing his creations and ideas with me. It often left him feeling cold though, since there were no actual artists within his social circle he could go to. I was interested in becoming an artist then, but I'm taking it more seriously now. I want to produce something that he'd be over the moon for. I've been working for several months, and fully intend to continue. Even if it's at my expense, I desperately want to give some closure to the dearest person I know. It may sound redundant, and frankly, stupid, but I struggle to go in peace otherwise, like I'm being held captive.

 

[Lavender Dreams]

Mostly guilt, needing to make it as comfortable and simple for everyone else as possible. Only then I'll be able to pass away in relative peace. Also a bit of regret, because I'm aware it's a huge waste. Life could've been much better for me.

 

[rozeske]

S fu*king I

 

[Unattainable666]

Absolutely. On my way out

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I bought sodium nitrite 3 times, and all 3 times I lost to my survival instinct and threw it away thinking life would get better. I'm dumb enough to make this mistake THREE times. Life did not in fact get better, I'm still slowly declining into an inevitable ending where I'll be forced to kill myself out of necessity because my parents will eventually die to prevent myself from living as a homeless beggar. Good job banning sodium nitrite, America, may the people who contributed to this ban rot in hell!

Yes may those who banned SN in America rot in nursing homes old demented in pain wishing for a way out but there are no methods

 

[Agias]

Survival Instinct and my cat

 

[funnyjoy]

The tourniquet method not working

 

[Ash’Girl]

SI. Pets. Guilt over my mother having to grieve another child.

Lighthearted: wanna finish BG3. My current distraction / obsession.

My life is a string of avoidance/distraction mechanisms and maladaptive daydreaming as a coping strategy to existing.

 

[Judah]

Literally, nothing, just I have the hope of die in n accident or something