Help What keeps you going?

[Square251]

I just joined and honestly I'm in a very bad place. What do you do when every time you start to get better and have hope, you just come crashing back down again, and again, and again? At this point, it feels naive to try or even have hope for a better life. How do you keep going when you know you'll always go back to square one in a few days?

 

[Sulyya]

Hi - I hope you can find some help here.

For myself I try to find whatever peace I can at square one or two and only gradually make large life changes. I'm not sure it's an effective way for many people, or even for me personally, really. Getting a stable environment helps a lot probably. Maybe what I have isn't so much hope as a "well maybe" attitude.

Maybe another idea is, instead of going slow. Find something that might help (job, course, moving, therapy or something else) and diving in fast, so anxiety doesn't have time to paralyze you.

Feel free to tell more about what your situation is if you want.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

Well, for starters I try to keep in mind that progress is not linear, and everything is in constant flux—feelings, life circumstances, desires, levels of energy, etc. You will never get to a point where things are consistently getting better without going through setbacks, because that's just not how it works. If that's your expectation, you'll be crashing face-first into disappointment every time things go south. The trick, at least for me, is learning to accept that reality. The overall trend should be moving upwards towards the better, but it's not going to be that way every day, just like the bad days won't be there forever. You can't "know" you'll always go back to square one, even if that's been the patter for months or even years.

That being said, you need to look at your specific situation. What causes you to come crashing back down again and again? Is it something in your environment, like a family or school/work situation? Is it financial? Your physical health? Your mental health? Depending on what you're dealing with, there could be things that need to be addressed so you are not constantly falling back on your ass.

 

[SSGoingInsane]

I just joined and honestly I'm in a very bad place. What do you do when every time you start to get better and have hope, you just come crashing back down again, and again, and again? At this point, it feels naive to try or even have hope for a better life. How do you keep going when you know you'll always go back to square one in a few days?

I VERY VERY HIGHLY recommend trying out one of these 2 things that helped me out a lot (ofc I'm still in a bad place but at least I'm not suicidal 24/7 like I was before). The first is the gym. Somehow it just keeps the voices away and keeps you busier so u don't think about the bad stuff. I was pretty anxious and embarrassed when I started but it was gone by the end of the first week. The second is bicycle riding. Put some music on and drive at a park or a nice road (ofc safely). By the time I get back home, I get a lot calmer and think more clearly.

 

[ScissorYoda]

Knowing the pain I'd cause to family and friends is what keeps me alive. This can often feel like more suffering because without empathy for the ones I'd leave behind I wouldn't have tolerated the lows so far. But essentially my train of thought usually gets to the point where I accept that I am alive, and as long as I'm alive I may as well make the experience as pleasant as possible, which for me means making steps towards making life more enjoyable and fulfilling.

These steps for me are usually exercising, having contact with friends, spending time outdoors, having some kind of hobby that is challenging and has some kind of reward for progress, creative expression, new/no el experiences.

Getting to the point where you can be motivated to make these steps is what I find difficult, it's much easier to wallow in self pity, rock bottom can become a comfort zone.

 

[Challu]

Knowing the pain I'd cause to family and friends is what keeps me alive. This can often feel like more suffering because without empathy for the ones I'd leave behind I wouldn't have tolerated the lows so far. But essentially my train of thought usually gets to the point where I accept that I am alive, and as long as I'm alive I may as well make the experience as pleasant as possible, which for me means making steps towards making life more enjoyable and fulfilling.

These steps for me are usually exercising, having contact with friends, spending time outdoors, having some kind of hobby that is challenging and has some kind of reward for progress, creative expression, new/no el experiences.

Getting to the point where you can be motivated to make these steps is what I find difficult, it's much easier to wallow in self pity, rock bottom can become a comfort zone.

You won't "know" the pain, though? You'd be dead?

The moment I die. Countless decades will pass. Then a new millennium and beyond.

Everyone I know will have died by then. My family will grieve for 50+ years, then they will be replaced by the next centuries progeny.

The emotions I feel won't register to me in the grave. So, why should I or anyone care about their families if they are planning to CTB.

Only reason to care is if you believe that you'll be punished in some kind of spiritual or karmic way.

I lend myself to the spiritual idea.. but tons of people considering CTB, especially on this site, don't believe in anything at all. So.. yeah.. why so serious.

 

[ScissorYoda]

You won't "know" the pain, though? You'd be dead?

The moment I die. Countless decades will pass. Then a new millennium and beyond.

Everyone I know will have died by then. My family will grieve for 50+ years, then they will be replaced by the next centuries progeny.

The emotions I feel won't register to me in the grave. So, why should I or anyone care about their families if they are planning to CTB.

Only reason to care is if you believe that you'll be punished in some kind of spiritual or karmic way.

I lend myself to the spiritual idea.. but tons of people considering CTB, especially on this site, don't believe in anything at all. So.. yeah.. why so serious.i

I won't "know" in the future when I am dead no, I "know" now in the present where I am alive. I appreciate your perspective mine is just different. For me the act is relieving my suffering while placing suffering on other people. There is a tipping point somewhere but it's further towards my suffering because of this dilemma. I completely respect that others see it differently.

 

[Square251]

Hi - I hope you can find some help here.

For myself I try to find whatever peace I can at square one or two and only gradually make large life changes. I'm not sure it's an effective way for many people, or even for me personally, really. Getting a stable environment helps a lot probably. Maybe what I have isn't so much hope as a "well maybe" attitude.

Maybe another idea is, instead of going slow. Find something that might help (job, course, moving, therapy or something else) and diving in fast, so anxiety doesn't have time to paralyze you.

Feel free to tell more about what your situation is if you want.

My situation is basically living in a horrible third world country that's already sinking. It's a Muslim country too so as an agnostic bisexual, it's not even safe for me to show my beliefs or find a partner. My only chance to live a decent life is to gtfo to another country which is extremely difficult. The only way I can do that is by finishing med school and become a doctor. Even then it won't be a sure thing. Med school is already very difficult and being depressed for almost a decade is just making it way worse. I know what I'm supposed to do, I just know that I'm not capable.

Well, for starters I try to keep in mind that progress is not linear, and everything is in constant flux—feelings, life circumstances, desires, levels of energy, etc. You will never get to a point where things are consistently getting better without going through setbacks, because that's just not how it works. If that's your expectation, you'll be crashing face-first into disappointment every time things go south. The trick, at least for me, is learning to accept that reality. The overall trend should be moving upwards towards the better, but it's not going to be that way every day, just like the bad days won't be there forever. You can't "know" you'll always go back to square one, even if that's been the patter for months or even years.

That being said, you need to look at your specific situation. What causes you to come crashing back down again and again? Is it something in your environment, like a family or school/work situation? Is it financial? Your physical health? Your mental health? Depending on what you're dealing with, there could be things that need to be addressed so you are not constantly falling back on your ass.

My triggers are always one of two things. Academic failures and relationship failures. Especially my academic issues since that's my only chance to live a decent life under my circumstances. Unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.

 

[guayabas]

sometimes having low expectations is safer. I can get discouraged if I set expectations for myself that don't get met and then feel like giving up all together. When I recovered 10 years ago, my first goal was just making it through the day, everyday. and once that got easier, I set new goals. brushing my teeth everyday. taking a shower once a week. whatever it is that works for you and is attainable. I hope things get easier for you soon!

 

[Death is my goal]

nothing

 

[guayabas]

I won't "know" in the future when I am dead no, I "know" now in the present where I am alive. I appreciate your perspective mine is just different. For me the act is relieving my suffering while placing suffering on other people. There is a tipping point somewhere but it's further towards my suffering because of this dilemma. I completely respect that others see it differently.

I think it's wonderful you're able to have empathy for your loved ones and that you're able to use that to keep going. I've been staying alive for my kitty. She has really bad anxiety and I'm her only source of comfort and I never wanna do anything that takes that away from her. idc if I won't have to see her suffer. she would suffer and my choices can prevent that