i don't blame u for being scared to try :o i'm scared of jumping too, & from what i've seen on watchpeopledie poisoning's the worst way to go. it sucks that suicide's been shunned so much by society that we have to die in ways we don't want to :// i wish u luck<3
It makes me so sad to hear your scared too, I'm not sure how to explain it (I don't mean you made me feel worse) I think it just makes me so sad someone is in as much pain as I'm feeling (& I know how absolutely awful it is to seriously wanna die but be so scared of the act that it somehow keeps, at least me, alive more & more days. I've actually been so annoyed today as I felt slightly better with depression, in the past that would be good but now it just feels it's taking me further away from my ability to end myself. Sorry that turned into a vent.
I can't blame you for not wanting to complete it, I know personally I could never jump & it would be so hard. It's so unfair euthanasia is so impossible to access.
Even for terminal medical illness in our country they have made it so it's almost impossible for anyone to use it unless they are willing to die before they are ready, eg once someone is considered medically quite unwell (yet still fully capable of choosing logically) they take the choice away. I'm nit sure of the details but a friend's close relative was unable to use it for this reason & had to suffer for weeks. I think it's because they have to decide very near the time they want it to occur.
I've poisoned myself several times, only once was a true attempt, that one was peaceful as you could possibly get (80 zopiclone) well I did vomit them immediately as the taste is awful but I'd barely put them down my throat so I just swallowed them again. The only research articles online at the time (2017) quoted deaths from a few people on much lower doses so I thought it was guaranteed to work. Now im so sad to know I could probably swallow the hundreds I have & not die. The panadol & anti Ds were awful nausea/vomiting even with maxed out antinausea (110% don't recommend).
I've taken a small amount of foxglove before & ended up in coronary care so I know it can be potentially very lethal, however so many factors can effect its potency & the stuff i have is now 2+ years old & it's hard to determine if it loses potency even though I have maybe 30x the amount I took before. I just dont think there would be anything worse then sedating myself nearly into a coma on benzos and then going thru days of godknowswhat and to wake up to a complete mess. I think that would almost be worse then existing in some ways