What is the thing that has made you suicidal?

[ghostspace]

I don't feel that my trauma was bad enough to say that it's due to trauma. I've never felt wanted, even in my small friend groups throughout the years, I'm the person that can be left out and everyone still has a good time, or an even better time, according to my mom. She's said I ruin everything and doesn't want me around her family because I make things difficult and less happy.

I've been inpatient multiple, traumatic times, and completed an IOP with no results. I went to residential treatment for my eating disorder and ptsd, but it didn't help. Now I'm doing ketamine infusions and they don't do much, either, and all of this has cost my family so much money, not to mention therapy twice a week. I don't think I'm fixable and don't want to waste people's time and resources anymore.

 

[adorna]

I don't feel that my trauma was bad enough

Maybe you could be disassociated. I remember feeling like that as a teenager and making up all bullshit stories that I thought was equivalent to how bad I felt to tell other people because I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong. As I got older, I realised I didn't need to make up stories, it really was all pretty bad but my mind was defending me from feeling it all. I mean... thanks mind, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to live with the full force of it all day every day. Disassociation (on this smaller scale) causes the least amount of life hassle out of the cornucopia of mental health complaints. Not all the walls need to come down.

 

[ghostspace]

Maybe you could be disassociated. I remember feeling like that as a teenager and making up all bullshit stories that I thought was equivalent to how bad I felt to tell other people because I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong. As I got older, I realised I didn't need to make up stories, it really was all pretty bad but my mind was defending me from feeling it all. I mean... thanks mind, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to live with the full force of it all day every day. Disassociation (on this smaller scale) causes the least amount of life hassle out of the cornucopia of mental health complaints. Not all the walls need to come down.

Oh my god that's me exactly. I made up so much exaggerated stuff to make people care because I thought otherwise they obviously wouldn't because there was nothing to care about. At the time I didn't understand why I was doing that.

Thank you so much for mentioning your experience, it's helped me a lot and I feel validated. ♡

 

[letmeseethedeath]

the fact people laugh at me for my small hands and my height. this is affecting my life i can't even go outside

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Feeling like I don't belong, isolation, years of bad choices, abusive exs, grief, loss, anger, frustration, lack of feeling, hurt, pain, knowing that I can't change the past.

 

[ghostspace]

the fact people laugh at me for my small hands and my height. this is affecting my life i can't even go outside

people who make comments about other people's appearances are stupid.

I became extremely agoraphobic because I think my face looks deformed and people make constant comments on my 'ambiguous ethnicity' all the time. It cuts straight to the bone to be compared to Björk or to be asked why I have 'Asian eyes' because I don't think I look like her and I'm not Asian. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it just further distorts my self image and keeps me isolated and self conscious (even when I'm alone.)

I am so sorry you're experiencing such abhorrent behavior from people. Physical attributes might seem trivial to some, but it feels devastating to be made fun of for your body, the only thing you truly own and reside in.

 

[ForensicallyAware]

Body dysmorphia

An utterly evil curse

Then again when I did not care about my appearance I was not a happy person

Life has been an enormous headfuck and I'm angry and resentful I never got the things most of the people I grew up with got. Though the more I see of life the more I'm glad I have no partner and children.

 

[nomorepainss]

Financial issues.
i lost everything, i wasn't smart enough
No point in living anymore as a loser
i am pretty sure i will go tonight (IST) by nitrogen lets see whar happens after death,
i am excited though

 

[Cave Johnson]

Body dysmorphia

An utterly evil curse

Then again when I did not care about my appearance I was not a happy person

Life has been an enormous headfuck and I'm angry and resentful I never got the things most of the people I grew up with got. Though the more I see of life the more I'm glad I have no partner and children.

I am right there with you.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

There are so many things now, but it all boils down to severe anxiety. All of my problems I have now, even the chronic akathisia that is torture, are a direct result of severe anxiety, even my depression. Avoiding responsibilities and neglecting self care for years is the reason I'm in the situation I'm in, causing even more stress which makes me more anxious. I've also had partial seizures since I was a teenager and I'm convinced it's wiped my memory, especially long term and has done other damage. Anxiety runs in the family, and it gets worse as I age. My Grandma has lived alone like a hermit for decades, rarely leaving the house and even answers the door with a gun now (even with family) because of her anxiety and I feel like that's where I'm heading. The only way I can get anything done is by using anxiolytic substances. Phenibut is my go to but even that only takes the edge off. I don't use it or any of them regularly to avoid physical dependence and making my situation worse. But yeah, I guess I could have just simply said, anxiety haha. Sorry.

 

[ghostspace]

I am right there with you.

I'm also there.

We should be a support group where no one looks at each other.

Body dysmorphia can suck it.

 

[BeGone]

Being a failure in all aspects of life, anxiety, looking ugly and no motivation to keep struggling with this miserable existence.

 

[Pricelessadvice]

Anxiety- it robs a person of life