What is the thing that has made you suicidal?

[StillWaiting]

Realising how shitty the world is and the only way to live is to join the rat race

 

[S1mpleme]

Life is the thing.

 

[kira1]

where are you? (a vague answer is enough)

A small city in a post-soviet country

 

[needaplan]

A small city in a post-soviet country

crazy guys, I hope you don't want to ctb because of them

 

[astro]

Illness

 

[Green bike dude]

I suffered all kinds of abuse and humiliation, I can't stand the memories anymore

 

[NotMeant2B]

Ex fiance left me is the trigger, outside of that my whole life has just been depressing. I'm just tired.

Wow, I've never been able to explain my situation in a simple way, and yet you nailed it in just a couple sentences. Fantastic. Beautiful. Thank you.

 

[needtogo]

Becoming the best version of myself, getting rid of every anxiety in my life except erectile dysfunction caused by medication I was on, only to be put on a "lower level" medication which completely numbed my genetalia. Which didn't go away for several weeks, until it came back as horrible pain. Now have fears I never had before and the same thoughts over and over. Because I trusted a professional who I explained my sexual anxiety to, who told me to ignore my problems, and then proceeded to wipe out my sexual system. Now I can't function and live in a state of panic and anger with horrible nightmares every day. I went from the best version of myself to my worst nightmare just cause of 15 days of Lexapro.

 

[rntmss]

feeling that leaving my marriage and ever-loving wife and dog was a mortal error i won't recover from, that i am broken and will limp through rest of life, babbling with regret, being a burden and self-hating urchin ... that's me in worst moments (and having lots of those)

I feel you, my friend. I miss my ex-wife every day. Most days are pretty good and I just get overwhelmed at the smallest reminder. I'll have to pull the car over and let out a few screams and just cry for a few minutes.

She was my best friend and I'll never get that back because of my fucked decisions I made when I was in a very dark place.

 

[KN95]

Guilt, shame, loneliness, inability to socialize with others, the state of the world, how life has no meaning, people who can't feel empathy or do not have compassion for others, etc.

 

[ShaMD]

Guilt, shame, loneliness, inability to socialize with others, the state of the world, how life has no meaning, people who can't feel empathy or do not have compassion for others, etc.

Couldn't agree more with all the above, well put.

 

[adorna]

Sociopath mother.
Then a covert narcissistic mother.
Then a covert narcissistic boyfriend (husband? he insisted we were married 3 months into the relationship and nothing I ever said ever seemed to make a difference to that. no proposal, no ring, no ceremony, just insistence. I was 19, I thought it was cute at first.)
Being my whole life invisible.
I made music to try to make my inner world more explicit so that someone could see me but... it didn't work.
The only people who were looking were exploitative people out to take advantage of my unfilled needs and theoretical skills.
One tried to recruit me into a destructive cult.
Sometimes the only thing worse than not getting what you want, is getting what you want.
I just broke after that.

 

[Andrea.B]

What is the final push? For me, it was years of trauma that made me suicidal but the final push came when my ex boyfriend broke up with me and now I just want to die and there is no hope left.

Depression is the trigger of it, mainly given from brakeups...
Looking at my life from outside it might look perfect: I'm healthy, 38 yrs old, quite attractive, good job, good income, lovely and wealthy family behind, good friends. I'm lucky under every aspects and I cannot complain. But there's this constant sadness and the only thing that can make me barely keep up with day by day living
is swallow an antidepressant every morning.

 

[helpmehelpme]

I feel you, my friend. I miss my ex-wife every day. Most days are pretty good and I just get overwhelmed at the smallest reminder. I'll have to pull the car over and let out a few screams and just cry for a few minutes.

She was my best friend and I'll never get that back because of my fucked decisions I made when I was in a very dark place.

Thank you for replying and bless you. PM me if you want to chat someday.

 

[BellBottomBlues]

A lifetime of abuse, neglect, bullying, struggling in my career, and the love of my life leaving me without warning.

I'm terrified of my cancer coming back. I live with the fear every day, and it's suffocating. I know it's irrational to want to die to escape a life threatening situation, but I just can't go through that again.

Cancer and all the surgeries I've been forced to have left me scarred and mutilated. I can't stand to look at my body in the mirror anymore. It's a constant reminder of everything I've lost.

I have PTSD and relive the trauma in my dreams every night. My past haunts me, and I can't escape it. I keep going to therapy hoping for help, but my therapists don't even try to address it. I don't understand why, because I bring it up all the time. It makes me feel so hopeless, like nobody even knows what to do with me. And my flashbacks are nightmares, so I never sleep more than a little bit at a time. They're so vivid they wake me up in a panic.

I fucked up a 10+ year relationship and now have to watch the love of my life make a whole new life with someone else. Cutting ties is not an option. It's pure torture.

I have a grief disorder, where I can never process it. The pain just stacks upon itself, every loss adds to it and none of it ever gets resolved. I've never been able to fully complete the grieving process, and I've had a long string of losses back to back that I can't get over or accept.

I have a lot of painful chronic health problems. Just the pain and the fear of pain is a killer.

I'm so far away from everyone I love. Where I live now, I'm all alone.

And then there's good old-fashioned suicidal depression and severe anhedonia. Killing myself is on my mind all the time, and I can't stop it. I don't even have to have a specific reason. It's just there. I'm just really tired and can't keep living like this.

There are more reasons, but I'm done.

fuck. the grieving disorder is real, my friend. I know exactly what this feels like.

 

[Cave Johnson]

Mental health problems, physical health problems and the realization that nothing I do about any of it will ever fix them.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Bipolar Disorder.

 

[Ermitão]

Considering that i have wished to die since i was a child, and i have been recently presented with the possibility of being a autist, i guess it has something to do with that.
Social situations gives me several anxiety crisis, and that combined my very low self esteem made me isolate myself most of my life, and 25 i just recently gave my first kiss and got my first work experience with a internship. To my surprise none of that has brought me the joy a wished for, but im reading some books that i like right e theres some people that would be happy if i die and i want them to fuck off, so i think i will stay a little more

 

[Downandout82]

Years off abuse from my childhood, only to then get years off abuse off my husband. To now just being alone and scared and hating the fact am to blame for all off it

 

[Shero]

A combination of internal and external factors.

 

[Cave Johnson]

Years off abuse from my childhood, only to then get years off abuse off my husband. To now just being alone and scared and hating the fact am to blame for all off it

I'd hardly say you're to blame for the abuse you received as a child or from your (ex?)husband. There is nothing you could do as a child to warrant abuse, and while the abuser may blame you, that does not mean you're to blame.

 

[peacefighter]

Sudden death of much loved husband two years ago, finding I had health problems and having a stroke, having my much loved, healthy dog put to sleep -- I have no idea why I did that, it was all decided in one mad 24 hours and I just cannot live with myself I miss him so much and the guilt is HUGE - and then finally regretting selling marital home where I had been so happy.
The first I had no control over but the second two losses I did, and they haunt me every minute of every day. I just cannot face another day in this mental torture. I've taken the anti-depressants and still I'm in absolute agony and can take no more.

It was definitely what I did to the dog that triggered my decision to end my life. I just cannot forgive myself or move on from it. I can't get my head around complicated methods, so I'm just going to have to take the plunge! I just keep missing my windows of opportunity but I will get there. We three will be together again.

 

[Downandout82]

I'd hardly say you're to blame for the abuse you received as a child or from your (ex?)husband. There is nothing you could do as a child to warrant abuse, and while the abuser may blame you, that does not mean you're to blame.

I guess it's just a feeling I have and will live with I tried to tell people when I was a kid but was made out to be a liar. Wasn't till I was 16 he admitted it but said I came on to him when I was 5 ! Then the hate came hearing how people didn't believe me it's been a sad life but I refuse to feel sorry anymore. Why am looking for my end !

 

[Cave Johnson]

I guess it's just a feeling I have and will live with I tried to tell people when I was a kid but was made out to be a liar. Wasn't till I was 16 he admitted it but said I came on to him when I was 5 ! Then the hate came hearing how people didn't believe me it's been a sad life but I refuse to feel sorry anymore. Why am looking for my end !

I can understand the feeling of looking for the end. I guess I mean if it's mostly past abuse and hate from those around you that is making you feel this way, you may wish to try moving somewhere new where those people cannot affect you any longer. If you really want to end it all I not only get it but respect your decision; however it's best to try to make sure it's really what you want before you take the plunge you can't come back from.

 

[Downandout82]

I can understand the feeling of looking for the end. I guess I mean if it's mostly past abuse and hate from those around you that is making you feel this way, you may wish to try moving somewhere new where those people cannot affect you any longer. If you really want to end it all I not only get it but respect your decision; however it's best to try to make sure it's really what you want before you take the plunge you can't come back from.

I hear that I have beautiful children and a beautiful grandchild that I hold on for but most days are dark and I don't think I can b what they need as I have no self worth thank you though

 

[Moonomyth]

Insurmountable educational and medical debt.

 

[Winniethepooh]

I want to die because I've been tortured.

 

[Dinosaur]

I want to die because I've been tortured.

mentally?

 

[hatelife]

final push was having my ocd/intrusive thoughts come back and no medicine or therapy or ect helping this time sadly

 

[HadEnough1974]

Im

I'm a gay man who's endured 40 years of regular recurring episodes of anxiety, depression, suicide ideation, and internalized homophobia. I'm worn out, world weary, and have come to the realisation that this will be my lot for life. I don't have the energy or will to keep going for two or three more decades.

Hi, I'm also gay, you're not alone.